I’m quite sure I get labeled as a “snob” on regular occasion. How do I know this? I’ve been told – “Gosh! I used to think you were a total snob!” True story…over and over.
I’m an introvert…maybe to the extreme. I’m sure other people see me as “snooty,” “stuck-up,” or “too-good.” But really, the truth is….I feel so socially awkward that I just cannot be a socialite, no matter how hard I try.
If you’ve ever met me in person or seen me in public, you can vouch for this…I’m a wallflower. I don’t speak in public settings. If I’m with Barry, I stand with him and let him do the talking. If I’m in a group of mommies, I stand on the outside edge and just listen.
I’ve tried to be more “outgoing.” But then I totally end up saying something utterly bizarre so that people just stare at me and walk away…true story. Again.
I’m comfortable at home or around those I am close to. I frequently use the term #hermitintrovert on Instagram to describe myself. I’m just happy here – I’m comfortable. I’m in the zone, man.
I HAVE to be drawn out – sought out – spoken to first. Otherwise, I’ll just take on my mute status. And I’m okay with that…I like my quiet place. 😉
BUT, lemme tell you something. When I do get to know you, you better watch out – the flood gates are gonna open and I’ll talk like a leaky faucet.
I’m not an extrovert who has lots of friends they consider their “besties.” I have a few very close friends...that’s it. And that’s all I need. I’m happy here…I’m in the zone, man.
You might find it crazy that I’m an introvert blogger…isn’t that an oxymoron? I share my life here – I let it all hang out (except with clothes on – all the time). But actually, being a blogger suits my introvertness. I can be at home – alone – and still write.
I’m not even an extrovert blogger – I don’t make lots of blogging friends – join blogging groups – go to conferences with other bloggers just to “hang out.” I tried that once – and while I loooooooooooooved being with my few close friends, I ended up in my hotel room on multiple occasions, crying, because I could not handle the amount of socialization going on. Sad, huh?
Actually, no. It’s not sad. It’s who I am. And I’m okay with that.
If you see me in public, please come up and speak with me. Because heaven knows, I will not initiate the conversation. HA! But I do want to chat with you – talk – get to know you. But I just don’t have the ability to make that first step.
Why in the world am I even writing this? You’re probably thinking, “Well, who gives a fat rat?”
I’m writing this because I know there are others out there like me…and I just want to encourage you – IT’S OKAY! It’s okay to be an introvert. It’s okay to be happy at home. We don’t have to be ashamed of the way we were made.
Sometimes I feel guilty because I don’t get out enough for my kids – so I try to make sure I make the most of the opportunities that we do have out. I occasionally MAKE myself do outings that I would rather not do (hello, three solid weeks out, including VBS and swimming lessons?!). Why? Because my kids aren’t like me.
My Annie NEEDS interaction with others. So, I take her when I can make myself. And I stand on the sidelines and watch her work her magic. I’m okay with that…I’m also okay with the fact that it means I have a “label” as a snob or stuck-up. I’m doing it for my kids, not for anyone else.
So, do me a favor? When you see another mama like me who is not talking, seems happy in her own world, standing back and watching her child…don’t label her. Don’t just assume she’s a snob…or rude…or inconsiderate. Maybe she’s just an introvert. Maybe she’s happy being quiet and not partaking in all the small talk. Maybe instead she’d rather get to the heart of things and immediately start talking about debt and big families. That’s cool – that’s me.
Introverts are not snobs. We’re just being us.
And I know there are more out there like me. Let’s be friends…together…but alone. Okay? 😉
How about you? Are you in my camp? Or do you thrive on interaction?
I just found out recently that my fiancee’s family thought I was a snob until recently. That term, “snob”, it offended me so much because I don’t think I’m better than anyone, not even an animal! I am an introvert and I’m also a little socially awkward. I want people to like me so much that I get nervous I’ll say the wrong thing so instead I smile, and I listen. I always make sure to smile though thinking that it will gloss over my quietness. Most of the time I don’t care what people think of me but family is different. These people will become part of my family in less than a year and to think that they thought I was a snob, probably still do is my worst fear. The thing that really gets me is I’ve tried to hard to be warm and friendly with his family but I probably did look aloof, or like I didn’t care. Anyway I wanted to thank you for sharing your experience. It makes me feel better to know that I am not alone.
Hi Suzy! I appreciate the honesty in your comment. If your heart is in the right place, eventually your fiancee’s family will grow to love and understand your personality!
Julie, Humorous Homemaking Team
From the time I was in elementary school I was labeled as “stuck up”. I’m 48 and people treat me bad sometimes and I truly believe it’s because I feel awkward around humans. I’m exactly like you. If you get to know me and I feel comfortable around you I’ll talk your ear off! It hasn’t been an easy road but I’d rather be the person I am and just be accepted.
Glad you’ve worked through and can accept yourself for who you are! Thanks for taking the time to comment 🙂
Julie, Humorous Homemaking Team
I am so in your camp, it’s not even funny! I’m trying to expand my daughter’s circle of friends but I’m totally ill equipped! Snobbish is furthest from who I am but introvert is spot on. Help!
I’ve been able to make sure Annie gets enough interaction by taking her to church activities and letting her play with the neighbors and her cousins on a regular basis.
I love this post! I’m more of an “ambivert” or an “extroverted introvert”. I do like being out with people, but I don’t like being the centre of attention. I NEED my me-time to unwind, I even need me-time away from my husband! I love when he has seasons of working out of the home and I have the evenings to myself to unwind or in the off-season when he has hockey 1-3 nights per week and I can enjoy silence to recharge!
Yes! I get that – I have to get up super early in the morning to get quiet time to myself…and even if I’m still tired, it doesn’t matter. If I don’t get that time, I’m good for nothing the whole day.
Stacey – you and I are soul sisters! I have always enjoyed quiet home time so much more than parties etc. Actually when we do have company over I tend to invite more than 1 couple so I don’t have to feel he pressure and anxiety of coming up with witty things to say. I prefer to listen unless I know you well and then in that case sometimes you can’t shut me up ☺️☺️
I love your blog – keep up the great work!
I just told Barry the other day…you can’t be witty when you’re supposed to. LOL It just kinda comes on when it happens. But, to try to be witty? Fagetaboutit.
I am exactly the same way. Introvert bloggers unite! 😉 I have heard the same line from others , “I used to think you were a total snob!” I never knew people viewed me that way. I think we all need to be thankful for the introverts and extroverts in our lives. And introverts need to know they are just as important and valued as others. I always wished I was an extrovert, but now I’m happy with who I am.
Right! I’ve learned I can be happy in my introvertness and experience the extrovert in me by making extroverted friends. 🙂
It took me 50 years to understand the way I am. Now I feel great!
I am 67 years old and the mother of 5 extrovert children. I have 25, soon to be 26, grandchildren and I have never read a description of exactly what my life has been. I have always been an introvert and I married an introvert also, except my husband has the ability to talk in social settings and even start a conversation. I have been a church organist since the age of 12 and find the organ bench to be my solace on Sundays, or whenever there is a service, so I can be on the “sidelines” for a reason, and I feel much more comfortable when I can just listen to people talking, yet not have to be part of it. I do have a couple of ladies I am comfortable with but a busy life as a mother and grandmother has not left much time to make close friends. I too love to write and express in words what I find so hard to speak. I have been slowly losing my eyesight since 1999 and the past 2 years have to use a blind cane to navigate when away from home. I have found that cane further isolates me and whereas I have enough sight to see people step out of my way, they rarely greet me and since I am not the one to start a conversation, I know they think I am stuck up. Kids though, are a different story. I never have a problem interacting with children and I’ve been a Sunday School teacher since I was 15, and I also direct a children’s choir, and a teen choir at our church. I am okay in my solitude but it was refreshing to read your blog and see myself.
26 grandkids?! Way to go!! You are abundantly blessed!!!
Thank you, I feel as if you were speaking my life. It has taken me a long time, but I am finally comfortable with who I am, and don’t feel like I need to apologize for my lack of socializing. I have a 12 yo daughter who is also a strong introvert, and struggles every day socially. It hurts so much to see and hear the unfair judgements directed towards her. I pray that she too will be able to accept herself and embrace her own personal uniqueness.
Since you’re like her, you’re able to help her – and that is SO great! 🙂
Oh my goodness yes. The part about standing next to your husband and letting him do all the talking? That’s totally me. I’m a pastor’s wife. I’m kind of expected to be social and involved in stuff, at least on Sunday mornings. I spend Mondays at home alone being busy doing all sorts of homemaker-ish things to make up for it. But get to know me and I could talk your ear off about food and kids and saving money. I’ll be your virtual friend. 🙂
Ha ha! Yes, most pastor’s wives are busy doing their thing. But, you do your thing and be happy! 🙂
I am a total introvert, and extremely sensitive to sensory stimulation, particularly sound. I have learned to tune out sound somewhat, but it is more like going into a shell of oblivion, lol! When I was young, I would attend my extroverted and boisterous cousin’s birthday parties. I often would have to disappear and go sit by myself with a book from their bookshelf. After a while, they would notice I was gone, come find me, and tattle about me (“She is reading a book again rather than being a part of the party!”). My aunt would laugh at them and say to leave me alone and I would come join them when I was ready. Not sure how she knew to say that since she is an extrovert too! When I got older, and was a homeschooled high schooler, a mom told my mom (loudly so I would hear her) that I was being anti-social because I would prefer to explore by myself than join the group of screaming girls I had nothing in common with. We were visiting a llama farm. I tried socializing with them, but they liked to squeal and freak out because there was poop and a falling leaf touched them. Yeah, no thanks. I will go hang out with the llama you just scared away! And, yes, in college I had so many people tell me they were afraid of me when they first met me, and were shocked to realize I was nice. I would ask them why I was scary, and they said because I was quiet. Never understood why silence was scary!
People aren’t used to silence. 🙂
My ancestors were homesteading pioneers. I like to think that they passed on the characteristics that would make for a good homesteader, which includes being content at home taking care of whatever needs to be done there, without feeling the need to pop into town or over to the neighbors every day. A good homesteader couldn’t be a social butterfly or their livestock and household would suffer. Unfortunately, earning a living in modern times is increasingly difficult without possessing the ability to at least fake extroversion.
I second the recommendation for the book “Quiet…” – A former manager bought the book for her team and it was incredibly beneficial for me. It talks about more than just introversion. The other two characteristics I remember it discussing were sensitivity (as in how easily does your nervous system become overloaded through sensory input, to the point where you want to scream like a newborn that has been passed around at a baby shower) and what the author calls self-monitoring (but I call having a poker face, or lacking one). The main thing I took from the book is that all three of the socially problematic characteristics (introverted, highly sensitive, and low self-monitor/no poker face) are perfectly normal, but non-dominant characteristics. That means that someone who possesses all three of those characteristics is going to be something of an odd duck and will struggle socially, but is perfectly normal. Uncommon, but normal.
Something else I found helpful was an article discussing what was learned about a group of monkeys of some kind where the observers were studying risk-taking behavior. What they found is that during times of plenty, risk-taking behavior (heading out into unfamiliar areas to seek food despite having adequate food close to home) was the foolish option as it took the individual into predator territory and resulted in higher death rates. However, on the flip side they found that risk-taking behavior was the wise option during times of famine, since the risk-taking behavior increased survival rates, despite death-by-predator, due to improved access to food. Deciding whether or not behavior is wise vs foolish requires evaluating the circumstances.
Rather than trying to shove my square peg into a round hole out of some societal pressure to be like everyone else, I’ve increasingly felt like it’s far wiser to seek out a square hole. Rather than trying to change my characteristics, my focus now is on finding a way to change my circumstances so that the characteristics I possess are beneficial and not problematic.
Well, now I definitely have to read that book. 🙂
I can relate on many levels. I was sharing last February with my HS choir director that I am so shy, and was having a hard time at a music conference talking to other directors. I can do it, but it’s hard to get over the hump sometimes, of trying to talk. Anyway, he recommended a book maybe you and I should read, “Quiet… The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking.” By Susan Cain. BTW, Jonathan and I read the Tidying book to each other out loud on our road trips, and during some of our meals. Very interesting. We are on the tidying road…thanks for the encouragement.
Thank you!!! I’m going to check the library for that one.
Hi Stacy –
I’m an introvert too. Something I only realized last year, the year I turned 50! I am now embracing it. But I’m like you – I won’t go over to that group of moms and start talking – noooooo way. I may talk to 1. but that’s it. And yes, once I’ve sussed you out and feel ok about you – I don’t shut up lol.
I have 2 daughters, one like me but not the other. Oh boy. It’s hard for me when I’m out with her, but I know I have to let her be herself and not put my quiet on her – because that is sooooo not her.
2 years ago she was asked to be part of a panel of tween girls talking about their feelings, school, bullying, etc. I was across the table from her. She does tend to ramble on…and then she mentions early morning infomericials (by the name of the product) and how they’re trying to sell beauty. Meanwhile I hear 6am/infomercial/beauty product name – I say in a low whisper “OMG” and want to melt into the chair. She, while continuing to talk, just throws in a “relax mom” and continues on. Did I mention I was sitting next to one of the town’s ministers. Everyone else was amused – I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me lol.
But as a mom you do things you never knew you could!!!!
Funny story!
My husband and I describe ourselves as introverts with social skills. 🙂 We do know how to hold a conversation with folks we don’t know. We force ourselves to join into social settings and activities, especially at church, because we believe inter-connectedness there is vital. We care about folks on the margins and try to draw them in. But we find it all so so so exhausting, challenging, and nerve wracking. Anyone else get the social sweats?!?! We are so very glad to be home with just as at the end of it all. Someone wrote here and I’ve heard it else where: introverts are drained by time with people (perhaps even people they love dearly) and energized by time alone vs. extroverts are drained by time alone and energized by time with people. I resonate with that.
I think it’s valuable to know who you are and accept it and work with it; like you said, Stacy, give yourself permission to be you. But everyone needs to know how to deal with a group setting and chat with folks when necessary. It’s as basic a life skill as driving and laundry and balancing a check book.
Great post!
It’s a life skill I don’t posses – I can’t sew either. 😉
This is so me, too! I’ve gotten over a lot of my shyness as I’ve gotten older, but I’m still very much an introvert. And I’m so with you on phone talking…it doesn’t terrify me like it used to, but I still rarely call anyone who isn’t a close family member. I’m not good at small talk (phone or in person), so I’d rather keep to myself to avoid that awkward silence.
I always say something super dumb. LOL
I’m sure you know this post speaks to me!!
That’s why we’re friends. 😉
I too am an introvert. I understand everything you wrote. I think some people think I am an awful mother because I don’t take my 3 year old daughter to play groups, library programs, swimming, whatever it is. She is an introvert too. We are both happy to be home most days. I know some people don’t understand and I think I have lost “friends” this way. I also see staying home as a way to save money. It is hard though when in-laws ignore me and treat me not well because of this. I try to focus on my little family and know we are okay. My husband is more of an introvert too, so it works. I do love to do things but talking to people I don’t know is not my thing. Thanks for the post!
Your family can be introverts together – alone. 😉
I hate labels, but knowing that I am an introvert through and through, has really heaped me learn more about me. I was called snob, shy, and all other kinds of names and I was starting to believe them. As I began to learn more and more about being an introvert, I learned that it’s the y way that God wired me and I began to search out what was truth and change my way of thinking and doing things. Right now I am reading “Introverts in the Church” by Adam McHugh. Amazing book. Churches are for extroverts, but introverts can also have a ministry fitting with their personality. It has really opened my eyes.
You know, I never thought of that. But you’re right!
Yes, I am an introvert also. I do make a point of putting a smile on my face and saying good morning to people I see at church. I heard someone talking about this very same thing on Christian radio and he said an introvert needs home time to “recharge” while an extrovert needs people time to “recharge”. Opposites usually attract so some introverts are married to extroverts. It is hard for me to attend my husbands work parties and picnics as I don’t know many of them and really have nothing in common with them. It is hard to strike up a conversation and try to act like I am having a good time. I come home exhausted! It is the D (dread) word when he announces another work party. ?
After some events, I have to come home and nap. LOL
Yes! We live two hours away from my husband’s very large family, and it seems like there’s a wedding or some other get-together every few weeks. They are mostly extroverts and just don’t get that I’m not being ” stuck-up” or “selfish” or “stubborn” because I don’t go to everything:( I like his family and if we lived nearby, I would make an appearance. But to spend several hours trying to chat just wears me out! My husband either goes by himself or will take the children and that is just fine with me:) . Are there different rules for in-laws/family? I guess I’m asking if I’m just an extreme introvert? The constant pressure to always go is wearing and stressful to me:/
Nah – I think if you’re an introvert, you’re an introvert with mostly everyone. Until they are close friends. 🙂
Great article! I think I’m an extrovert, although am not one to “hang out” with girlfriends. But I do love people- befriending and getting to know them. I try and look for the person standing or sitting alone (like at church, or at a meeting) and go over and say hello.
I do well with a few close friends.
This is me all over, Stacy! I just bet plenty of people think I’m a snob too. I know people find me unapproachable. But online, I can be more expressive. I have time to think through what I want to contribute. Many people think I’m an extrovert online 🙂
It’s because you can type it out, think and re-read it. When you talk, you can’t delete. LOL
YES YES YES. Me too! …which means we’re never going to meet because neither one of us will be walking up and introducing ourselves. : )
We can just wave. 😉
Thank you for the encouragement! I’m the same way:) I need to be thankful for the way God did make me, and not dwell on what He left out 😉
He knew what He was doing.
I cannot count the number of times I heard “I was afraid of you when I first met you” from co-workers or that “Wow! You’re really nice. I thought you were stuck-up.” Thank you for the validation.
LOL Heard those too.
I just read this interesting article on introverts. http://nymag.com/scienceofus/26/apparently-there-are-four-kinds-of-introversion.h015/0tml My husband and I are introverts. His mother is an extreme extrovert. Our first child is also an extreme extrovert. It’s been interesting trying to get used to her trying to draw as much attention as possible when we try to avoid it!!
Yup – my Annie is an extrovert too.
Oh my goodness you just said EVERYTHING I’ve been wanting to say to so many people I’ve crossed paths with in my lifetime, including my own mother!!!!! I never understood growing up what was “wrong” with me. Even as a young adult through my late twenties until I caught an article about “introverts”. Then it was if someone flipped a light switch on in my head. I have but a mere handful of “close” friends and that’s okay with me. I’ve finally learned to love and appreciate myself for WHO I am, though I still struggle. I struggle with depression, I struggle with the demons of my past, I struggle with the fact my sister and Mother won’t accept me for who I am. They both see me as having “issues” I need to correct and need to face, my sister hasn’t spoken to me in years because of “the person I am”. So THANK YOU for saying what so many of us struggle to find the eloquent words to say! One question………how do I get to your blog??? I most definitely want to follow you!!! God Bless!!!
Where you are commenting is my blog. 🙂 Up on the top right you should be able to sign up for email updates.
Great post! This is me. I am almost 60 and I find interacting with most adults to be exhausting! I’m just not good at it. So I stay to myself a lot. My grandson asks me often “who’s your best friend” or “do you have any friends” and my answer is I don’t have one and no, not really. I have acquaintances. A friend is someone you could call to help you move or talk to about anything at any time. Since my best friend died from cancer several years ago, I haven’t made an effort to be close to anyone else. Plus, I’ve been a stay at home mom/nana my whole life and while it’s great to be here for kids and grandkids, it’s not very conducive to meeting people. And I wouldn’t know what to say anyway! But I’m ok with it. My granddaughter plays softball and I go to all her games but I sit by myself. I know all the other parents think I’m snobby or standoffish but I really am not. Just painfully shy.
But your grandson is helping you get out. 🙂 Kids are good for that.
I’m exactly like this, Stacy! I am awkward in social settings, sometimes even with close friends. On the other hand, I’m married to a total socialite! My husband can make friends with anyone, anytime and it unnerves me! Then again, it’s nice to have him to stand in the gap in social scenes. It takes the pressure off of me 🙂
That sounds like Annie. 🙂
Yes, yes, yes! We have probably all attempted to change or “fix” our introvertedness (nobody likes being called stuck up or snooty), but when we do it out of fear of being a bad person, we don’t get very far. Step #1 on being a happy introvert is noticing nothing is WRONG with it!
I can have conversations in social settings the same way I can swim. I can only stay afloat by treading water or doing a backstroke. So, I’m not a swimmer, but I can still enjoy water, just like we still enjoy other people. Good for us on having the Internet and people who are just the right amount of stranger here that we can open up to!
Any other introverts feel like the world opened up to them when they had children? Like, suddenly I have a default thing to talk about with people who seemed to have me crossed off their “try to converse with” list due to my shyness. Also, “shy” – I’m trying to focus on making sure to say my toddler is “ACTING shy” when he meets people he’s not around much. Not just whipping out the label and saying “he IS shy.” Some people will use the word “cautious” or “careful” instead of shy. If he is an introvert like both of his parents, wonderful, but I’m not the one to decide that. Maybe I should just start joking with the next cashier who asks me if he’s tired because he’s not talking and say, “Nah, he’s just stuck up.” 🙂
Connecting someone’s conversational style to their personality is a mistake and says more about them than you. It surprised me to hear people thought I was stuck up. I guess I’ve heard it since middle school. If I’m already afraid to talk to you and you insult me by saying that, why should I bother? So I doubled over my effort to appear modest and got picked on for bad posture. Ha! Nobody wins when you try to fix a problem that’s not a problem!
Be kind to quiet folks, likely they’re having kind thoughts about you but just aren’t saying them!
I find it easier to get out if I’m with my kids. They do most of the talking. LOL
My kids are older and both go to school because they are extroverts and thrive on being with people daily. I go to everything at school such as class parties etc… I am That Mom and I know all the other volunteering Moms think I’m probably a snob but I don’t really fit in with them and I’m okay with that. For all you fellow introverts out there it’s okay to dance to the beat of your own drum. I feel better living my authentic life without trying so hard to fit in when I clearly don’t and it’s Okay!
I like the drum in my head.
You have described me to a T! I didn’t even realize I was an introvert until a few years ago…..I just thought I was messed up. It’s reassuring to know I’m not a total mess ?. Thanks for the article….it really does help introverts like me understand that it’s okay….and we are GREAT people!
We are all a total mess. 🙂 God uses messes.
I am very similar! I love people, but I can only handle a few at a time, and I need time by myself each day. (I love quiet time, and my kids are stuck with it for a long time!) My 5 year old is also an introvert and will just say, “I need time by myself in my room.” But my 3 year old is quite the extrovert! She is always asking where we are going or who is coming over? I’ve been working to find the balance to get her the socialization she craves/needs and also let my son and I have the time to ourselves that we need. (My husband is also an introvert, but less than my son and I.) I also often find myself afraid people think I am not friendly, so I try to be very intentional about smiling at people even if I don’t talk to them.
Annie is our extrovert. 🙂
Thank you Stacy!!! I also am an introvert who has struggled socially most of my life. My husband on the other hand is an extreme extrovert. So is my son(7). My daughter (23 months) just brings the conversation because of her bright eyes.
It feels good knowing that others really do understand how I am.
Kids are good for drawing people out.
Oh my goodness! I felt like you were writing about me! I am totally an introvert! Thanks for talking about it! 🙂
LOL Seems like there are many of us.
Your post really resonated with me….I fit the ‘Barry model’….an introvert who knows how to be an extrovert.
Small talk makes me nervous. I’d much rather get into an in depth discussion with someone.
I’ve been reading your blog for a few months now. Love it!!!
Thanks, Belinda!
I’m very much an introvert who has had to be out of my comfort zone for many years as I homeschool my children (ages 3-17) none of which are introverts! People even ask my husband why I am so stuck up! Good thing I have thick skin. I say introverts unite!
LOL Why is your wife stuck up. LOL That made me laugh!
Me to a T!! Love this! Thanks for writing this!! ?
You’re welcome!
I am sooo in your camp! I’m getting to where I can be a little more outgoing at times…but it still depends on the situation… and I’ll probably still need some time in a quiet room afterwards to unwind. I have a few close friends, not a big group. Sometimes it would be nice to have more friends, but it takes a long time to open up to someone. I’m like you though…once I do….if we have things in common I could talk all night. I would love more deep conversations. It seems like nobody talks about much of anything lately. You can only handle so much of that you know? I complain about people who talk and never say anything.
Do you have problems with extroverts who have no concept of what being an introvert is like? I have relatives who honestly seem to think something is wrong with me. “Why aren’t you talking??” “Just say something.” Ugh!!!! I talk when I have something to say, otherwise I’m quiet. What really gets me is when I hit my breaking point and just can’t handle anymore babbling. I’ll go find a quiet room and shut the door so I can read and unwind…. next thing you know someone is banging on the door: “What are you doing in there?” ok…sorry for the rant. It’s been an especially introverted week for me. 🙂
I am trying to remember to not focus on me and do a better job of reaching out to others, but it’s definitely not natural for me. I’ll always be more comfortable one on one than in a group. I read something before about some of the most outgoing people online being introverts in the “real world” I think that’s been true for me. It is SO much easier to open up and talk to someone when I’m not staring them in the face.
There is the book called, Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking. I highly recommend it. Lot’s of good stuff about working with our natural strengths instead of trying to mold ourselves to what the world considers “normal.” …and it’s always nice knowing we’re not alone. 🙂
It’s sometimes hard for people to understand those who are not like them. Just do your thang. 🙂
Yup, thats me. My husband told me he thought I was stuck up when he first knew me. Heaven knows why he stuck around long enough to fall for me. I have been called “cold” and “harsh” for standing back and not joining in and for rushing out after church to get home and be alone. Thanks for the post.
Well, obviously he was able to get to know you. 🙂
Oh my, Stacy, I just found your website while relaxing after putting the kids to bed and I just love every part of it and when I clicked on the home button, this article came up and I discovered we are very alike. I thought I was odd and a nasty person for not wanting to interact with people but I found a couple of days ago something on Pinterest on introvert people and it is just me. I don’t mean bad by staying on my own, I just like to be on my own…
I still need to read through the whole website but I’ve seen you mentioned a couple of books on clutter and budgeting that I actually love too, so I think we kind of think alike. My only problem being I have all the tools and now I just need to use them, but always postpone. I will get there I suppose.
As a French person, I also like to see how American people live. I am a Christian too but I like it that you do not mention God in every sentence that you write. As a foreigner again, this is something I noticed in American websites and that is quite surprising. But once again, people are free to do what they want and that’s just my opinion. All in all, thank you – and your husband – for your websites which are quite useful and entertaining.
Nice to meet you! 🙂 Please holler if I can do anything to help you. I love having new people here.
Hahahaha YES. Yes indeed. Wonderful post.
Thank you. 🙂
I am an introvert through and through! The best definition I have ever seen for introversion vs. extroversion was that an introvert is drained by people and extroverts are energized. So very true for me. Unfortunately, I work as a nurse, so I am forced to spend at least 12 hours at a time around families and other health care workers. (I work in an NICU.) It would be such an awesome job if it were just me and the babies. Alas, it doesn’t work that way.
I know that others would assume that I am a snob if I don’t try to be “friendly”, but it is so hard. Feels fake to me. But yet, if I know someone well, I will talk their ears off!
We home school, so I try to get the kids out of the house. We were kind of hermit-like a few years ago when the oldest was going through some serious problems with his health; we couldn’t make plans for any given day due to how unstable his health was or need to go to doctor appointments. Life has changed a bit and he is much better, but I love staying home and hiding in the winter or just re-energizing my batteries after a long weekend at work.
I totally agree with your blog post. Would love to chat with you if we were out and randomly met about debt and big families. (highly unlikely we would bump into each other.. as I am in Ohio.) We have a family of 4 kids and we are paying off the remainder of debt so I can stay home with them full time next year. Thanks for your blog for your humor, your family, and home making. BTW, I love KonMarie! Thanks for introducing it to us through your blog.
🙂 Yay! What a great comment! And you’re not too far off. I have family in Ohio. 🙂
Story of my life!!
It’s too teeny for me to read. 🙂
Stacy THANK YOU for writing this. I’m the mom of an introvert. I’m not so it is very hard to understand my daughter. I struggle with her reluctance to do the things she needs to do in life. Seriously we were returning things to Hobby Lobby today and it was so difficult to stand back and MAKE her be the one to do it. It was like she was afraid of the cashier. Is that normal???? She’s 19 btw. I push her to do more at times and it can really back fire or it can go well & she feels a sense of achievement. I never know what will happen though. Blessings!
It’s normal if it’s also normal that I put off making phone calls because I don’t want to talk to people I don’t know? LOL 🙂
I do that, too, even with people I DO know. I always try to get people to use email rather than the phone with me. Which, in turn, leads to all sorts of criticism. I’m ok with that 🙂
Oh, yes, I get ya. I’d say more, but I just used up all my words on an afternoon visitor. I’m slap out. Time for a nap.
Yup – after VBS, I had to take about a 90 minute nap. Every. Day.
Thank you for posting this! My husband and I are both in your camp. I have one “best” friend and very few close friends. Once they are my friends, I talk their ears off and let my geekiness fly! My husband has said that I look mad or bored in unfamiliar group interactions. Nope, it’s just my natural facial pose 🙂 I don’t know what to say half the time because I like talking about deep things. Small talk is so hard and tedious for me. I probably doesn’t help that I don’t have cable and I try to limit my internet usage.
Thanks again for explaining to others that we are just like the extrovert moms except not as loud and noticeable.
Yup – why waste time with small talk. Let’s really get to what matters. 🙂
Funny I don’t remember starting a blog and writing this post…. You’ve described me perfectly! I’m glad I married an extrovert for when we are in social situations, he can talk to everyone! I’m a good listener. Not a good talker. The thoughts in my head just run into each other and I try to speak and it comes out like a train-wreck. I get that weird look and the walk away too. Ha-ha! Oh well.
Barry is an introvert too…but he knows how to be an extrovert. Which is VERY good when we go out. LOL I can let him do all the talking.
I’m an introvert but most people think I’m an extrovert. Why? Because I can carry a conversation. What they fail to notice is I’ve learned how to ask questions to get the other person to talk and then I stand there quietly and listen.
My husband is an introvert too. He has also learned how to get others talking. I’m so happy for him. Actually, I tend to sidle up to him and let him get the conversation going. I don’t have to do it anymore. ?
If you want to get so you can be perceived as an introvert, simply start practicing on people you don’t know and will likely never see again. That way it’s safe. If you screw up, who cares? They don’t know you.
I, too, like my home. Once I get home, it is a challenge to get me to leave.
You described Barry perfectly. 🙂
Describes me too! I can usually get the conversation ball into the other person’s court and just watch from the sidelines. 🙂
One of my daughters is a real social butterfly, it’s challenging because I’m so not (we homeschool so I have to make a great effort to get her out of the house). I have another daughter who is like me, an introvert who can mask. My oldest daughter is even more of an introvert. So we would all love to just stay in the house and talk to each other. All except for the little one that is, she’s always ready to get out and socialize.
OMGOSH, Stacy! This is exactly me. Thank you for putting it into words. 🙂
Words – they’re my thing. As long as I’m alone. In my house. Alone. LOL
LOL
Total introvert. To the point where I think I’m developing total social anxiety. Not a good thing. But I’m slowly starting to push myself out into the world. And people used to call me a snob, too. Once they got to know me, they realized I was just introverted and shy.
Yup…been labeled many, many times. 🙂 Hugs.
You absolutely get me. My husband used to want me to go “hang out” with the girls more often because he felt like I was too lonely sitting at home. I asked him if I had ever said one word about *wanting* to hang out with the girls. I have 3 friends I would consider close enough to even consider hanging out with. I don’t do that socializing thing that every other woman seems to find so necessary while they have their morning tea. Plus, who wants to pay $5 for tea every morning? I am happy with my homemade tea, my puppy-dog, and my books. =)
Replace that with coffee, and I’m with you. I have a couple friends who live far away and we get to visit a few times a year. And then I have two friends who live close and we get to visit about once a month. It’s a good schedule for all of us.
I am the same way, Stacy!! It use to bother me that people would think I was a snob, I could care less now that I am older. I am happy at home and away from people. It is just who I am. Own it, honey! LOL
Own it! Getting older has its perks! BOOM.
For real. 😉
Totally.
I cried! This is so so so me! Thank you!
No! Don’t cry! Be happy! Now, go eat some chocolate.