If y’all have been following for any amount of time you know that I am a stay-at-home, work-from-home, homeschooling mom. But more importantly than that, I am a wife to Barry. Being a wife is just as much – if not more! – who I am than all those other things. But for some reason, finding time for your marriage is just one of the hardest things to do!
You are not just a homemaker. You are not just a mom. You are a wife.
Sometimes my life as a homemaker is so constant and non-stop that it’s easy for it to take over and become my life. Make breakfast, do dishes, sweep, mop, wipe butts, wash hands, make snack, wipe butts, clean up messes, make lunch, wipe butts, wipe snotty nose, repeat. Yes, it seems like a never-ending job. It seems like it is your whole life is tied up in your role as a mom and homemaker. But here’s the thing – your kids are going to grow up and leave one day. When that happens, you want to make sure you still have a (good) relationship with your spouse. I don’t want to feel like an empty shell of a person when the kids are gone! It’s important that I cultivate my relationship with Barry, not just my children.
Children are awesome, but you didn’t marry them!
It’s hard to enjoy each other when we are having dinner with four loud children. And Barry and I don’t go out on typical dates very often. It’s just too hard to find someone to stay with our kids in the evenings. When Annie is going to be old enough to stay home with the other kids and Barry and I can go out alone without the kids, that’s going to be AWESOME. But for now we make the best of the situation by having a standing at-home date night.
Unless one of us is out of town, Sunday nights are our time to be together.
We share a special at-home date night every single week. On Sunday nights, after the kids are in bed, Barry and I have dinner and movie. It’s usually trashy pizza and Doritos because those are some of my favorite foods in the entire world. I realize it may not seem like much, but each week we make an effort to connect with one another over pizza and Netflix.
We also have to be diligent about the time we spend together at night after the kids go to sleep.
Between the two of us, we have Barry’s full-time job, Humorous Homemaking, Young Living, and also Barry’s Etsy shop. This means we are both still working after we put the kids to bed. Because we both enjoy our work, we give each other an hour or two to finish up a few things for the night. Our cut-off time for work is 9pm and then we grab a snack and curl up on the couch to watch a TV show. Yes…TV.
This may be controversial…but I’m here to tell you TV is not the devil.
I work my tail off all day so I do not feel guilty at all about spending an hour every night sitting on the couch watching TV and eating chocolate chips with Barry. TV is a way for me to unwind, relax, and cuddle with Barry. That’s our time together. And as cliche as it sounds, we cherish it!
I’d like to tell you that are masters of marriage because of some course we took or a book we read, but that’s not the case. We are not experts!!! But we do work together to learn more about each other through every situation we face. I hear spouses say things like, “I’m glad my husband is gone all day – I don’t think I could handle if he was home!” That’s sad, and not a good sign, y’all. Marriage is hard work, that’s for sure, but your spouse should be someone you enjoy spending time with!
The years when Barry was getting his Master’s degree was a particularly hard season for us. It was really not an easy few years for us as a married couple. But we figured out a way and got through it. Because marriage is worth fighting for.
If I did not have Barry, I do not know how I would make it some days.
One of the things I love most about Barry is how he knows how to speak truth to me. He listens. He takes the time to hear my heart, let me vent and to talk me down in my times of frustration. I do not want Barry to FIX my problems – I just want to vent. But then, other times, it is Barry who’s had the long day or needs help processing through things by telling me all about it. It’s hard to see your spouse hurting or angry. We want to fix it and make it all better…or make it all go away. It took Barry and me quite a few years to get to the point where we both realize we just need to listen and not try to fix each other’s problems!
Making time for your spouse and your marriage isn’t an easy thing.
But taking the time to listen and be there for your spouse is not something you will ever regret. Maybe trashy pizza night isn’t your thing – but you can find something that will work for you and your spouse. There is a way for you to grow closer that works for your current stage and season in life. You can’t make an awesome relationship out of thin air. Making time for your marriage means being intentional about finding time in your schedule to get together with your spouse. And don’t underestimate how beneficial even just an hour with the love of the your life can be to your marriage.
How do you make time for your spouse?