• Home
  • About
  • Blog
  • Services
  • Resources
  • Contact
  • Shop
    • Shop Now
    • Cart
    • Checkout
    • Return Policy
    • My Account
  • Food
  • Family
  • Finances
  • Fundamentals
You are here: Home / Family / A Letter to My Eventual Daughter in Law

by Barry  1 Comment

A Letter to My Eventual Daughter in Law

If you missed last week, when I shared a letter to my eventual son in law, you may want to go back and have a look at that letter to give you an idea of why I’m bothering to write these letters in the first place. To sum it up: I have hopes and dreams for my kids and I want the person each of them ends up marrying to know a little about what my expectations are. Even though I only have about 11 years of marriage under my belt and a little less than five as a parent, I want to capture my thoughts now and share the wisdom I can offer today because I know at least a few of you reading this right now are about to “give away” your son or daughter and could sure use some input.

You’ll probably notice a lot of similarity in the two letters – that is intentional. I want my kids to know my expectations are high for both of them and similar for both of them. The letter to my eventual son-in-law was tough. I’d bet you this one won’t be any easier. Here we go…

To the Woman Who Marries My Son,

Andrew-James-600x400I was present at Andy’s birth, and what an interesting ride it has been ever since. From the start, I knew God had given me a blessing and a challenge. Most men out there are poor excuses for what they should be. Most don’t understand or appreciate their responsibilities to God and family. Many refuse to submit to any authority whatsoever. Others don’t want to care because they know the responsibility of a man is great, when carried out according to God’s standards.

Even before Andy could understand my words, he has watched my actions. I have been the person he looks at to learn what a man is and how he should act. I’ve failed numerous times already and by the time you are reading this, there will be a list of my failures too long for any library to contain. Nonetheless, I hope I have done enough of the right things and taught him to be the husband he should be for you. So even though it is hard to grant him your hand, I do so with some expectation. Pay close attention – there will be a quiz.

A wife must submit to her husband.

That sentence above is one that modern society refuses to understand or accept. I expect you fully know what it means and are ready to live it out. Please don’t misunderstand “submit” to mean Andy is allowed to treat you with disrespect, avoid putting you above himself or take advantage of your calling as his wife. By the time you’re reading this, I will have taught him that even though the Bible does require you to submit to his leadership, it also requires him to love you as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for it.  If he does his part to love you sacrificially like that, you need to do your part to support him and follow him.

A wife is her husband’s most important asset.

I would not be the same man I am today if it weren’t for Stacy. She is my biggest cheerleader, greatest fan and best friend. Even when he is in a bad mood and won’t act like it, Andy needs you, your support and your ability to help him be a better person. Don’t underestimate your value in this. If you need help learning how to support him, talk to Stacy – she is a pro. If you need someone to help if he is out of line, talk to me – I have been his model for how a man should act and maybe we both need to improve in an area or two.

Your ambition and your opinion are vital.

Andy may be the leader of your new home, but he’d better be smart and take advantage of your skills, talents and opinions in making the best decisions to run it. When it comes to decisions, be sure both of you are involved in the process. That way, when you succeed, you can celebrate what you did together. …And when there is failure, you can learn and improve together. While the buck may stop with Andy, his decisions will almost always be a lot better (and your marriage definitely will be better) if the two of you get to those decisions together.

{Special Note to Andy and Daughter-in-Law regarding money decisions: I expect you to live on a budget. I expect you to be mature with your family’s money. I expect you to work hard. I expect you to be generous. I expect you to tithe. I expect you to live without debt. I will raise Andy to understand that contrary to popular belief, God is in charge of everything – including money.}

Divorce is not an option.

You must not allow the idea of divorce to be an option in your marriage. When Stacy and I married in 2003, we agreed that divorce would never be an option. Why? Marriage is sometimes really hard. Stacy and I don’t always get along and there will be the temptation to give up somewhere along the way. While over half of the marriages in America fail, you must commit that yours never will. Your wedding vows aren’t an open-ended contract – they are a covenant between you, Andy and almighty God.

Happiness won’t always exist.

Your wedding day will likely be one of the happiest (and scariest) of your life. Add the honeymoon, then moving in together and setting up a home, and everything right now sounds like it will all be so much fun. But when you get to the part in your vows where you promise to love him “for better or worse,” realize you’re going to get both. I bring this up because as you experience the good times, you need to be thankful there is someone there to experience them with you. Likewise, when you experience the bad times, you need to be thankful there is someone there to struggle through them with you. Don’t point a finger of blame in the bad times; point a heart of gratefulness at all times.

Andy is a special man – he is my son. I hope and expect he has sought my advice on this marriage before you’re reading this with a diamond on your finger. If he has courted you, gained the blessing of your father and asked you to be his bride, you already have my blessing as well. I will continue to impress upon him the value of a pure and loving wife and to never take you for granted. I will encourage him to lead his home, to protect his family, and provide for you. I expect you to allow and inspire him toward those callings and support him in every way.

Sincerely,

Barry (a.k.a. “Daddy”)

P.S. – I have made the assumption in my writing above that you are pure of heart and intention. Don’t prove my assumption false.

As I wrap up these letters to my future “children by marriage,” I want to share a brief thought about parenting in general. As a deeply imperfect parent, I find the encouragement and challenge of others spurs me to become better. One of the best resources I’ve found recently to that end is a book by Steve Maxwell: Buying a House Debt Free: Equipping Your Son.  Steve and Terri Maxwell have really done a lot to encourage us recently through Managers of Their Homes and Redeeming the Time, and we’ve shared those reviews with you. So when Steve emailed and asked me if I would be interested in reviewing a pre-release of their latest manuscript, I was excited to jump in.  If you have a son, read this book…or at least consider the possibility of your son NEVER having to deal with debt.  Wouldn’t that be a blessing?  I plan to help Andy through that challenge, and I truly believe it is a worthwhile one.

Share this:

  • Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)
  • Click to print (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)

Other Posts You Might Like

About Barry

Barry is the husband half of the Humorous Homemaking team. He speaks and writes mostly about personal development and personal finance issues. He is the author of From Debtor to Better: The Details of Debt and How to Get Out! and regularly speaks at conferences and other events.

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the content above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase an item, I may receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Comment Policy: I love reading your thoughts and input on what you read here. I'm sure we'll disagree sometimes and that's okay! In those cases, do what's right for you and yours. As with any form of communication, only post comments that move the discussion in a positive direction.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Comments

  1. Handmainden says

    March 29, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    I appreciate this very much!! My inlaws, especially my husband’s mother is such a godly woman and raised her two children with an eternal purpose in mind. My husband is who he is today most in part because of his mother. I am so thankful that she brought him up to be the wonderful man that he is. I hope I can do at least partly as good as she did. The other thing I would say is never forget how you feel as the spouse (husband or wife) and be a great source of encouragement to your daughter-in-law. Thanks for posting…it is always a great reminder to see how a parent feels about their child and what a treasure I have in my husband. God Bless

    Reply


Hello! I’m Stacy!

I believe God created you to be the hero of your home. You CAN manage your home instead of it managing you. That’s why I empower women with simple solutions for their homemaking needs – because if it’s not easy, you won’t do it. {Read More…}

As Featured on the Dave Ramsey Show

Stuff You Really Should Check Out

home management course

humoroushomemaking

➡️Just a subpar mom letting Jesus lead the way.
❤️❤️ Christ-based family life & homemaking + homeschool
This page is on sabbatical 🤍

Stacy Myers: Redeemed
Hey guys - just a wee note. Our family has entered Hey guys - just a wee note. Our family has entered a season of silence and solitude. After so many changes last year, we finally just needed it as we seek what’s next.
If you need me or wanna chat before I’m back, you can always contact me via email which is the quickest way to get a hold of me. Stacy@humoroushomemaking.com
Trashy Pizza Date Night ❤️❤️ Trashy Pizza Date Night ❤️❤️
There might have been a few pairs of undies that I There might have been a few pairs of undies that I’ve come across from my kiddos that I thought: nope, ain’t worth it.

And pitched them. Don’t turn me in. 🤣🤣🤪
Instagram post 17950327165660081 Instagram post 17950327165660081
You’ll either love this tip or hate it. 🤣⠀ You’ll either love this tip or hate it. 🤣⠀
⠀
If you hate it, just scroll on by. 🤍 But it was helpful to us. 🥰⠀
⠀
Often, I have a hard time getting my kids to remember things I’ve taught them, like how to properly clean a toilet or clean mirrors. “I forgot.”⠀
⠀
You know what they don’t forget? Stuff they watch on You Tube. 🤪🤪⠀
⠀
So I went to You Tube and sourced kid videos about cleaning the bathroom. The kids all watched them. ⠀
⠀
Now they’re all cleaning their own bathrooms. Boom. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Worked for us. ⠀
⠀
** Just search on YT for “kid cleaning videos” and see what you find. Different parents have different parameters for what they allow. Barry and I screened videos first but each person can find their own. ❤️🤍
Time to add your own! I’ll go first! Girl, stop Time to add your own!

I’ll go first! Girl, stop hustling.

I’ll go again! Girl, eat a cookie. 🤣🤣
Did you have a stinky 2021? Or year before that? O Did you have a stinky 2021? Or year before that? Or month?⠀
⠀
Hard times can make us or break us.

Our family experienced some big changes and shocks and pruning (removing) in 2021. Some days I didn’t want to get out of my house or my bed.⠀
⠀
But already we are coming out of darkness into His wonderful light and I can see - I can see the benefits of hard times. ⠀
⠀
New beautiful growth and hope. ❤️⠀
⠀
What is one benefit YOU have experienced from hard times?
This culture has nothing to offer our family.⠀
⠀
I lived for too long believing that hustle was to the benefit of this family. ⠀
⠀
God’s call upon our life isn’t to hustle and grind our days away while we prove our worth and see our success. ⠀
⠀
No, friends. It’s God’s desire that when people look at you and me, they don’t see US or what WE accomplished but instead say:⠀
⠀
Wow, only God did that. ⠀
⠀
The Myers aren’t building an empire. We are building our family, day by day. Tiny moment by tiny moment. 🤍
Vintage candy style. Vintage candy style.
Load More... Follow on Instagram

© 2022 Humorous Homemaking LLC · All Rights Reserved. · Privacy Policy

 

Loading Comments...
 

    loading Cancel
    Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
    Email check failed, please try again
    Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.