Note: this is a satire. I am not looking for advice or recommendations for dryer sheets. I’m using them as an example. 😉
I hate static. It’s the bane of my existence. Who wants to lean down and kiss a sleeping baby only to shock both parties senseless? Who wants to kiss their husband and get whiplash from the head jerk after that unexpected electrification? You’ve been there. Ugh. It ain’t cool.
So, let me tell you…I’m hard headed. When I went through my EVERYTHING MUST BE NATURAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! phase, I determined to find a static solution that would work and wouldn’t kill me with cancer because everyone knows that dryer sheets and using the dryer will make your hair fall out and give you a permanent eye twitch…or something like that. Instead, what I ended up with was a permanent eye twitch from STATIC!
Now, I know this is only a problem I deal with in the winter. In the warm months, I dry everything outside and it’s humid so I don’t have the issues with static. I don’t have to worry that my Sunday skirt is sticking to my behind when I walk down the aisle in front of God and everybody.
I’m cheap too – so part of me didn’t really want to use dryer sheets because I could use that money for something else like uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Hmmmm. I’m not sure what else, but that’s what I kept telling myself. I’m really starting to doubt my sanity.
I tried everything. Everything. You can’t send me a solution that I didn’t try. Remember – I said I was hard headed and determined to make it work.
I switched to wool dryer balls. I’ll be the first to tell you, I love my dryer balls. I think they work really great for helping stuff get dry faster. I use them a lot. But they do not get rid of static. And in fact, I think they’re in cahoots with my dryer to make my static even worse.
I tried the safety pin attached to my skirts and pants. Nope. Not even close. I know that must work for someone…but apparently my skirts are strong willed.
I tried the aluminum foil ball. I had high hopes for this one. Instead, all my clothes came out of the dryer in one large static ball. CURSE YOU, ALUMINUM!
I do try to keep our house moist (ugh, I hate that word) in the winter and we boil a large pot of water on our wood stove. Nothing. Not even a little bit of help.
I even broke down and bought reusable natural dryer sheets. Ever buy something and then think “Man, that was dumb.” Yeah, this was one of those purchases.
My house is haunted by static.
So, in an act of desperation I sent my mom this email: Mom, could you please pick me up a box of dryer sheets at the store? I’m about to lose my mind over here.
And so, my fight with static was over. And I breathed a huge sigh of relief…and so did everyone who sits behind me in church.
I tried – I wanted to make it work. But it didn’t. It was making me MISERABLE. And let me tell you – my life is too short to be miserable about some silly little dryer sheets.
I’ve come to realize that sometimes in life you might try something natural or frugal…and it might totally flop. To keep it up when it isn’t working for you or your family is cray-cray.
Is there something in your life that you’re trying and it’s just not working? You’re making yourself miserable trying to meet some impossible standard? Your skirt is folded over and showing the Elders your underwear? Let me give you permission to STOP IT!
Your life is so short – the blink of an eye. Why would we all spend it worried to death and giving ourselves ulcers? Ain’t nobody got time for that (my new favorite catch phrase, even if it is a bit dated already).
Maybe it’s because you don’t want to spend the money on something…I’ve been there. But sometimes my life is crazy and I buy and occasionally use paper plates because it’s better to eat on paper plates than have a mama going off the deep end.
Maybe it’s because you feel like you need to use the natural version. I’ll be the first one to tell you that I’ve put myself through stuff because I was too hard headed to just use something that works. Maybe it’s medicine. Maybe it’s dryer sheets. Maybe it’s sticky-tack.
If you try something, and it doesn’t work…congratulations! You tried it! Hooray!
Some people say: if at first you don’t succeed, try try again. I think that might be the definition of insanity.
Stacy says: if at first you don’t succeed, give up and try something else.
I’m a happier mama with my dryer sheets. Join me.
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