Note: this is a satire. I am not looking for advice or recommendations for dryer sheets. I’m using them as an example. 😉
I hate static. It’s the bane of my existence. Who wants to lean down and kiss a sleeping baby only to shock both parties senseless? Who wants to kiss their husband and get whiplash from the head jerk after that unexpected electrification? You’ve been there. Ugh. It ain’t cool.
So, let me tell you…I’m hard headed. When I went through my EVERYTHING MUST BE NATURAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! phase, I determined to find a static solution that would work and wouldn’t kill me with cancer because everyone knows that dryer sheets and using the dryer will make your hair fall out and give you a permanent eye twitch…or something like that. Instead, what I ended up with was a permanent eye twitch from STATIC!
Now, I know this is only a problem I deal with in the winter. In the warm months, I dry everything outside and it’s humid so I don’t have the issues with static. I don’t have to worry that my Sunday skirt is sticking to my behind when I walk down the aisle in front of God and everybody.
I’m cheap too – so part of me didn’t really want to use dryer sheets because I could use that money for something else like uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Hmmmm. I’m not sure what else, but that’s what I kept telling myself. I’m really starting to doubt my sanity.
I tried everything. Everything. You can’t send me a solution that I didn’t try. Remember – I said I was hard headed and determined to make it work.
I switched to wool dryer balls. I’ll be the first to tell you, I love my dryer balls. I think they work really great for helping stuff get dry faster. I use them a lot. But they do not get rid of static. And in fact, I think they’re in cahoots with my dryer to make my static even worse.
I tried the safety pin attached to my skirts and pants. Nope. Not even close. I know that must work for someone…but apparently my skirts are strong willed.
I tried the aluminum foil ball. I had high hopes for this one. Instead, all my clothes came out of the dryer in one large static ball. CURSE YOU, ALUMINUM!
I do try to keep our house moist (ugh, I hate that word) in the winter and we boil a large pot of water on our wood stove. Nothing. Not even a little bit of help.
I even broke down and bought reusable natural dryer sheets. Ever buy something and then think “Man, that was dumb.” Yeah, this was one of those purchases.
My house is haunted by static.
So, in an act of desperation I sent my mom this email: Mom, could you please pick me up a box of dryer sheets at the store? I’m about to lose my mind over here.
And so, my fight with static was over. And I breathed a huge sigh of relief…and so did everyone who sits behind me in church.
I tried – I wanted to make it work. But it didn’t. It was making me MISERABLE. And let me tell you – my life is too short to be miserable about some silly little dryer sheets.
I’ve come to realize that sometimes in life you might try something natural or frugal…and it might totally flop. To keep it up when it isn’t working for you or your family is cray-cray.
Is there something in your life that you’re trying and it’s just not working? You’re making yourself miserable trying to meet some impossible standard? Your skirt is folded over and showing the Elders your underwear? Let me give you permission to STOP IT!
Your life is so short – the blink of an eye. Why would we all spend it worried to death and giving ourselves ulcers? Ain’t nobody got time for that (my new favorite catch phrase, even if it is a bit dated already).
Maybe it’s because you don’t want to spend the money on something…I’ve been there. But sometimes my life is crazy and I buy and occasionally use paper plates because it’s better to eat on paper plates than have a mama going off the deep end.
Maybe it’s because you feel like you need to use the natural version. I’ll be the first one to tell you that I’ve put myself through stuff because I was too hard headed to just use something that works. Maybe it’s medicine. Maybe it’s dryer sheets. Maybe it’s sticky-tack.
If you try something, and it doesn’t work…congratulations! You tried it! Hooray!
Some people say: if at first you don’t succeed, try try again. I think that might be the definition of insanity.
Stacy says: if at first you don’t succeed, give up and try something else.
I’m a happier mama with my dryer sheets. Join me.
We use vinegar in the wash and never have static cling! Read it somewhere and it really works for our laundry. Even makes thing hung out to dry softer.
I use vinegar too – I guess my static is overly ornery. 🙂
I learned long ago that dryer sheets work best for me. We live in a somewhat dry region and those dryer balls and vinegar etc did bupkiss to reduce it, especially in winter. Recently my biggest ‘viva la revolution’ moment is using the dryer – I now will tumble dry for 20 on low before hanging, but I officially refuse to just hang dry from the washer any more. Scratchy undies and nighties make me insane, so I will gladly ‘eat’ the 20 cents an hour. And yes, I use a dryer sheet and fleecy AND store bought detergent. I’m a rebel.
🙂 Living on the edge.
This is why yours is the ONLY blog on Mommy-ing and Wife-ing and Frugal-ing that I can read! You are the real deal. Thank you for showing that even ATTEMPTING to be frugal, organic, thrifty, sensible, simple, Jesus-lovin’ and put together all at the same time is usually worth a good laugh.
Better to laugh than cry. 🙂
I work with a company that has “the best of science and nature” and we have awesome dryer sheets that are completely green. I have a similar problem to you, I like to have my home completely green and safe, especially since I have 5 kids and 4 dogs, we homeschool (so we are in our home a lot) and we are a foster family. We don’t need toxins in our home! I used to make all my own cleaning products but I now buy completely safe products for my home (they are not even required to have child safety caps because they are so safe) and I SAVE MONEY doing it! Love it!
That’s fabulous!
I’m with you Stacy. I’m done going crazy over every minute detail of everything all day. Our mothers did just fine with stuff like Mary Kay and Oil of Olay with their petrochemicals and such. I too, have dryer balls and use whote vinegar but this winter I broke down and said they heck with it and now use dryer sheets too. (The vinegar DOES make stuff soft, just not so great for static) I also started using REAL deodorant again. Eek gads! And I vaccinate. Well there goes everything I guess… lol
You’ve just gone all to pot, Elizabeth. Bahahahaha! 🙂
As a Mary Kay consultant for 21 years. I’m glad to hear that Elizabeth.
I was also a Mary Kay consultant and loved it. Still do love the product ! I have driven myself nutty trying to go all natural. Only to end up with a pantry full of things that don’t work and food no one likes !!! Oh well,, all in the name of trying to get healthy. I write this as I am lying in bed with “another” terrible sinus infection,, haha, (I need the additives in my food, my system cant handle “all natural” !!Another lesson learned !! Plus,” I SAW IT ON FACEBOOK !! so it must be true”. hahahahahahaha,, (just a little Facebook humor)… and yes I am aggravated and fed up with Facebook too.. Going, going, gone !!!! Stacy, thanks for all your great tips, but most of all thanks for the laughs !!! We need as many as we can get… 🙂 ! btw,, Yes I have vaccinated, will vaccinate,, and am vaccinating !! Isn’t that what all the folks with polio, measles, chicken pox etc. fought for many years ago ??? And” thank you” to them for our children not having polio and dying from chicken pox, measles and the rest of the diseases that used to blind, cripple and kill so many. “PEOPLE”, we are so fortunate to have these vaccines. Maybe we all need a history refresher course so we remember what it used to be like before meds and vaccines,,,, and my fav,,,,,preservatives !!!! LOL
Stacy, you just crack me up!! Thanks for always keeping it real. 🙂
🙂 I’m glad.
Thank you for this! I’m such an all or nothing person that I feel like if I buy natural stuff everything in my life should be natural/organic and rate good with the EWG. And it’s honestly not possible as much as others on the Internet make it seem possible.
“Others on the internet” don’t live at your house. 🙂
I totally agree that we can’t worry about everything. For us right now it’s “natural flavors” that we’re considering eliminating. I keep going back on forth on if it’s worth it to eliminate something that may or may not be harmful but you’ll never know exactly what you’re eating because food companies want to keep their secret flavorings…well, secret! 🙂 In the end, we are trying to eliminate big things that we know are very likely harmful and trying to be okay with that. The world we live in is thoroughly corrupted by sin, you can’t avoid all of it!!! Do what works for you and try to feel okay about it. No static cling in Heaven!! Mama guilt – that’s a tough one to deal with!!! 🙂 Great job on an honest post. Love it!
This makes me think of the Bush’s Beans commercials. Ha, ha!!
I use dryer sheets and my daughter and I still shock each other all winter long! It’s terrible!
I’m about DONE with winter. Come on, Spring!!!
We have a white German Shepherd and his hair was on everything! On Facebook it said to use white vinegar in the washing machine. It has helped tremendously! No dog hair on everything coming out of the dryer! I don’t know how it works but it does!!
I love white vinegar! I buy it by the gallons. 🙂
So I remember a time when I started bawling in the paper goods aisle because I knew that the dryer sheets were one aisle over and the key to my sanity… But I didn’t want to give my baby cancer. The poor guy on the other end of the aisle shot me a horrified look and literally backed away like I was a rabies infested raccoon next to the toilet paper. Of course I called my husband, who also thought I was certifiable, and he demanded I buy a pregnancy test. We can all guess the result of that test, right? 😉
To make a long story short, my husband told me that he doubted Jesus said, “Thou shalt not use dryer sheets.” And until that incredibly unlikely event occurred he wanted me to buy whatever cancer causing agent that prevents him from making a lightening storm when he rolls over in bed. Amen.
😀
LOL 🙂 Oh dear – best story EVER!
Oh ! that is so funny !! I love funny people, They are one of the things that keeps me going !! We al need laughter in our lives. Laughter means sanity. Even if its colored with a few tears….. Yes,,,LAUGHTER AND LOVE !!!! It would be a sad world without them, and dryer sheets……….
This was so funny! Thank you for the post as I had a really good laugh. I totally agree with what you said. I also am a homeschooling mom and I am learning to pick the things that are important in raising my family. I can not do it all. Thank you for being a real person and loving Jesus. ?
He’s my rock.
Okay, so, confession. My kids take plastic baggies in their lunches, every day. And I tell them to throw them away, every day. I tried the whole, use washable containers when packing 3-5 lunches every day last year and almost lost it. Plastic zipper baggies are awesome!
You know what else is awesome?! $1.19 white bread in a bag. Yup. One bag every 2 weeks is aaaamazing!
My MIL saves her bags for me and I reuse them for stuff. 🙂
I am so glad that I found you out here in internet land! I seriously love your posts..You just make me Happy!
I LOVE THAT SONG! 🙂
Love this! So awesome. And yes, you are right…life is too short for some things.
🙂 I was reminded how short life is when I moved my 2 1/2 year old to a big boy bed last night….because he was just born yesterday. Right?!
I used to have a jug type thing full of fabric softener, some water, and cut up pieces of sponge. Squeeze the sponge, gently, and throw it in the dryer….worked like a charm. Then I just didn’t bother, and oddly enough, here in holy-crap-my-skin-is-cracking-Calgary, Alberta, static hasn’t bothered us since. I don’t use anything, not balls of wool or tinfoil or anything. I don’t understand, but I am not arguing.
Kinda makes me want to move to Canada.
Amen!
🙂
Stacy You crack me up!!! Been there , done that, too!!! Keep being honest and real!!!
My purpose has been accomplished. 🙂
And you seriously did not say ‘cray-cray’…..LOLOLOL
Yep. Yep I did.
I just want you to know that I LOOOOOOOVE your being real posts. I am a homeschooler of four and through homeschooling have been introduced to EVERYTHING that homeschoolers and other parents try to take on. As a result, I have realized that I am going crazy, driving my family looney and not enjoying life. So we buy some cereal (yikes), dryer sheets, bread (I don’t bake my own) and many other things. I have now realized that there is much judgement passed from Mom to Mom. I am trying to find some balance and lose the worry of judging eyes. Trying to be real so others feel as though they can be real as well and not put on a fake front, or try to take on so much that they end up miserable. You are the only blog I keep subscribing to as I love the realness you have taken on. Thank you for that.
It’s funny the things that people think we should be doing because we are “homeschoolers.” LOL
Oh, Stacy, I just love you! I actually laughed out loud. TWICE! “MOIST” I’m still laughing. I, too, share your hatred of that word 🙂 Thank you for reminding us we don’t HAVE to do things that don’t work for us. I love trying new things, natural, DIY, whatever. Some work, some don’t. I will continue trying…and failing. You just never know when you will come upon the latest -“That’s amazing! I can’t believe it works so great and makes my life sooo much easier”- Life Hack. And by the way, I LOVE the Bounce dryer bar, for the rare times I use my dryer. And I am ok with that 🙂
Say what?! Bounce dryer bar?! Do tell!
Its in the aisle with Fabric softener. It looks like bar of soap on a plastic back. The plastic has a sticky pad so it just sticks inside the dryer. You only have to replace the bar (not the plastic back)once its rubbed down to nothing. No garbage, no sheet to replace and remember EVERY TIME, no worrying if the sheet is stuck to your clothes. I don’t use my dryer much so it lasts sooo long, probably 9 months to a year. And it isnt that expensive, about $6. It also smells really nice. I love it sooo much! Totally worth it! 🙂
Well. Who knew.
This is why I enjoy your blog so much, honesty!
a.k.a. Disposable Plates, Cups, Bowls, Utensil Mom
Hello, my name is Stacy and I am a plastic utensil hoarder.
Oh my gosh. Me too!! We just moved, and I was packing the bags of plastic utensils, saying to myself, “I can’t believe I’m moving this. This is completely ridiculous.” And then I was packing snacks for the park (because the weather has been beautiful) and I remembered I had plastic knives! For spreading peanut butter! WIN!
I keep plastic knives for cutting BROWNIES!
Wow ! Kimberly, You were smart. Me,,, not so much ! I threw out my divine plastic utensils…:( Will NOT make that mistake again… Hope I won’t move again…..
This is how I was with diy shampoo. Hubby saw how miserable I was after a month of trying with my still “adjusting” oily hair. He went Biblical on me and said “you are supposed to submit to your husband, right?” I nod and he says “Go buy some shampoo please” with a smile. Lol I did buy some sulfate free though this time and my hair is so much better now. Sometimes it just doesn’t work. 🙂
This made me snicker. 🙂 Pulling the Bible card. Way to go, hubby!
I’m glad you posted this, because it’s a good point. Sometimes, the “unnatural” product just works. The nice thing is that the body has the ability to deal with some environmental toxins. If you’ve put in the effort to get rid of a lot of toxic things in your life, especially in your food, then your body is much more equipped to cope with the inevitable remaining toxins. So I don’t think there’s too much to worry about anyway 🙂
I like to think that milling grain with all it’s fiber helps flush my body out of anything else. Like M&Ms and dryer sheets. HA! 🙂
Okay, I’m going back to dryer sheets. Yea! I’m not alone! I will, however, cut them in half.
Of course! Because that’s how frugal peeps roll.
Actually (and I’ll probably get hate mail for this)…..it’s my oils! Sometimes the essential oils work miracles and sometimes you gotta give in and use the hard stuff! For instance, for the past two weeks, we’ve all had severe sinus infections that started with some evil airborne virus. After an entire week of oiling down my teen (very much against his will) nothing was working and he had to get a shot and antibiotic. Now I’ve got it and I’m sitting here asking myself if I want to endure oiling myself up, every two hours, or if I just want to go beg the doc for some meds. Sometimes I wonder when I turned into this person who thinks everything is going to kill us. I long for the days when I had a honey bun and a Dr. Pepper for breakfast and I felt great!!
I saw a recent article about a 90+ year old woman and they were asking her what her secret was to long life. She said “3 Dr. Peppers per day.” LOL
And also, I saw this post today and I think it’s for you:
http://essentialoilblogging.com/2015/03/28/is-there-anything-essential-oils-cant-do/
Thank you!! That article says it all! Oh, and by the way….I ordered that cream you suggested the other day for sleeping. Can’t wait to try it.
I hope it works!!!
I also hate the word moist…and watery. 🙂
Ew. Put them together and what have you got? Mildew, that’s what.
For me it’s the words “moist” and “pamphlet” that I hate above all others.
*Shudder*
Stacy,
I LOVE the “new” you! I have to pick and choose what to make versus what to buy and some of those choices are based on budget and some are based on convenience. They are not always the “best” choices but they are the best choices I can make and not be a slave to the kitchen. I am truly enjoying your blog and look forward to every new post.
I’m not sure it’s a new me…mainly just a me that busted out.
Hehe. This was a funny one. I’m thinking about putting them in my kids’ pants when we go to the park this summer and they slide down the plastic slides and their hair pokes up like a science experiment and you know what’s going to happen when you touch them! Some sort of park torture I tell ya.
Run away! Run away!
AAAAAAAAMEN. I’ve done the dryer sheet thing in so many areas! In the end, life is short no matter what crazies we do. Do you want to live a short-happy-simple life, or a short-stressed-tearing-your-hair-out life? I’m growing up and going more and more for happy and simple. My hair improves daily. Thanks for providing more permission!
Well, you didn’t need it from me. But here ya go….permission. 😉 Ha!
You are right, Stacy! Sometimes we all need to realize our limits! I’ve come to realize, too, that it is time to embrace those things that aren’t optional and then make my life easier on the things that are! I think we may be kindred spirits!
I usually have to hit my limit and go over the side before I realize where it was. Oops.
For the wool dryer balls to work you have to decrease your drying time. I set my dryer for 10min. Less than I used to, otherwise like you say the static is worse!!
Static haunts me. Literally. Even in the bed at night.
I’ve been pretty much down the same path. My “compromise” is to tear the sheets in half, or even in thirds. They still eliminate static. 🙂
Boom. Smart lady.
I love this! I was driving myself crazy thinking that my wool dryer balls must be defective because they don’t work! Yes, “defective” wool dryer balls. Sheesh. I had such high hopes for those things. I guess I’ll try to look for the crunchiest dryer sheets I can find so I can finally win the static war. 🙂
If they are crunchy, they might break apart in the dryer. I would go with soft ones. 😉 😉
Maybe it’s a climate thing? We haven’t had static issues since moving to the West Coast…..
Well, score one for the West Coast! 🙂 Woohoo!