Without a doubt, that’s the question I receive the MOST often: “But Stacy…what do you do with your kids when you are ____?” (cleaning the house, making the food, folding laundry, etc.). Working with kids at home isn’t the easiest thing, but it IS possible.
For the first time in my parenting career, I had help this summer. Our family friend, Lillee, came over to watch the kids for a few hours each week (Mother’s Helper type) so I could work on my two online businesses. It has been wonderful to have that help working with kids. For 10 years I didn’t have that help.
So what did I do?
It was crazy important to Barry and me, when we started having kids, to make sure they would be fine without us. We didn’t want to raise them to be DEPENDENT on us for their every need. We wanted them to be able to play if we weren’t available. That might seem cold and harsh – but for us, it made the most sense.
I never want to have to rely on having someone with me to feel comfortable or content. Sure, I love having my peeps with me – but I am also okay if I am alone. Working with kids present is something that we needed to figure out, and it is important if you want to be able to get work done while they’re around at your home too.
Start Working with Kids Around Now!
We started at a very young age with all our kids. As we worked, they were WITH US but we weren’t always focused on them. As wee bits, they would play on a blanket beside me while I worked or. We were together, but I was working. When Barry is doing a task that’s safe and reasonably quiet, it is common that he has one (or more) of the kids in his shop with him. Start NOW with your kids, no matter how young or old they are.
Ours have been taught independent play by using things like dress-up clothing, blocks, magnets, books, and art items. “Here are your markers and paper. Sit here at the table and draw. Mommy is going to go back to the counter and make rolls.”
Babies? I held them on my lap while I worked and they played with toys. When they were old enough to sit up, they would sit beside me and play with blocks or other baby toys. Now that they are all old enough, they help me with certain things in the kitchen – and they have their own chores to do.
In the mornings, the kids don’t come out of their rooms before 7:45 unless they need to use the bathroom. Otherwise, they play quietly or read. We used a quiet morning basket to train them a bit, and now they don’t even need that.
Was this whole training process easy? Is anything easy with kids? NO. But was it worth the effort? Yes. Now at age 10, Annie can occupy herself all day with her crafts, books, and babies, if she needs to. She also loves to play with others – because we instilled a healthy balance in her.
I see her other siblings following suit. They can play together – they can play with me – but they can also play alone.
Still Learning
Now, that doesn’t mean I’ve got this whole thing figured out. Going out to run errands, for instance, is a totally different thing than being at home. They outnumber us…and they’re mobile (and fast)! I still take every chance I can to go to the grocery store sans kiddos or do grocery pickup (an amazing invention!).
But consider this: taking them out in public will give you a bunch of amazing stories of things they did that will make you laugh (after the fact) for years to come!
Always remember, you are training your kids. “Train up a child in the way they should go.” You can’t train them to need you forever. Eventually they need to fly the coop – and when they do, you still need to have purpose, vision, and passion. It’s good for your kids to see you have a drive to do other things – it teaches them to have vision of their own.
Mama, parenting is HARD. It just is.
But, it’s also worth it.
If you want some additional info on this topic, a while back I wrote a Q&A on being a work at home mom that might be of help. Check it out!
This is so helpful! My MIL (who raised 13 kids) told me that she felt like the first 4 years of a child’s life are especially formative to their character. So even though it’s challenging to consistently teach and guide and correct them, it will pay off in the long run! 🙂
We raised 6 kids in our youth, now we are helping to raise 3 grandchildren ages 3, 4 and 5!
It is much harder at my age now and also dealing with parental separation, parental anger issues,
setting up a schedule, cooking again(!) and turning off the TV.
After pretty much a 55/45 share schedule per week, we have them for at least the next month.
Very different…..
When my husband and I trained our children we were in agreement most of the time.
Working with our son is more difficult and often adds a layer of exhaustion to the day.
Believing God is in control, full of mercy and love toward us, we pray and try and love on those grands of ours that need so much love and stability after being put in a position of uncertainty and grief.
And this reminder of what I used to do with my littles is helping this Missy (my grandma name) remember what used to work for me. Thanks Stacy!
By the way, I used to take all six kids (I had them in 8 years) to only stores with carts!. One cart for the kids and one for the groceries!
You’re a rock star!
I cannot like this enough! I get asked what I did with my kids when they were babies, and I need to get errands and grocery shopping done as a single mom. Um, take them with me. I try my best not to sound condescending when I say this, but it is a no-brainer for me. I do not understand being told that ABC’s kids do not behave in a grocery store and in the same breath be told they never take them because of it. They do not learn to behave when they are not taken and expected to behave. I promise that you will only have to leave a basket of groceries once or twice to take a screaming kid home or to the car for an adjustment before they learn to sit still in a basket and behave themselves.
Amen. The only way kids learn to behave in public is to take them out in public. You tell them what you expect from them in the store before you go in and then hold them to it. Kids do well with boundaries and they want to know the rules. It isn’t fun to discipline kids but when you start young you reap the rewards when they’re older. Kids don’t automatically know how to behave that is why we are to train them.
I don’t think people will think it’s condescending. I think people are hungry for truth. 🙂
Thank you, my friend! I try to be so careful because I can come across as condescending, and I have to work at being compassionate. I terrible thing to admit, but there it is.
I think any parent who is naturally compassionate is a superhero. It is HARD to be a parent, so embrace the struggle and know we’re all in this together!