For a long time, I told myself I didn’t need friends – I’m a loner. Women are just annoying and catty, and all they do is talk about each other behind their backs. Who needs or wants that?! But in the past few years, I have made some of the best friendships. And when I started sharing about my new friendships, it was amazing how many of y’all reached out to me asking how to find real, genuine relationships with women that won’t bring you down! So today, I’m sharing some of my thoughts and tips with y’all on how to make friends.
Join Facebook groups with people who have similar interests as you.
There are groups for everything from Weight Watchers to homeschool to Cross Fit. Maybe you are into cross stitching or underwater basket weaving or tattoos. Or maybe you like to draw tattoos of people who are cross stitching while underwater basket weaving. You do you.
Make genuine comments and posts so you can actually connect with people!
Take the time to put yourself out there and show genuine interest in what other people in the group are sharing and doing. If you find something you think you could connect with – put yourself out there! But keep in mind you have to be comfortable with people saying no. I’ve asked people to be friends, after I thought we’ve connected, and they’ve said no. And it hurts for a minute, but then I just move on. You don’t let that keep you from finding someone else to connect with you!
Apps can be an amazing tool for growing friendships.
I do strongly encourage women to have real-life, in-person friends. But I also think that apps like Facebook Messenger, Instagram, Marco Polo, Voxer, etc., can be great tools to help you grow your relationships. It’s important to really get to know your online friends on a deeper level than just liking and commenting on Facebook posts. With Marco Polo, you can actually see the friends you’re making and it really makes it seem like you actually know them before you meet in person.
It’s not scary to meet people that you’ve met online.
Here’s an example, I have a friend name Kristen, The Frugal Girl who I met on my mastermind group for bloggers. I just got to know her – on Facebook, Instagram, and Marco Polo. When I was in DC for a conference not too long ago, she drove down from Maryland and we had dinner together. And we had the best time! It was like we’d known each other since forever. We just sat and talked! She didn’t make fun of how much ranch dressing I consumed… You’re going to find that a lot of my tests of friendship involve around food 🙂 If you’ve told yourself that the only way you can make friends is in person, that’s not true!
Ask local people to have a consistent ladies night.
I have developed a group of local friends through my online essential oil group. This was not something I anticipated, but when you have common interests, it’s not hard to find people who you like – or maybe people you really, REALLY like! I get together regularly with my local oily friends and have a ladies night.
Maybe for you it’s not an oily group. Maybe it’s a homeschool group, maybe your workout buddies, maybe the other moms from your kids’ soccer team or ballet class. I don’t know! Just reach out and invite them to a group dinner and see who you might mesh and make friends with.
Don’t dwell on friendships that don’t pan out.
Anytime you just don’t mesh with people, if they ditch you, or don’t accept your invitation for friendship, just move on. Don’t dwell on those friendships that just don’t work out for whatever reason. Thank the Lord for protecting you from what could have been an unhealthy friendship. God is good and I believe He’s got something better in store for me and you.
Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there.
If there is a random person you think you might have a lot in common with and could do deeper with – give it a shot. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there to make friends! For example, there was a girl from church that I thought I could really be friends with. I wanted to invite her to come over and hang out so we could get to know each other. But I was nervous about asking her! I totally chickened out at church. But finally, I texted her later to invite her over, and guess what? She said yes! Come to find out, we are totally two peas in a pod. I’m so glad I actually went for it!
Don’t let yourself become bitter!
Don’t be like I was and think that since you’ve lived for so long without genuine friendships, you must not need them. I promise you that not all women are ugly and catty – some of them will really love you! And I believe that someday you will find real, genuine friends. Friends who are fun to be with, who recharge your batteries, who are uplifting and you are comfortable with.
The moral of the story is, most of the time, good friends don’t fall in your lap! Sometimes you have to get up off your blessed assurance and do something. If you really want or need a friend, you have to put forth some effort. And I am confident that when you do make friends, all the hard work and effort will be worth it.
Fabulous article! I love talking to people but always get nervous I come off too strong. Plus between two little kids, homeschooling, my husbands business and everything that happens in life I am horrible at keeping up with people. I also don’t engage in social media like Facebook which can make things harder. Anyway it was nice to read this and get a few tips, so thanks!
SO glad you appreciated this post, Misty! Making friends is hard and doesn’t always work out with every person you try to connect with, but it is so worth the effort. Good luck:)
Julie, Humorous Homemaking Team
I get what you’re saying but I’ve had so much heartache when it comes to “friends” over the years that I’d rather just stay away. I mean I have the kind of friends where you talk and catchup when you see them but I don’t go out of my way to call them or text them or go places with them or anything. I liked their comments on Facebook and see them when we run into each other but that’s it. I’m okay with that.
That’s a good point! For some people, that’s a much better approach for sure. Thanks for taking the time to comment!
Julie, Humorous Homemaking Team
I have been so blessed by people who have become friends in my lifetime! The Bible says that a friend loveth at all times (Proverbs 17:17 – and a brother is born for adversity ?). I take my role as a friend very seriously and have endeavored to help my children understand that, as well. You are right, it does take work sometimes, but all relationships do, and God must feel that friends are a necessary part of our lives. I actually think that it isn’t necessarily for our benefit, per se, but that we look at it as “what can we do for others”? I ask my kids, “are you being the kind of friend that brings her closer to the Lord? Or is she that friend for you?” Am I being that friend and with that, an example to my kids? It has helped them see their responsibility in that and also it helps them understand why we may need to separate them for a time…
All that helps with the gossiping/back-biting, etc., when we see friendships as a genuine responsibility before the Lord. Lots to be said on friendships, but I sure am grateful for the ones God has put in my life!
Thank you so much for this comment, Denise! It went to spam folder for some reason so my apologies for the late response. I love the way you are modeling friendship to your children – such an awesome example for them of what Christ’s design for friendship is. Thanks again, Denise!
Julie, Humorous Homemaking Team
Such great advice Stacy. It’s hard, but I’m trying to do better at putting myself out there. As a fellow introvert, I struggle with what to talk to people about. However, the more I try, the easier it gets. Thanks for a great post.
Yes, it definitely gets easier the more you put yourself out there. Good luck to you, Julia!
Thanks for commenting,
Julie, Humorous Homemaking Team
Hi Stacy, I enjoyed reading your comments about how to make friends. I am 65 years old and have found that making real friends is not that easy. It takes time and luck. so many people are not open to making new friends..they already have family and friends and feel they dont have the need/time etc for new friends. If you make one good long term friend in your lifetime, consider yourself blessed, many people never have even that. Just speaking from experience on this.
I agree with Nora. During my younger days when I was a stay-at-home mom and was homeschooling I had several really close friends – we were all doing life together. Once my kids grew up, I went back to school myself and got a great full-time job. Now, at 62, I have people I call friends but do not feel really connected to any of them. (We live in a different state from where I had the really close friends previously). Part of it is my fault for not getting involved in much because after working all day, I don’t have the energy. But also, when I do find someone I seem to “click” with, usually they aren’t looking for another friend – their families and other friends keep them busy already. (My kids all live in other states, so grandkids are not nearby either). Maybe it will be easier once I retire and have more free time, but finding those people with whom you feel like “two peas in a pod” is very special – never take that for granted. Some only get one or two of those in a lifetime!
Your words are so true! Friendships are a gift – sometimes for just a season. But we definitely do need to cherish them!
Julie, Humorous Homemaking Team
Thanks so much for the comment, Nora! I do know what you mean – a lot of people already have enough relationships just within their immediate and extended families. But yes, friendships are a true blessing!
Julie, Humorous Homemaking Team