Let me take a moment to summarize the main point of thousands of leadership, self-help, dieting, marriage, parenting and tons of other books that span literally millions of pages. Just about all of them can be boiled down to one big thing: changing your mindset from “I’ve always done it that way” to “I’m willing to try something different.” In other words, those books are all about making a positive change.
I know I’m usually pretty pointed when I write articles for you guys, but today I want to do a bit of rambling on the topic of change and the decision of whether or not to change. What prompts me to write about that? In short, Stacy and I are going through so many life changes right now that we’re having a hard time keeping up! I also talk with people nearly every day who struggle to make a change because they are paralyzed by the unknown. More accurately, they are paralyzed by their FEAR of the unknown. They ask questions like, “what happens if I can’t find a job by the end of the month when our savings runs out?” or, “which college should I attend?” and expect me to give them the answer. Those are pretty serious questions and honestly, there are tons of possible answers. Here’s the thing: as Jon Acuff wrote in one of my favorite recent reads, Quitter, “…not doing anything is its own decision, and the odds of failure are horrible.” But people get so caught up in the fear of making a choice that they make no choice at all, or almost as bad, they default back to “I’ve always done it that way” thinking when something has caused that approach to stop working. So what’s the answer?
Some will tell you that you need more education. Others will promise you need their three-step plan. Then you’ll be told all you need is ___________ (Jesus, love, money, a spouse, relaxation, etc.) to make everything better. While each of those things may have some value in helping you live a better life, I’ve watched over and over and over again that the most powerful catalyst to change is this: decide to do it. Yep, in most cases it is really that simple. If I were writing a book, I’d make you read 300 or so pages of my deeper explanation on all of that, but since I’m not ready to write another book (so many of you still need to read my first one!), I’ll keep my remaining thoughts on this subject fairly brief and let our discussion continue through the comments.
How do you make a decision to change? Look at what matters. Every one of us is given the same 24 hours each day. What we do with it is largely up to us. Before you argue with me, think about it. You have the option to skip work today. You could NOT care for your child(ren) and stay in bed if you so chose. You could sit down and read that book collecting dust on the shelf or build your own version of an awesome idea Stacy shared with you from Pinterest (am I the only husband who has mixed feelings about all that – there are lots of “honey-do” projects that can come out of Stacy browsing Pinterest). You could exercise. You could clean the house. Although it may sound obvious, you have a huge amount of power to decide what you do each day. It is up to you to exercise that power and work through the consequences (good or bad). You simply have to decide what is most important to you at a given moment and act on that thing. As you start doing more of what matters and less of what doesn’t, you’re making positive life change. See how easy that was?
I know, I know, it isn’t easy at all. I’m writing this as much for my benefit as yours. As I write this, I realize I have this huge list of things to be done at our new home before we can move in. We have a baby on the way. I have a wife who needs real conversation, love and caring from me. I have a daughter who needs me to play with her, train her and instill discipline in her. I have a job that demands my attention if I want a paycheck. I have a truck needing an oil change and a few minor repairs. I have TOO MUCH TO DO…just like you. What’s important and what matters? The best way to change for the better is to ask yourself those questions and then act on whatever you come up with as the answers.
I’ve noticed that most of the time, even when people are complaining about XYZ, they have absolutely no desire to really change. Because they know it would be hard, and they don’t want to do it.
Change IS hard..but it’s usually worth it. 🙂
That’s a LOT!! those were my exact words lol when we saw the numbers.
Wow very encouraging, and sooo case in point. Making a change is hard I agree it is the fear of the unknown we get caught up in so much that we forget to look at what opportunity we have if we just try it differently this time. We sat down sometime ago my husband and I and we were wondering where our money was going considering we both earn pretty ok. So we wondered and went through our statements six month back and lol!! we found out we were spending appx $6,000/yr on eating out and I can cook it was the tiny $5, $10 here that we thought is not a lot but it sure does add up so do the calories 🙂 this was it for us and we now track every cent we spend and end of summer all credit card debt will be paid off yaay! and now we barely spend $100 a month on eating out, and pounds have been lost. Nothing wrong with change, just try it and you will be surprised! Thank you for the great and encouraging post! 🙂
That’s awesome! 🙂 Thanks for sharing your story. I agree, most people have no idea how much eating out really adds up too…and wow! That’s a LOT!
I really love your blog!! It’s so informative and funny! I feel like I know you personally which I love. No high and lofty standards where I feel like I can’t ever compare to perfect Stacy. lol Can I request something though? I would really love to see a post about how y’all got debt free, from a his/her perspective. How you dealt with not going absolutely crazy doing a spending freeze or whatever form you used. We’re on our own journey, and point blank, it stinks! I need some advice/encouragement. Love you guys-
Thank you Lillian. 🙂 I did something along this line at the beginning of the year. It was called This is How We Do It. I let readers submit questions about our life and how we do things. I will email those links to you.
And as always, I’m looking for good post topic ideas – so anytime you have one of those, just shoot it my way! 🙂 Thank you!
Funny how this showed up today, when I’ve been ruminating on just this subject..relating to money, of course. I’m tired of letting money run my life, tired of never “having enough” at the end of the week, tired of being irresponsible and then feeling guilty for said irresponsibility. 🙂
I usually find that just when I need to hear something, it shows up on another blog I read. 🙂 I love how God works that way.
LOVE this!
My husband and I are having to learn this the hard way! We have been married for 11 years and have never lived by ourselves because of our money-behavior problems. We are now working to fix it all! I’m sharing this to tell y’all what God did for us today.
My husband got paid on Thursday. After paying tithe then bills there is just enough left for gas for the next 2 weeks. (For the next 2 months our budget is just “don’t spend anything!”) I ran to the store and was planning to get some k-cups for my brewer. There weren’t any on sale!! I wrestled with myself and decided not to get them (I have a reusable filter–it just taste better from the k-cup!) Excited about my victory, I thanked God that I was able to resist buying them…that’s a big deal for someone who would have normally gotten them because I had the money. Well, the point of this is what God gave us just a couple of hours later…someone gave us almost $80 that we weren’t expecting! The God I serve is able…I just have to do my part and decide to change!
Thanks for all you both do! I’m so glad I found your blog for this part of our lives!
Tara, that’s awesome! 🙂 You persevered! Thank you so much for sharing your story here with us!
Thank you this post was thought provoking.
I have been mulling over a similar topic. I continually come back to the realization that our motivation to do things (house-cleaning, caring for one’s family, finances, church events, developing relationships, etc. ) should not be to please man, child, pastor, ourself, etc. but must be to the glory of God. In another words, we should do all things to the glory of God.
“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31 🙂
This was speaking right to me today. My husband and I are about to leave a city we’ve lived in for over 20+ years and head east to Tennessee or the Carolinas and find new jobs and a new home. We have sold our home and have to be out on the 13th of June. We are looking at this as an adventure. My husband has wanted to leave this ever expanding metropolis since we were married 19 years ago. We are also dragging our 16 year old son who doesn’t really want to leave the place he’s always known as home. We feel a need for change and we’re finally doing something about it. It is a bit scary but we don’t want to live with “good enough” when we could be enjoying “fabulous”. Thanks for the encouragement on a subject that we are presently living.
This is a beautiful area to live! 🙂 Of course, I’m biased because I’ve always lived in this area. 😉 Good luck in your move!!!
I agree also. We do the same things the same way and then wonder why things never change. Thanks for “spelling it out,” Barry!
Linda
🙂 Linda, Barry is always spelling it out for me…I’m glad to have him around! 🙂
I needed to read this today 🙂
Thank you.
🙂 Isn’t it awesome how God works?
Woah!! Did I need that pep talk.. Thanks Barry! I am changing jobs and really was looking for some guidance..I have prayed about it and stressed over it,
CHANGE is GOOD!!! I am just making up my mind to do it and go for it. It really is that easy, just make up your mind and do it, but why oh why is that soooo Hard??
Changing jobs is one of the biggest kinds of change. You’ll do great! 🙂
Oh, I knew we were good friends for a reason. I struggle when people say, “That’s just what I’ve always done,” or “That’s just who I am,” or just simply do not allow their minds to wander about to the possibility that maybe, just maybe they have a choice…and an ability to choose something better. But this struggle for me is usually born out of pure self-righteousness. It’s a balancing act, no doubt. But regardless, this was a great post with a lot of really good points. Oh, and no need to hate on Pinterest…it makes your honey do’s better! 🙂
Woooooooooooooo Pinterest! 🙂
Once again, this is excellent! I have also been thinking of this topic a lot lately. It is good to ask the Lord our God, what should we do? I have found that He always knows best. May God bless you and your family.
Amen to that. When I get in a hurry, I have to remind myself repeatedly that God knows best. 🙂
Very encouraging and motivating post! Thanks.
Thanks for the nice comment! 🙂