Barry will tell you that’s an exaggeration. But I’m sure that by the end of this story, if you’re a woman, you’ll agree. If you’re a man…probably not. Because I think as long as men have on underwear, they consider themselves dressed. :-p I’ve already shared this on Instagram, so it might be a repeat for some. 🙂
It was the end of the service. We were leaving…having been at church for about 2 1/2 hours at that point. That’s when it happened. A blessed saint leaned over as I was leaving and said, “Dear, you do know there is a rip down the side of your top, right?” Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I’m pretty sure I had a deer in the headlights look. I laughed it off and said “No doubt! The kids have been pulling on me today.” I smiled and continued my trip out.
Inside I was screaming “DEAR GOD! PLEASE LET IT BE A TEENIE, TINY LITTLE RIP?!”
You know how sometimes God says “no?” Well….this was one of those times. I had that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew it was bad.
It was worse than bad. It was catastrophic. My shirt was ripped down the entire side! I quietly went to the bathroom to survey the damage. Oh-my-lanta. Most of the damage was around my bra area. I thought about fainting.
I was horrified.
Honey, here’s something you should know about me. I’m white. Like, super white. I’m talking, parts-of-me-never-see-the-light-of-day white…so with that gaping hole down the side of my shirt, there is no way that anyone missed that. No. Way. Because I was beaming like a beacon on the top of the lighthouse! WARNING! WARNING! NAKED WHITE BODY HERE.
I asked Barry, “Why didn’t you tell me!?!?!?” He didn’t see it. Annie nicely popped up and said “I saw it, Mama. I just didn’t say anything.” Great. I can change my earrings in the middle of the day and Annie will notice and point it out – but not if Mama’s entire NAKED BODY is showing?! Gotta work on that.
Praise the wonderful, blessed saint from above who told me that it was ripped. Or I could have gone elsewhere and blinded the whole community!!
Bared – naked, white side, most of the side of my bra and all my nice, mommy fat rolls. Oh dear.
It would have been like if you had taken a pair of fabric scissors and cut down the side of your seam, then went to communion in front of God and everyone.
I shall never recover!!!! Maybe I’ll switch churches. Maybe I’ll move. WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM!?
So, thankfully Barry had a t-shirt in the car (we weren’t going home) and I wore that…later, Andy proceeded to get poop on that, so my day ended in a very large, poopy t-shirt.
Some notes on this story and helpful tips for the future.
- Invest in a full length mirror.
- Having such a mirror, it is critical that you USE IT. Sheesh.
- Instruct your children to tell you any time you’re leaving the house and you have a wardrobe malfunction.
- Instruct your husband of the same…with promises to make him Laxative Brownies if he doesn’t hold up his end of the agreement.
- Never, ever EVER purchase a shirt with a zipper on the side. Never. They should be banned. BANNED I SAID!
It could have been worse. I could have gone to the front of the church with my skirt tucked up in my panties. But hey…maybe not. Because at least with your panties on, your butt is covered. I just bared my entire side with no coverage!
I promptly disposed of the shirt…because while the zipper and corresponding rip could have likely been repaired, I would never never been able to wear it again without reliving the horror over and over and over. *Shudder*
I used some Twice return-credits and purchased a pink shirt to replace it…one without a zipper. Praise the Lord.
Also, please note that the next Sunday I told the Blessed Saint “Thank you for saving my day.” I pray the pastor didn’t see. Or if he did, I pray he has a terrible memory. This now qualifies as my most embarrassing moment.
What was your worst wardrobe malfunction?
I loved this story! I was lucky that my worst wardrobe malfunction occurred when I was 14 and I also had an “angel” who told me about it. I was diving in the pool at the motel (way back in the day) where my father worked. The “angel” was an “older man” of 21 who told me that each time I took a dive into the pool, my bathing suit top took a dive, too. It showed way more than my side or my bra. There were two younger guys (18? 19?) who also dipped under the water – to watch my traitorous bathing suit expose me. Like you, I wanted to become invisible, but the older guy convinced me I’d show more strength by staying at the pool, but not diving any longer. When I pulled out a book to read poolside, those two rascals who had been aqua peeping toms soon left.
Ha ha! GREAT story!!!
I used to teach 8th grade at an inner-city middle school. One day, I had my skirt caught in the back of my nylon stockings as I left the bathroom and walked down the hall. Luckily(?), a male co-worker told me about it before too many students saw me that way. I’d rather a clergyman see me than a gaggle of 8th graders any day!
AMEN TO THAT! And yes, I yelled that!
I hear you on the side zippers! I have ONE shirt with one, and I didn’t even know it was there until my daughter saw it unzipped in public. WHY put zippers there??
That’s what I would like to know!
When I was 25 I was raking leaves in the front yard across the street from a construction site, in a skirt. I’d been raking in one spot for a while and when I went to take a step I felt a branch caught on my hem. Looked down and NOPE it was my WHOLE skirt around my ankles, not a branch. I quickly yanked it up and looked around. 2 cars were driving by, 2 construction guys were looking my direction and not working. As I ran inside I noticed my uncle was just walking in the front door. It was so awful! 3 years later, I was working a really busy sale at a quilt shop, I walked across the crowded sales floor and my skirt fell off. I stepped on it and couldn’t get it back up and was tripping in across the floor trying to pull it up and shining brightly in my panties. I looked up as a customer’s husband pointed and laughed. So, not only did I get humiliated once when my skirt fell off, but it actually happened TWICE. And yes, those were different skirts!
I’m horrified for you. Seriously.
I’m sorry Stacy but this post made me laugh to tears, because i am just as white as you are and very modest as well so I know i would feel the same way. I do not like to wear anything shorter than knee length when i do bare my legs and have had many people ask me if i am wearing white pantyhose. When i was a teenager at the beach i recall a concerned couple approaching me telling me they hoped i was wearing sunscreen. I know white woes all too well. The worst wardrobe malfunction i can think of didn’t happen to me, but to my husband. He is in the military and was sent away for training. While he was at the airport, he caught his pants on something and ripped the entire pocket side off and down that leg. He had already checked his luggage so there was nothing he could do about it. He told me about it later over the phone and emailed me a picture. He wears military issued underwear which are tight and army green colored. You could see the entire left side of his drawers including his bare leg they had ripped that far down. All i could think about was him having to go down the aisle of the plane where his butt would have been level with people’s faces. Now this didn’t bother him at all because of course underwear is clothes to him but i still laugh when i think about it.
Yeah – men are so laid back. He was in underwear so he considers himself fine. LOL
I had my skirt tucked in my panties one Sunday before heading upstairs to the sanctuary. Praise the Lord that a friend caught me on the stairs and told me. Of course there were others walking behind me. I’m telling myself they didn’t notice. Yeah right, but I’m still telling myself that. Nobody and I mean nobody wants to see the pastor’s wife with a wardrobe malfunction. *shudders* Now I check myself multiple times AND ask a friend.
And maybe ask for a full length mirror for Christmas? LOL LOL I have one and didn’t even use it. I won’t ever make that mistake again!
I wore a long slide on skirt to church when I was a teenager and I was squeezing past my mom to get out of the pew to go to the restroom…and the bottom of my skirt caught my moms shoe…and when I made the final turn to go to the back of the church my skirt came off. All. The. Way. Down. And it was on the INSIDE of the pew while I was on the OUTSIDE.. Talk about mortified. It was horrible. I crawled back in the pew, jerked it up and sat mortified for awhile…
Only for a while? I would have been mortified for ages.
I was frozen…and I’m a pale redhead SO the embarrassment was very very noticeable on my face ? I’m still pretty terrified it may happen again…
Oh My Gosh #2
When my youngest was still a baby, my family and visiting sister and her family all went to the San Antonio Riverwalk. My son was hungry so I found a quiet corner, covered up and nursed him. When finished, I rearranged my son, stowed the coverup, but forgot to pull down my shirt! I was like a beacon for all to see. Luckily ( I guess) my brother-in-law noticed and told my sister. Yes! I was mortified walking the riverwalk taking in the breezes : )
LOL Sometimes when you nurse you just get so comfortable you forget. I know for a fact I’ve answered the door for the UPS man and later found out I had a breastfeeding “problem.” LOL
You are too funny!
Yes, I know. Funny and nuts.
Once upon a time when wearing a slip was still a thing I was standing at the copy machine at work and my favorite old half slip decided to part ways and fell down around my ankles, in front of the boss and two other male employees. I giggle/cried the rest of the day.
Wait – slips are out? I still wear one!
Well, that exact same thing happened at church just recently! Apparently the elastic was giving out on the slip and it just kept working its way down! WHO KNOWS how long I was walking around that way with it almost down to my ankles. And nobody said a thing…..
Shame on them. LOL
Didn’t you feel drafty? ;P
Well, you would think so, wouldn’t you? But, nope.
I was in High School at summer camp and dove into the swimming pool wearing my modest 1 piece suit. It came off to my waist and I didn’t noticed right away. I still feel embarrassed when I think about it.
Okay – you win. You totally win.
I think I can beat that, except at least I was a lot younger! When I was about 8 or so, I was taking swimming lessons (in a bikini–what was my mom thinking?) It was my turn to practice diving, and the bottoms came all the way off! I just about died. And yes, it was a big class with boys. :O
Oh you poor thing. I had a, well let’s call it a wardrobe malfunction, quite a few years ago. Not knowing who actually noticed is perhaps the worst part, or perhaps the best part! In this case, ignorance is probably bliss. 🙂
Yes…let’s not think about who might have seen and instead think that NO ONE saw. Even if you beam white as a beacon.
I had a wardrobe malfunction when we were at Knott’s Berry Farm a few years back. My capris had a sizeable rip where the back pocket was attached. I spent the whole day like that exposing my hot pink underwear. When we got to the hotel and I learned of my rip, my husband tells me he saw it before we left and thought I knew about it. I was so shocked that after 20 plus years of marriage he thought I’d be ok going in public exposing my underwear. Not quite a naked story, but it was a wardrobe malfunction that my husband kept to himself! Luckily my exposure was in front of thousands of people I’ll never see again!
Oh my goodness, this made me snort! LOL LOL
It looks like the zipper just popped open– that particular type of zipper has a tendency to do it, especially when in a high-stress area like a side seam. (Sorry, inner sewing geek coming out– I make the majority of my clothes, so I think about this stuff a lot!) So yes, it could have been fixed, but you would have needed a particular type of sewing machine foot or a lot of patience in hand-sewing to do it properly.
As for my worst wardrobe malfunction, a bunch of my friends and I didn’t have dates for prom our junior year, so we decided to go as a big group. I drove myself and the friend that lived closest to me to the venue, and when I was getting out of the car, my spaghetti strap snapped! The skirt was pretty heavy, so it was dragging the top down, and I would have had to either hold it all night or risk the entire junior and senior classes seeing my strapless bra–and this was a small private school, so I would have definitely been the topic of conversation for awhile. Thankfully, one of my friends had an extra safety pin in her purse, so the evening was saved.
The zipper was all the way down and the rip extended down below the zipper. So, yeah. I was hanging free and loose.
I went into church with my skirt in my underwear. Yep, I did. Thankfully the lady behind tapped me on the back and whispered that my skirt was in my underwear. I was mortified. It was summer and no hose. Just underwear!! How can a husband miss that?!
LOL This is what I want to know! That should be part of their job description!
I was shopping in JC Penney with my then 5 year old. She wanted to try something on and went into the dressing room without my permission. When she wouldn’t open the door, I crawled under the door and went in after her. I’m sure the store got an earful. I had something that I bought, so I must have really wanted it not to leave immediately. On the way out the door, I happened to glance down and realized the store had gotten an eyeful, too! My button up shirt only had one or two bottom buttons done, and the other buttons from my belly button up must have come undone as I had shimmied under the dressing room door.
The things a Mom has to do. LOL
Bless your heart! Someone told me I had a toilet tissue tail before leaving the bathroom. ? I could be wrong, but is that one of those shirts that has a zipper under the arm? Could be that you just forgot to zip it.
Yes, it was unzipped but the rip extended down below the zipper. 🙂
We were once at a Christmas servants’ appreciation dinner when a woman in our group came out of the bathroom with a long tail of toilet paper dangling out from the top of her pants. I didn’t say anything because I thought it was part of some strange skit that I wasn’t a part of. I later learned that there was no skit. I hope someone will tell me if I ever show up anywhere wearing something inappropriate.
LOL Oh, that’s funny right there.
I used to wear thong underwear under my work skirts so I didn’t have a panty line. Most of my work skirts were very long and I generally only wore them on important days, like court and meetings. I had not worn one in a while and wasn’t really thinking about it while walking up the stairs in the courthouse. I caught my heel in the hem and pulled it down. The entire skirt came down. The people behind me, including the judge, got an eyeful. I then still had to go to court and testify in front of that judge. I didn’t die, but I’m not sure how……
Oh. My. Gosh. You poor soul. You can join my Nakedness Club.