This week, I want to spend some time discussing a question that has shown up in my inbox a few times recently. Especially after I received one email from a reader who was recently laid off TWICE in the past year and considering this idea, I thought it might be a good time to revisit the topic of how to be a Stay at Home Mom. Our friend Erin wrote about being a STAY AT HOME MOM, Stacy has written about it for other sites, and I’ve even covered how I feel as a husband of a STAY AT HOME MOM via video, but today’s post is specifically for those who want to know whether or not they CAN and SHOULD be a STAY AT HOME MOM. Let’s look at the top 10 questions I believe every couple should agree on before making this BIG decision (in no particular order) and hopefully that will get the discussion flowing in the comments. Here goes:
1. Do the math:
INCOME – SAVINGS – EXPENSES = 0. On one income, can you make that work? If not, what can change and when? Don’t leap too soon.
2. Do you both agree?
If he says no and you say yes, that is a big problem.
3. How are your budgeting skills?
Every bill you pay and ongoing expense you have means you have to earn more to cover those expenses. Simple as that is, many people don’t see it that way until it is pointed out. You need to be good at budgeting your income and making it work, even if it means “cutting some of the fat” as we like to say in the south.
4. What does God want?
If He wants it to happen, there will be a way. Don’t do something foolish and then blame it on God if it goes wrong, but trust His provision if you know He’s telling you to do it.
5. Who influences your child at daycare/school?
I don’t want to point out the obvious here, but there are those at daycare who are less than a positive influence on your little one(s). You’re spending a lot of money to send them there – is it money well spent?
6. Can/should Mommy work at home?
If going the whole nine yards of being a STAY AT HOME MOM isn’t a realistic option, could you do something at home to earn income that would suit your family’s needs? If so, is that a permanent or temporary solution? Make a plan.
7. Can you deal with social pressure?
In a “normal” home these days, all the adults work, all the kids go to daycare or school, and any family that doesn’t follow that model is a little weird. I still have people look at me funny when I praise my wife for staying at home, especially before we had kids. We joke she eats bon-bons and watches soap operas all day, but in reality I know she just sits on the computer and shops on Amazon. ;0)
8. Will you enjoy it?
Some women report they are not programmed to stay at home. They like the idea of it, but in reality they need social interaction with adults, challenges that a career brings, and all that other stuff your two-year-old likely won’t provide. Everyone isn’t supposed to be Susie Homemaker.
9. Why do you want to do it?
Really? Make a list, be ready to defend your position and make sure that the reasons you’re considering staying at home aren’t things like, “I hate my job” or “it will be easy” (HA!).
10. What are you waiting for?
If you’re considering the decision, what got you to this point? Why did you not stay at home to begin with? This question is just something to consider – I think it sort of wraps up all the questions #1-9 into a nice, neat little package.
As a husband, I am glad my beautiful bride and I chose to live on one income. I’ve been blessed to literally double my salary since we got married ten years ago and that’s still not saying we make a lot of money. However, I have no regrets that Stacy stays at home as a wife and mom…and I bet if you asked Annie and Andy, they wouldn’t either.
Is the choice right for you?
You know, I’m not sure. If you’re an official business, you’ll have to keep your tail covered. I’m sure there is a ton of information online to help you! 🙂
🙂
At least we’re all honest around here about how easy it is to be a SAHM. If only I could stay at home and eat bon-bons and take naps every day, like all those SAHMs out there. ;0)
Thanks for your comment. Like most things in life, families just have to decide on their priorities. If Stacy worked, we’d drive nicer cars and live in a bigger, fancier house (maybe). I’m good with how we are now. 🙂
Great questions! I think a lot of people think they could never survive on one income but then they have a lot of extra expenses (pricey phones, car leases, larger homes) that “require” them to both work. Unfortunately, it’s unpopular to be frugal and forgo these things in our society. (Although it seems like your readers are unusually frugal!)
I have been blessed to be a SAHM and a WAHM since my oldest was born 13 years ago. I am so grateful we found ways to make it work for our family. I have a post on finding the time to work from home that might be hepful to some. I hope it’s ok to post it.
My husband will be glad to hear that I am not the only one who spends my days eating bon-bons and watching soap operas (yes, those are the actual words that we use about how I spend my days, LOL).
My husband had gone out a few times for about a month, when I felt he should know how strongly I believed that it was important for me to stay at home with my children some day. We talked about our goals for the future, and also that if I stayed home with my children some day, my spouse and I would probably live in a lower-income neighborhood (which we do), drive older cars (which we do), not be able to fill our home with new furniture, the latest fashions and decorating styles, buy a boat, buy an RV, buy a timeshare (which we haven’t).
Most guys would have gone running the other way, but since we were 26 already, living in an area where most of our peers had 6- to 8-year-old children by that age, we both felt that we weren’t interested in just dating for the sake of dating. Thankfully, he didn’t run the other way, screaming! 🙂
Instead, we’ll be celebrating our 19th anniversary this year! What enabled me to easily (well, not always easily) stay at home with our children? We both had a long-term perspective on finances and how to live so I could easily stay at home. When all of our friends and peers were buying nice houses in middle-income neighborhoods (or nicer), we bought a house in a low-income neighborhood, and it was a major fixer-upper although structurally sound. If he lost his job today, we could still make our house payment with some more penny pinching. We are debt-free except for our house, and are setting aside funds to hopefully pay cash when we need to replace our 15-year-old pickup truck. We don’t go on fancy vacations; we dress simply; we eat whole foods (Trim Healthy-style) without a bunch of processed foods. We pay cash for everything. It hasn’t always been easy. If my husband was still at the same position he was at for our first few years of marriage, it would be a financial struggle to have me stay at home. But thankfully, his company has recognized his strengths and has promoted him to a position where it provides for our family of four. Does he make tons of money? No, but it is just enough. The praise goes to the Lord for providing our true needs.
Thanks! Sometimes it takes a master’s degree to deal with the challenges of taking care of a household. ;0)
True, true. I forgot all about texting and Facebook! Sampling bon-bons is really her strong suit…as we all know!
There are LOTS of things you could do from home. A few that immediately come to mind: sell on Etsy, be a virtual assistant (VA), babysit, call center work-at-home employee, etc., etc.
I would love to babysit, but I don’t know how to get started. Would you have any tips? Do I need to have someone come check out the house to see if it’s safe? Do I need to get a license or anything like that?
Thanks for sharing! This is exactly why most SAHMs I know are frugal rock stars – they’ve figured out it is worth it for their family and made one income work. …and you’re right about homemaking. I see Stacy come alive when she gets to work within her strengths as a homemaker.
Hi Stacy!!!
I was laid off almost 2 years ago and still haven’t been able to find a job…hard in my area. Any how…I watch my one grandson fulltime and I would love to find something I can do from home to help ease the financial pressure. Would you by any chance know of anything I could do from hone to earn an income?
Thanks for your time!!!
Sincerely,
Sher
My husband and I decided I would be a stay at home mom before we were married, so we never became accustomed to a lifestyle beyond one income. I love being a stay at home mom! I “earn back” a significant portion of my husband’s paycheck by being able to practice frugal homemaking, plus saving all that money we would have spent on child care, work wardrobe, commuting, convenience foods, etc. but my favorite part is that I really can work to my strengths. Some moms do tons of “field trips” and activities, others are more happy spending family time at home. Some moms are handy with home repairs, others with cooking, others with sewing, others with growing and preserving food…all great ways to save money and contribute to the family budget in a substantial way. If staying at home doesn’t seem to be “your thing”, try looking at your strengths and work with those to benefit your family with your time and efforts. Homemaking is infinitely flexible, and incredibly satisfying.
Great post! Thanks so much for linking to my post! Stacy doesn’t just shop on Amazon…she also texts her friends and chats on Facebook with us. 😉 Actually, I think Stacy is the best sahm EVER. I have learned a lot–and am learning a lot–from her.
The social pressure was the biggest for me. I have a master’s degree and all of my friends and family were pretty critical when I decided to stay home. Especially since I was a housewife for 2 years before I had my youngest. They don’t say much now though since I am great at budgeting, cooking and raising my kids 🙂 Great list!