Wow! She looks exhausted – those kids are killing her. I guess that’s what homeschool does to a woman – makes her look like death warmed over. I could never do that. She’s got baggy eyes and she’s all slouched over. And I think that might be poop smeared all down her yoga pants. Not giving me the best impression of motherhood. No sirree, not me.
Have you seen her lately? Dude. Ever since she got married, she quit putting effort into herself. She’s really let herself go. I’ll never get married if that’s what happens to people.
Why is she so mad all the time? Every time I see her, she’s got a scowl. She used to be so happy. But now she spends all her time yelling at her kids and husband. I don’t think I’m going to call her to hang out any more.
I’m not one to really care too much what other people think about me. I don’t really care if people think I eat too much butter, drive a sub-par used van, or eat poorganic food. That doesn’t bother me a bit. But I DO care if I give a good impression to others.
Your reputation is one of the most important things you have. If your reputation is in the toilet, it’s hard to earn it back.
A good name is more desirable than great riches;
to be esteemed is better than silver or gold. Proverbs 22:1
As much as we would like to deny it, people DO judge us by our outward appearance. Thankfully, the Lord looks at the heart. But your friends at book club? Yeah – they notice you’ve quit wearing your contacts and only wear slouch clothes now.
Hear me – we should be most focused on what the Lord thinks of us…but we have more clout with others and can reach more people if we make a good impression. It’s hard to do that if we don’t take care of ourselves.
If people look at you and immediately think that motherhood/marriage/homemaking is killing you, does that make them want to pursue the same path? Or does that make them want to run away and hide in Bermuda?
Being a homemaker is our highest calling and the most important job we have is done within the walls of our home.
Don’t put on a lie or charade to cover up – that’s lying – but FIX THE PROBLEM.
When people look at you, you don’t want them to see that motherhood is killing you – and that instead of a blessing, children are actually just something to wear you down until you’re fit for the loony bin.
Fact: children are a blessing and we can care for them AND ourselves.
When people look at you, you don’t want them to see that marriage is the place where love goes to die.
Fact: being married is awesome. It takes work, but the payback is amazing.
When people look at you, you don’t want them to think that being a homemaker is so dull and boring that they’ll instead be nomads and roam the earth.
Fact: taking care of your home is a worthwhile pursuit.
Fix the problem
So, how can we fix this problem and instead give a good impression as a homemaker/wife/mother?
Get sleep.
If you don’t get sleep, it affects everything about your day. You feel foggy. You are more easily angered. It’s hard to be clear to make good decisions. You drink more coffee – okay, so nothing wrong with that last one, but if you need more coffee to make it through the day, that’s where it becomes an issue.
Do you need to schedule in time for a power nap every day? My friend, Lexie Naturals, does that.
Do you need to go to bed earlier instead of staying up playing Words With Friends? DO IT.
Whatever you need to do, find a way to get the sleep you need. It does wonders for attitudes and baggy eyes.
Get dressed.
Remember when you were pursuing your spouse and you used to get ready for them? You would wear their favorite clothing and perfume? Instead, since you got married you live in workout clothes and can’t even remember what perfume is.
Listen up – just because we get comfortable when we get married doesn’t mean we let ourselves go. Our spouse is still important to us. We should still be making an effort for them – even more so than people who might see us later on.
Put on clothes. I put on nice clothes daily – even though I live with children who like to use me as a napkin. I buy used clothes from Thred Up (Ohmygosh, I love Thred Up because I can shop from HOME which feeds my introvert necessity. Get $10 off your first order here) so I don’t freak out if they get stained here and there.
Getting ready for the day makes you feel better. It makes you feel like you can tackle the world. YOU ARE WORTH IT. Spend that time for yourself – put on clothes and change your whole attitude.
Get paint.
Okay, before you get mad, hear me out. I’ve heard it said that, “any ole barn needs some good paint.” Ha ha!
Let me tell you why I wear makeup every day – first, it makes me feel better about myself. I like how I look with makeup on. And when I like how I feel, I’m better able to tackle my day. If you feel super great about yourself without makeup, then you don’t need it. For me, it just makes a huge difference in my self confidence.
Second, I like looking nice for my husband. I got all prettied up for him when we were dating, so now that we’re married I don’t want to look like an old bag for him. Ahem.
I know that sometimes makeup gets a bad reputation because real beauty comes from within. You’re exactly right! My husband says that well done makeup only enhances natural beauty. Because girl – if you ugly inside, ain’t no amount of Covergirl gonna cover that mess up.
But maybe mascara makes you feel better. Make time to put it on. Lipstick makes you feel like you can conquer the grocery store…so slap that stuff on and go!
When you look nice and well put together (with a good attitude, because that’s critical), you make a good impression about your entire household. Not just yourself, but also your husband and children. They are the ones that deserve our best – not just random strangers we might run in to at the grocery store.
Thank you for this! Needed the reminder today to get up, get going, and be ready for my family and myself. It really does help me to feel so much better. Now, I just need to remember tomorrow and the next day…. 😉
Every day is a new day! 🙂
This article really touched my heart today! As a homemaker and homeschooling mom, I have noticed not only do I get much more accomplished when I take the time to look my best, but my chidrens attitudes are better when I am making my best effort. It also encourages my precious teen daughter that taking good care of herself is important now and when she (God willing) is a wife and mother. And nothing beats my sweet little man telling me I am the “best smelling mommy ever!” Thank you for your encouragement!
My little man recently asked me why my belly was so big – I think I like what yours says better. LOL 🙂
I really love your posts lately. Attitude and outward appearance are very important. Even though I am not a homemaker, I really appreciate your website. I do have two teenagers and work outside the home, but your posts are great for any woman no matter what their daily role is. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
Thank you, Michelle! I appreciate the support.
Do you buy makeup from the DYT store, or have recommendations? I wash and moisturize my face, but that’s about it. I haven’t worn a full face of makeup in years. My husband says he prefers me without, but when I wear eyeliner and lip gloss, he likes it. I’m thinking if it’s subtle enough, he might actually like the effect, but I also have a hard rime spending money on face paint. 😛
No, I usually buy from CVS or Walgreens. Or Target. 🙂 I learned what to do and how to wear things by watching You Tube videos. The Makeup Chair is my favorite because her videos are short and to the point.
Amen! Yes, to all of it! Many times women let themselves go when they have kids, I have often wondered if it was worth getting ready for the day, and it does make a difference! I also agree that our outward appearance and attitude can make others think that “marriage, children….homeschooling” is running us ragged when we don’t take care of ourselves. Your blog/scopes/fb has been a blessing to us all!
Have you heard of http://dailyconnoisseur.blogspot.com she talks a lot about taking care of ourselves.
No, I haven’t. Thanks for the recommendation!
I realize this advice might not work for everyone depending on your family etc. But, I have one child, and he’s in school now, so I get 8 hours to MYSELF!!!! I am so with you on the nap. 🙂 Also, eating a good breakfast, and I would say do something each day to work on you, Spiritually, and physically. It could be taking walks with the children, or while they are napping doing an exercise video. Also, I’m working on building my prayer, and devotional life. I’m asking Jesus help to be a better parent, and I’m finding that I don’t lose my patience as easily when I hear the words. “I don’t care” for the 400th time in a day when I spend time with the Lord. Those two things are what we are working on. My husband and I are trying to lose some weight together. So, taking care of myself, physically and spiritually are key!
Yes! I get up at 5am every day so I can make sure to get Bible time in.
I enjoy reading your blog and your perspective, but I don’t know that I agree with what you’ve written here. I don’t believe that our reputation is tied to our outward appearance, at least not in the way your talking about here (meaning that yes, our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit- treating it well, absolutly. Wearing makeup….nope). If we truly understand the role God has called us to as homemakers, mothers, and sometimes homeschooling moms, and and we embrace that role with joy (not to be confused with cheerfulness at all times- but the internal joy of the Lord) then it will show in our lives. It’s super easy as Christians to put extra rules and burdens on ourselves (and others!) but it’s also unnecessary and possibly even harmful.
For many people taking care of themselves while taking care of young children doesn’t mean taking extra time to fuss over hair, clothes, and makeup. But instead it means taking time for a morning run (even if that means doing the school drop off in your gym clothes!) or taking extra time to savor a cup of tea on the back deck (even if it means your hair will just be thrown in yet another ponytail!), or taking time to curl up with a favorite book (even if it means there won’t be time to apply makeup!). But for those people who take the time to focus on their own self care in the ways that really matter to them, even at the cost of time on their own appearance, it’s not going to hurt their reputation (at least not with anyone who matters!). What people will notice is that they aren’t burnt out and they took the time on something that really mattered.
I haven’t moved away from taking the time to straighten my hair, wear makeup, or put on something other than jeans and t-shirt because I don’t care, but rather because I’ve finally grown into using my time on the things that really matter (don’t get me wrong, no one around me including my husband has ever been given the mistaken impression that I’m a slob, I always look decently dressed, if causal and lacking polish), but I also guarantee you that my “uniform” of jeans and a t-short don’t make my reputation- anyone who has spent anytime with me can see how much I adore my family and my life as a homemaker! I know moms who always look out together, but it’s clear it’s a coping mechanism because they’re lives and families are clearly falling apart around them, just as I know moms who are clearly loving and rocking the “mom life” in cute skirts and heals, and in yoga pants and tank tops! Our reputations and our lives will shine forth with who we are, regardless of whether we spent 5 minutes or an hour getting ready to walk out the door.
And that’s why I made sure to note that our true beauty comes from within. But when our attitudes are in the toilet and we take on a “woe is me” mentality, it shows on the outside. We should always be putting our best foot forward and making an effort. That will look different for different people, so these are just a few of my tips. But everyone has to decide for themselves what their method will be, ie. tea, running, etc.
Also, jeans and a t-shirt are totally “getting ready.” 🙂
Thank you for this! My hubby is the “natural beauty” type. I think I will try just a touch of make up every day and see if he notices. Ha ha! I also read one time that you can tell that a woman is coming out of depression when she starts caring how she looks again. Many of us feel depressed and underappreciated a lot. Especially if we feel stuck in the house all day. Love these posts! Keep em coming girl!
I don’t mind being stuck in the house all day. Ha ha! #introvertproblems
Oh yes, I have so thought this! People should see that we are joyful in our roles as wife, mother, homemaker and homeschooler (if we do that!). Obviously, there will be rough seasons that make it harder to choose joy but we should never give up trying. Being a wife and mother is the biggest blessing in life, it’s time to act like it. Love the humor! Slap that stuff on and go! I’m with you, make up every day for the win 🙂
It is a HUGE blessing! Own it!
I’ve subscribed for a while but recently the Lord has definitely used this blog to hit home some truths. Thank you! Love this.
I’m glad to have you, Megan! I love how the Lord works – because he uses you all to speak to me daily.
Love this!
I struggle with this because I can’t wear a bra because it gives me heartburn, even loose ones, so I leave it off at home and i’m ‘large’ so I feel sloppy even if I’m dressed. Also, I have rosacea / ocular rosacea so makeup is out because it irritates, and I’m losing my hair due to homones / dryness / who knows (doctors aren’t worried, despite me feeling awful about the amount I find about my sink / home / clothing – if they find no medical reason for it I guess it isn’t happening??) So I leave it alone in a ponytail as much as possible because while stressful on the hair it keeps the knots down so i brush less. I do get dressed neatly, even if it is jeans and a clean sweatshirt (hides the girls more) at home but I still just feel sloppy and undone and blah, especially when I read stuff like this because it just highlights to me how lousy I must look to others (in my insecurity-riddled head) How do I let that go? I try and mostly I’m kind of eh, it is what it is – I’m aging, but it still lurks…
Here’s what you do – you do your BEST. That’s all anyone can ever ask of you. And then, you realize that our beauty is on the inside. 🙂 Also, I wonder if you would be interested in talking with my friend Shannon over at The Bra Fit Advocate? She’s helped me and many of my friends find the exact right bra for our body. She works directly with you. Give her a shout.
http://www.thebrafitadvocate.com/
I finally just did. 🙂
Yay!
Integral Collagen works wonders for helping with hair loss, we order from amazon and take several scoops in our coffee. My hubs hair is growing back instead of receding.
Also, apple cider vinegar, though it sounds odd, makes a huge difference with heartburn.
Don’t despair, Mama.
I was so excited to read this post! You sure have mastered the art of communication. You are able to dish out the hard truth, but not in an disruptive way. This post felt like a breath of fresh air to me. Raising children, homemaking, and selfelssly investing in marriage aren’t at the top of the “worlds” priority list, but as believers, those things should be at the top of ours. Thanks for caring about your own family and encouraging others to care for theirs. Keep telling the truth! I appreciate every word.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Annie! I appreciate it more than you know.
I sooo appreciate your honesty and integrity! I believe you! I used to struggle with why I put on makeup and wondered if I should. Now you gave me several great reasons to keep on doing it. It’s a great heart check. Thank you so much!!
LOL When I first read it, I saw “heart attack.” I’m glad to read I wasn’t giving you a heart attack. 🙂
AMEN,
I do love a good Amen corner.
Amen to your post! I look at some women and feel sorry for their husbands because of what they’ve turned into – because you know they didn’t look like that when they were dating. I despise sweat pants. I have always fixed my hair & applied makeup every day – the only days I haven’t is when I’ve had the flu or really sick. You just feel so much better about yourself when you look nice. I wouldn’t even go to the mailbox without fixing myself up. I do it for myself (and my husband reaps the benefits) because it sets the tone, attitude, energy level, etc., for the day. I mean, how much motivation and energy can you have sitting around in sweat pants, a messy head, without makeup?
Your mailbox comment made me smile. 🙂
Amen!
I need an official Amen corner.
Stacy, you are so funny ! And you speak much needed truth to my heart. Excellent post, as always.
Please keep up your wonderful ministry. I look forward to each and every one of your articles.
I’m usually good for a laugh – whether it’s because I said something funny or because I have a smiley face sticker on my bottom.
Thanks for this! I do get dressed for the day but I wear my frustrations on my sleeve so I need to remember to smile more 🙂
Pretty lady alert! 🙂 Thanks for reading my article, Kristina. I’m honored.
I am a fortunate to be able to have “some” time off because I work in my school district. The other half of the time I’m a homemaker so to say. When my son was younger and I lived in Maryland I did stay home. I actually didn’t like it! I got bored. But things got done. Now I feel I have a great balance of work/life and get to enjoy my son and my family. The impression I get from some is, “Wow, she’s busy but is still able to get stuff done.”
gratitude:
the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness:
Busy and blessed! 🙂
I definitely agree with everything you wrote Stacy, I’m a Nurse/Midwife,,,,wife …mother..very active in my daughterspare school,,I make sure I get my power nap daily!! I wear makeup…even if I’m in the delivery room I try and look put together. .Not only for me, I want my daughter to see how important it is to try and look your best, because people unfortunately judge you on appearance first. I want my husband to know I do this for him to.
Oh, I do so love a good power nap!
Yes! I had a similar thought on Sunday during church. My husband had an ER shift at the hospital so I was on my own with the kids (and 27 weeks pregnant.) I could feel the stress and impatience rising and then realized I needed to be a “light” to those around me as much as to my children. I show my love for the Lord and this calling He has given me by the way I treat His little ones and my husband and the stewardship I have as a wife and mother and homemaker. If I neglect my home for social media, am I in fact neglecting Him? Good things to ponder on this week!
Yes, indeed. I’m pondering as well.
Thank you for the encouraging truth. I feel like we are representing the Lord and our family. Focusing on dignity, not pride in self. But treasuring who we are in all areas because of what God has given us. Including putting my best foot forward with some make up! Ha. I often tell my sons that make up, hair and clothing is not about “glam” or impressing anyone…but not scaring others when I don’t look awake without those things! 😉
LOL Oh goodness, that made me laugh!
oh i love this… thanks I need to get back to doing this! 🙂 for me and everyone else 🙂
I’m glad, Nena!
I have been doing this for years, trying to look basic nice everyday. I think it is important to represent mothers of big homeschooling families (6 kids with one on the way) as not frumpy and exhausted looking. It is like my own witness to others.
Yes – agreed.
Good thoughts! 🙂
Thank ya!
Thanks for the wonderful reminder. I’m sitting here in my pjs, hair is a mess, no makeup. I do get dressed decently for the day but some days its just a baggy t-shirt and simple skirt, i don’t go long lengths to look nice for hubby. I should. Men do like it! Hubby said to me one time, we should still try to look nice for them. SO, going to go get dressed, fix my hair, at least make it look nicer than a pony tail…, and get some make up on. I love how I look with make up on. Its odd, if i don’t wear it no one says anything, if i do, my mom will say, your dressed up!!! LOL. Time to be “dressed up” every day. It does make me feel a lot better about myself.
My mom stopped asking me why I was dressing up every day. Ha ha!
haha! I find it funny but sad, do i look that bad or different?
Different. 🙂