Not too long ago, the big thing for moms was the mantra “Be a yes mom!!!” The idea is that we should be trying to say “yes” to our kids more than we say “no” to them…within reason.
I tried so hard to make this work for me. I thought it was a great idea! I saw people using the hashtag on Instagram (613 posts to date). I tried. I really did.
I think I maybe lasted part of a day. I even used the hashtag once. Fail.
The truth is, you guys…I’m a “No” mom. It’s true. I can’t try to be something I’m not. Just yesterday I said to Annie, “Can you please ask me something that I can say yes to?!” True story.
Then I read this post from Katrina Ryder, How I Finally Started Enjoying Motherhood, and it really let me realize I could hang loose and be myself…I don’t have to say yes most of the time. In fact, I think my parents were “No” parents too…and I turned out just fine and remember a fabulous childhood. 😉
It makes me side up with Tim Hawkins on his Gift of No. In fact, I use his skit on my kids all the time. I start in on it and they run away yelling “stooooooooooooooop mommmmmmmmmmmmm!” Eenie, meenie, miney NO.
Maybe we’re a weird family, but my kids are always asking me to do nutso things that I can’t possibly say yes to! “Mom, can I make a wind chime out of q-tips and tape and hang it beside the bird feeder in the rain?” Uh, no. You’ll scare the birds half to death. True story.
“Mom! It’s 5 minutes before dinner, can we eat an entire chocolate bunny?!” Uh, no.
“Can we jump on the bed with our muddy shoes?” Uh, no.
“Mom, can I walk down the street to a person’s house that I never met before and get a tour of the inside of their home?” Uh, no.
“Mom, can I sleep on top of my covers in my sleeping bag so that I don’t have to make the bed ever again because I hate that?” Uh, no.
“Mom, can I lick all the chairs in this auditorium?” Uh, NO.
As I am standing here writing, I hear Barry in the garage saying “Kids, no no no no.” See, be a “No Dad” too.
So, I’m starting a new mantra. Let’s be a “No Mom.” It’s cool to be a no mom. Plus, it teaches our children to be ready to accept adulthood, ya know? How often are you told “Yes” at work?
Can I have a raise? Uh, no.
Can I eat a million doughnuts without gaining weight? Uh, no.
Can I stop paying my electric bill and still use the lights? Uh, no.
See- training for adulthood. Start ’em out young, mamas!
Does this mean my kids are very sad all the time, hardly have anything to do and really just don’t enjoy life? Uh, no. Right now, they’re outside running around with their toy golf clubs and narrowly missing each other with each swing. Keep your eye on the ball, kids! Oh wait…that’s baseball.
I’ve been listening to Hands Free Mama on my Overdrive app. It’s convicted me and let me know I need to be more present for my kids and my husband. So, the phone isn’t being used as much…I had already cut back before, but it wasn’t enough. Sure, being on my phone and talking to my friends is okay…but it’s not okay to do it all day long. I’ve deleted all my social media apps with the exception of Instagram. And it feels good – do I need to know everything that’s going on on Facebook? Uh, no.
This book has let me realize I don’t have to try to always say yes to my kids…I just need to be present. I can be present and watch them do safe things like play in the sprinkler – or play in there with them. But I don’t have to stress myself out trying to always say YES when NO is an okay answer most of the time. 😉
Give your kids the Gift of No.
“Can we go to SDC (a local amusement park) EVERY DAY?!” Definitely no. It takes me at least a week to recover, lol. Besides, we can’t play every day, even during the summer. 🙂
I love this Stacey! I say “yes” fairly often and try to think for a second before saying “no,” but once I’ve said “no,” they’re not allowed to keep asking. Otherwise, I think I’d go crazy.
That’s a rule at our house too – if you ask repeatedly, the answer is always no. Unless it’s “can we go to bed now?” LOL
I sometime say yes to the mud puddle. But that if we are going home and I cant help but join the fun. Yes, you see the mom joining my girls in the mud.Sometimes I the first to jump in it. But I proud to be the no mom.
If it’s before bath time, I’m a yes mom too! 🙂
When my now 16yr old son was 8 he asked to have a sleep over over in a tent in the park on a Tuesday with 2 of his friends. I actually said yes to this, knowing that the other parents would say NO and I wouldn’t have to listen to the whining. (Trick no!)
LOL Oh, that’s tricky! I love it!
My daughter is only 2, and she isn’t too creative with requests yet (although she’d watch TV all day long if I let her). I see nothing wrong with saying “no” to kids. Since when did it become a bad thing to set limits?
My friends think we have a lot of rules at our house, but I like it that way. My kid follows directions, and I keep my sanity. I have one friend who pretty much never says no to her 2-year-old son, and he’s…not so well behaved (example: she’s 30 weeks pregnant. We were at a yogurt shop. He cried and told her to move seats, and…she did. And then he decided he wanted HER frozen yogurt, not the one she bought for him. And she gave it to him. o_O). To each her own, but I could never live with kids like that. They would drive me nuts.
My 2 year old couldn’t care less about tv…but my 5 year old would watch it all day too. 🙂
Yes, I love this post! I’m currently reading Hands Free Mama and agree wholeheartedly that presence is a present to our children 🙂 I also read How I Finally Started Enjoying Motherhood and admittedly went into it all judgy but intrigued and the post really resonated with me in a positive way.
I approached the post the same way – and was so encouraged by it.
I’m finishing up Hands Free Mama. 🙂
I’m not sure what the question was this weekend from my four year old, but she asked 5 different ways, and I always responded “no”. I finally asked my husband, how many times do I have to say no before the kids get it that I mean no! We laughed, apparently it’s a million.
Yes, a million. At least. Sometimes it’s more than that. 😉
I love your blog. Thanks for being authentic (and brave) :). I look forward to your posts as they remind me to stop comparing myself to others and to try my best to be who God wants me to be!
Feels good to say no, huh? LOL
I’m mainly a no momma but but sometimes I say yes……the example about the sleeping bag reminded me. We let our youngest sleep in a tent, on top of her comforter for a few weeks at a time. She gets to sleep under blankets and stuff all her little animals and pillows in. Looks very crowded and congested to me but she thinks it’s cozy and it doesn’t hurt anything. She gets out of making her bed for a few weeks, then the tent comes down and she’s back under the covers for awhile, making her bed in the mornings. Sometimes, especially in the summer or around holidays, I do say yes to junk for breakfast or lunch…..like pop tarts or doughnuts, which are a very rare treat. Like once a year treat. It’s a give and take and also she is 8 so she understands occasional, whereas smaller children may not 🙂
🙂 I say yes quite often…but I say no a lot too. Ha ha! 🙂 The reasoning behind the bed thing was mainly because we’ve been struggling here with an attitude of laziness that we’re trying to work on.
My kids ask ridiculous things all the time. Yesterday one of my 5 year old twins wanted to stay home while we picked up our car at the garage. “I won’t be alone, the animals are here.” Uh, no. lol. I’m definitely a no mom too. I have 2 older children (20 and 17) and they are wonderful human beings who were also told no a lot. I think it will all be ok. We won’t mess them up too much 😉
Nah – we turned out good, didn’t we? 🙂
Plus, nowhere in the bible does it say that we need to say “Yes” more than we say “No.” So we needn’t create “laws” that God hasn’t created. We’re to bring our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. God, who is a loving Father, tells us “no” all the time. We’re to impart wisdom to our children, and part of wisdom is learning to accept the “no’s” in life. 🙂
And thanks be unto God that He tells me no a lot…otherwise I’d be in a heap of trouble. 🙂
I love this!
Thanks!
Great post Stacy. I am a no mom as well. Although, now that my kids are teens … I don’t have to be much of a no mom anymore. Their choices are no longer my responsibility, (they are 17 and 19) so I can say many more yes’s to them. For me the upper teen years have been freeing. I know it doesn’t work out that way for everyone. I know other teens, I’d want to lock in the basement for the next few years. lol
My friend, Christy, says that the teen years are the best years. 🙂
100% agree 🙂 In fact, have you met those kids who never get told “NO”? My son has one friend, who sadly, is exactly like his mom and neither one can handle the word “No” very well. It’s really hard to deal with them because every “NO” turns into a confrontation and attempt at manipulation. Saying “NO” is tough sometimes, but I’ve watched my kids learn to take it gracefully (my kids are older) and it makes me proud to know I haven’t raised total brats. Just being honest. Spot on, once again, Stacy!
Mine are 5, 2, and 8 months…so, they are still learning that it’s okay to hear no. 🙂
Oh my gosh thanks for starting my day with belly laughter!! 😀 “No” moms rock! I’ve actually had moms tell me (when they say yes and get “a look” from me) “it’s just easier”. That may be true but it’s not going to be easier when they’re teens or when they’re adults being awakened to reality (says the “no” mom with an awesome 25 y.o.) XOXO
I’m the 33 year old No child of my mom…and I think I’m pretty okay. 🙂