There are just some things in life that are non-negotiable. They are top priorities and unless the apocalypse occurs, these things won’t take a back seat to other stuff that might come up. Because our family has been struggling lately to find enough time to make everything fit in a 24-hour span, I thought I’d spend a few minutes today sharing some of our family’s non-negotiables. Here are our family priorities (in no particular order):
Family Devotions
Each day, we will spend a little time as a family reflecting on God’s goodness, His holiness and our thankfulness to Him for all He’s done for us. Most days it is formal enough to include scripture, prayer, a song and some discussion. While at this age, Annie doesn’t understand a lot about God, there is a lot she DOES understand – ask her who made the world. Ask her why mommy and daddy are in charge and have to teach her to obey. Ask her what we do at church. She knows. And Andy will learn. Our family time focused on God is precious and something we make time for every day.
Church as a Family
Similar to the one above, we go to church as a family. Unless one of us has the plague, we get up every Sunday morning, put on our nice clothes and make the drive to church. There, we listen, participate and give praise to God. “I don’t want to go” is not an acceptable answer. “I don’t feel like it” isn’t either. We will go to church as a family.
Our Family Rules
A few weeks ago, Stacy shared our family rules with you. Unlike the popular phrase proclaims, “rules are meant to be broken,” we don’t buy that in the Myers household. Rules exist to give us boundaries so we can live more freely INSIDE them. Notice only one of our rules is negative – “no whining or complaining” – the rest are positive. We use rules to help set a clear measuring stick for the way our household operates and living by those rules is a big deal in our home. So if you’re coming over, you’d better be willing to obey.
Playing AND Working Together
Some families are SUPER intense and others are SUPER laid back. Watch the show WifeSwap for proof. We fall somewhere in the middle and we like it that way. We make a diligent effort to play together and to work together. If I’m outside doing yard work, Annie is probably digging along with me and Andy will be joining the ranks soon (slave labor? Nah…good parenting). Dinner at the Myers home – a team effort. Stacy may cook, but Annie sets the table while I make sure Andy is in his seat. Then after we eat, I manage Annie and Andy while Stacy does dishes. We make it happen TOGETHER. When we get the chance to do something fun, you will rarely find one of us there – the whole clan shows up for the fun. We don’t have many “individual” activities – we’re a family!
Mommy and Daddy are in Charge
You’ve met him – the spoiled brat who makes everyone miserable. His parents “just don’t know what to do with him” so all they do is say “whatever you want, honey” and live in constant misery and servitude to the little dictator they’ve created. That ain’t how it works around here. Daddy is the boss in most cases with Mommy pulling a close second. Annie and Andy are not in charge. God didn’t create adolescence for developing leadership skills in children. There’s a reason those little terrorists you see at the mall, screaming just enough to get their way, are the way they are. While we’re learning we have at least one very strong-willed child (jury’s still out on Andy), it just means we get the bigger opportunity to shape her strengths. (…Or at least that’s what I’m going to remind myself when she’s disobeyed for the 30th time in an hour.)
What about you? What are some of the non-negotiables in your house?
I remember using the term “chore training” when talking to a younger single person. She laughed at my choice of words but her being an avid pet owner, I took the opportunity to explain that children are not born as perfect little angels. They need guidance and yes “training” or else they will end up as spoiled brats who can’t do anything or make any decisions on their own.
Great priorities! I am teaching my children that chores are part of being a family. Working together as a family provides children with a place to belong not just a place to get what they want and be serviced.
Everyone gets training – it’s silly for some people to think that children don’t need it. I know that I need it! 🙂
Great post this morning. I think today unfortunately we have many families that have the family dynamic all mixed up. Of course this all stems back to families NOT going to church,studying Gods word etc. The Lord gave us a guide with how we should live. He gave it to us for our own good. When we as a society don’t strive to follow God’s laws we reap what we sow. It is amazing to me that people think the Bible is irrelevant to our lives today as if God is so out of touch. Parents need to take back control and take the reigns and lead their children. Teach them reverence and respect for the Lord. There is a saying that Freedom is one generation from extinction and I agree BUT the same is true for Obedience, respect,reverence,and love.
Preach it!
Life sure has changed in these past “few” years. When I was growing up, I was a bookworm and I wasn’t allowed to read at the dinner table.
I’m a bookworm too!
I know whst you mean about those strong-willed children- I have two already and what I feel will be the third in a few weeks! Our school put on a seminar with Kendra and John Smiley, the are speaker/authors with a focus on parenting the strong willed child- If you have never heard of them, I highly recommend you look them up and read some of their books. They have really helped me to understand why my kids are the way they are : )
Thanks for the recommendation!
This sounds a lot like our home. We would add (being in Colorado where everyone has a million hobbies) that hobbies as a family take priority over individual hobbies. We only have our little ones at home for so long, and we want them to love doing fun things WITH Mom & Dad. Thanks for sharing from the Myers house! 🙂
You’re such a good mom. 🙂
Great post Barry! Thanks for telling it straight – especially about children not being in charge, and why some appear as little terrorists ruling over their parents! I’ve had that discussion with a number of parents!!!
If we do anything, we tell it straight. LOL
A lot of this sounds like us. Though we have been known to stay home from church with the flu (not quite the plague). We almost never go anywhere alone, but as the kids have gotten older that has changed a little. The boys sometimes go to scouts w/ only one of us parents and yesterday both boys were at a scout event without us. That might have been the first time :).
My son was smitten with a girl not long ago and her family invited him over for dinner. He promptly to her that he could not go until he had finished his chores. On that day his chore was to vacuum the downstairs. Her mother responded, laughingly “my daughter doesn’t even know where the vacuum cleaner is in my house”. I laughed a bit and later, when my son had come home from dinner, told he that if she didn’t know how to do chores at 16, she was not the marrying kind! Seriously, how do you not prepare children for life by having them work beside you to keep up the family home? It is often their first encounter into doing chores that they don’t want to do. It is our first opportunity to teach about community and working together for a cimmon goal. Our favorite quote is “cooperation is doing with a smile what you have to do anyway”. And most of the time it ends up being fun too!!
Wow – I hope my kids do something this awesome when they start dating/courting. That’s an awesome story.
Love your list! Of course we have lots of similar priorities in our house, too, but the ONE thing that stands out the most in our house is dinner together…UNINTERRUPTED!!! This has always been a priority in our house and everyone knows the rules…WE DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE (or text) DURING DINNER! When we set this rule years ago we were mostly just talking about the landline phone that notoriously rings at inopportune times, like just when you sit down to dinner and start to take your first bite. Now we have cell phones that not only ring occasionally, but more often “ding” to tell you a new text has arrived…which in my house is about million times each day!! LOL Our oldest dd is now almost 15 and while she loves her cell phone and she LOVES to text, she KNOWS this is a priority in our family and she leaves the phone alone during dinner time. It’s awesome! Dinner with the 6 of us together around the table is definitely a PRIORITY for us and it has proven to be one of the BEST “habits” we have set for our family! 🙂
Great one!
The no phone at dinner is our rule too. And I’m sad to admit I need the most help following this one. My 4 year old is great at reminding me, “mommy no iPhones at the table!!,
Children are excellent for reminding us of the rules…but that’s good, because it means they ARE listening. 🙂