Last week’s post on change being all about deciding to do it went over well enough that you guys even shared some really great stories about how you’ve used my ramblings to give you some direction. I’m THRILLED to read those types of comments. Some of you also asked me for some specific things where this mindset could be applied, so I thought I’d take today to tackle that idea through the idea of being “poor” (financially).
I talk to people nearly every day who are struggling to make ends meet. Financially, things are tight and there is often little hope of things getting any better. By their very situation, most would call them poor. I think that’s wrong. You may not have any money, but you are not necessarily poor. Poor is a state of mind. If you are short on cash, that doesn’t mean you’re poor. If you are behind on all your bills, that doesn’t mean you’re poor. If you don’t know where your next meal is coming from, that doesn’t mean you’re poor either. You’re only poor when you admit defeat, sit down and decide you are poor. This is a very serious (and bad) place to be. When you are poor, you stop believing in yourself. When you’re poor, you start looking at others and believing they are evil for having more than you do. When you’re poor, you decide the government (or the church, the community, your neighbor, etc.) owes you something because you’ve been wronged. In other words, poor is the decision to give up on succeeding financially. Rather than make this a political statement, which is something most people want to do because it is an easy out, I will say this: Jesus said the poor will always be around (Matthew 26:11), but it is up to you whether or not you decide to be one of them.
Before you post nasty comments and get all riled up, I am not making a statement for or against government assistance. If you are on unemployment, disability, WIC, food stamps or any other assistance programs, I am not upset with you and do not condemn you for getting help. I’m also not asking you to tell me I am being insensitive and rude or claiming you “chose” to be without money. Don’t misinterpret me; that’s not where I’m going at all. I’m keenly aware that life happens and every one of us has the possibility of going completely broke before the day is over and my heart breaks for those who go through those struggles. That’s why I love being a financial counselor.
What I’m referring to is strictly a state of mind. You’ve been around people who never have enough money and blame other people for everything in the world that has happened to them. You’ve been around people who believe they are entitled to receive something simply because it is available to someone else. You’ve been around people who believe they deserve to live in a certain place, drive a certain car, go to a specific place on vacation, etc., etc. just because those places exist and other people get those things. That, to me, is the person who is poor.
The person who is rich, however, says to himself: “I really want to live in that neighborhood. I’m going to work really hard and make it happen.” He says, “I would love to take my family on a nice vacation next year, so I’m going to save up and make that happen.” He says, “my car is in rough shape; I’m going to start working a few extra hours of overtime each week so I can put some extra in the bank to replace the car when it dies.” See the difference? It is all about a mental decision to act one way or another.
The poor person says, “I want this now so I’m going to finance it to the hilt and hope I can make the minimum payments.” The rich person says, “I’ll wait until I can pay for that and make due until then.” The poor person says, “I deserve it.” The rich person says, “I’ll earn it.”
Before you nod your head and give me a hearty “amen” or curse me and trash me in the comments, let me add one last thought: we’ve all been in the “mental shoes” of that poor person. At one time or another, we’ve all said how unfair something is and complained about not getting our way. But as the old adage goes, you may not have a lot of control over what happens to you, but you do have a lot of control over how you respond. I’ve read several books that discuss this idea and all of them come to the same conclusion. If you want to be rich, act like a rich person. If you want to be (stay) poor, act like a poor person.
Note: Like the post I wrote last week, this was as much for me as it is you. As we’re remodeling our house, I’m seeing things I want – a woodworking shop, a new heat pump, someone to do all the painting for me. I could easily accomplish all of those things in the next week or two, financing every penny of it. Instead, we’re doing manual labor when it is 87 degrees in the house. I’m trying to find a place to put the tools I’ve been blessed to accumulate over the years. We’re saving for a new heat pump, hopefully to be installed in September or October, about the time we won’t need A/C anymore! But as each bead of sweat drips off my forehead or as I start to whine about not having my table saw at my immediate disposal, I remember that’s how a poor person would think. I want to be rich – how about you?
Wonderful post! It’s something I think we all need to be reminded of on a regular basis, especially myself. I’ve made mistakes with my children in the past concerning this. I’ve always tried to give to my children (with in reason)and put myself last…. Now I am finding recently (due to new financial limitations)that they get an “attitude” when they can’t get certain things that they did before…. So now I am trying to correct my mistake and teach them that possessions do not bring joy or determine who you are (although I feel I am fighting society’s attitude on this as well). I tell my children (and myself when I feel like I am failing)that when I look back on my life and childhood, I don’t remember the possessions or when I got them (well, a few maybe), but my best memories most of the time didn’t involve money at all…. just my friends, family, laughter, and their love.
Great topic. When we have been at our “poorest” (i.e. qualifying for the most government programs), we realized that we were still far better off than 90% of the world population. We try to be frugal with our income, grateful for the help, and utilize only the programs that we truly need. We also purposely live at a lower “standard of living” than many of our peers. We intentionally refuse to keep up with the Jones’. We don’t NEED to live in a ritzy house or do tons of afterschool activities. We need to provide a loving home.
Our only frustration is that we feel tied to SSI and Medicaid. Our youngest is severely disabled and very medically fragile. Without those programs, our out-of-pocket cost for his basic monthly medical care (AFTER standard insurance pays their part) would be nearly equivalent to our monthly income. So obviously we worry what would happen if we lost SSI and Medicaid. We worry that my husband WILL get a raise! LOL (We do trust that the Lord will provide a way.) But in the meantime, we must play by SSI’s rules: no emergency funds, no resources, etc. The program is designed to prevent money being stockpiled, but it inadvertently trains recipients to live paycheck to paycheck. We chafe at this, but have found ways to live as providently as we can. We can’t save up money, but we can pay down debt. When the debt is gone, we could pay down our mortgage. We can’t have stocks or other investments, but we can have long-term food storage. We may not be able to be 100% financially independent, but we can live well within our means and use the financial help responsibly. And we can create our own definition of “self-sufficient.”
So, no matter what our situation is, we can find a way to be financially wise. (sometimes we need God to help us find the way, but there IS a way.)
You’re absolutely right, Michelle. You hit on my biggest complaint of our government support system. It is SO HARD to get out of that life because the government makes it that way! At the same time, you also make a valid point of when the system CAN be a huge help and I’m glad my tax dollars help provide the care your family needs but truly can’t afford. That’s what those programs are SUPPOSED TO DO! 🙂
I completely agree. When I worked, my husband and I had more money, but we were both so stressed, sick all the time, never got to spend any time together because I worked crazy hours and nothing got done around the house, and were, to sum it up, completely miserable. Then I got laid off, and we decided that I could stop looking for work, because we both want me to stay home with our children (when the time comes that we have children). While yes, money is a bit tight at times, we both have so much more peace, our mariage is better, and are rarely sick anymore. Being rich is not about how much money is in your bank account, but about the quality of your relationships, your physical and emotional health.
Your last sentence pretty much sums it up. 🙂
you guys rock! while the natl says i’m below the poverty level, i live in a trailer and buy most of my clothes from the salvation army and yard sales i feel pretty rich. i have never gone hungry. i have the freedom to worship. i may not have much stuff, but i have a roof over my head and a cozy bed to sleep in. i don’t need a fat bank acct to feel rich. i have a Father who values me so what else do i need?
Nothing at all. You are TRULY rich. 🙂
Awesome article. Very inspiring. This article rings true on so may points! I love the way you have scripture throughout.
We live in an older home (by choice, we love it) and have soooo many projects! Like you, we choose to prioritize and fix/improve things as we go and can afford it. Annoying sometimes, but so worth it as we continue to live debt-free!
Keep ’em coming. 🙂
🙂 Yes, an older home by choice is a great thing. That’s what we’re looking at right now. And today we just installed a USED window AC unit because we don’t have the money just yet to purchase a new heat pump…and we won’t finance it.
I emailed this to my husband after reading it- so true! And I am also fine with people using state assistance *when needed*. There are lots of people on state assistance just to be on it. But I am so glad it is there to truly help people *in their time of need* – not forever! This is a great reminder for my family to “think rich” and wait on the Lord, as He will take care of us as we are responsible with what He gives us. Blessings to you!
Yes! That’s exactly why it’s in place…to help those who need it for a time. I love knowing that I can help someone that way. It’s just rough knowing that that’s not always the case.
Very well said!
Thank you, Debra!
I have always been told I have a positive attitude. When I lost my job last Sept. I was a little down but I knew GOD had a better plan for me. I have always been a saver..(now prepper). So we had plenty to eat and money saved. I didnt know what to do because I had been trying to find another job because I felt they were going to get rid of me (downsizing). And I am not a person to kiss others butts to get ahead. I just do my job the best i can. So we used the money we had saved and opened a business…we opened it in December. It has been slow but has been picking up every month. I have another person in there with me that is fabulous. i also have had a school to call and ask me to come teach. I am a Master Cosmetologist and an Instructor. I am also 55yrs old. I dont feel like I am OLD…but some might say I am…I am excited and blessed to have what and who I have in my life.
Thanks
Deborah
Thank you for sharing your story…and you are NOT old. 🙂
Thank you for such great information! You have such a gift for writing. I love reading your articles, they are so easy to read and relatable. Plus, I love how you tie it all together with scripture. 🙂 Hope the heat slacks off and the Lord sends you many cool breezes.
Amanda, I agree. 🙂 But then again, I might be biased since he’s my husband. 😉
This is great Barry! Keep it up! Hope the house is going great.
Slow, but steady!! 🙂
This is great! We live with my inlaws and have for the past 8 years. We live here because in the past we had that “poor” mentality. If we wanted something we would get it…with credit of some sort. We have always been blessed though. We have remained faithful to God (tithing, etc) and I really believe that is why He’s always made a way for us…maybe not the “way” we want but He always provides! When we started FPU my husband finally jumped on board with me!! YAY! We have a LONG way to go but we’re headed in the right direction.
Thanks again for encouraging words!
Going the right direction is the only way to get where you’re going. 🙂
I agree with this post in AMERICA; however, I just HAVE to mention that this is not always the case in third world countries like Zambia (where I have lived for several months). This is not a hate comment, but I just had to put this out there. Some people truly are poor. And these were often the happiest people I’ve met.
We might have to disagree just a little bit. We would refer to them as living in “poverty.” They’re happy and full of joy – they are not poor…they are richer than most Americans. 🙂
But they are poor. Literally poor. I guess it all depends on what dictionary you use. Haha! I am a very literal person though. I guess ultimately there are two types of poor- literally speaking and figuratively speaking. Anyhow, thanks for the post. I think a lot of people struggle with this. I especially appreciate the part where you described the difference in attitudes about being able to afford things (working hard vs. using money you don’t have). Very encouraging. I know these seem like hate comments. They really aren’t. 🙂
I didn’t think you were being “hateful” in your comments. I’m glad we can discuss. I’m really focused on the figurative use of the word. When you make your state of mind one that is positive and hopeful, poor is not a very accurate description. That’s what I was really trying to emphasize.
A big “amen” to this post! My husband and I often feel looked down upon by some of our family because we’ve chosen to live more simply in order for me to stay home to home school our five children and to pay off our debt. To them and the world we are poor but we feel more rich (and blessed!) than we ever have. Much of our attitude comes from knowing and trusting that God always gives us what we need, when we need it. So we do our best to be thankful and make the most of whatever we have because it is only by the grace of God we have anything at all, especially because of our past idiotic financial decisions. I think an attitude of gratitude is what most separates the “rich” from the “poor.” Thanks for the great post, Barry!
Some things in life (like staying at home) are worth “doing without.” 🙂
I NEEDED to hear this! Thank you for writing, and blessing me with your thoughts.
I will tell Barry. 🙂
I’m totally with you on this! My husband and I lived with the consequences of a “buy it now, pay for it later because I deserve it” mentality for years (and still do to some extent). We make a little more now, but spend a lot less and are much happier and richer in spirit. I credit God’s mercy and blogs like yours with pulling us out of the downward spiral we were in and helping us get a new perspective. That said, it’s still an attitude we have to cultivate daily – we need new HVAC too and it’s tempting to finance it. However, the energy-sucking “dinosaur” still lives so we’re thankful we are being given time to save up without the discomfort you’re living with. Hope it cools off soon and thank you for your encouragement!
Daily…yes. Sometimes more than that. 🙂