
You know, there is something magical and terrifying that happens when someone comes to life on the internet. Itβs sort of like the thing that happens to Goofy in that old cartoon when he gets behind the wheel and goes from being Mr. Nice Guy to scary person full of road rage. Disney called it βMotor Mania,β but I think in our modern age, the internet persona played by Goofy on the internet could be more aptly referred to as βMoron Mania.β
Think about it β would you ever tell someone, β[your book] should be titled, βDonβt Pick This Upββ in front of a large group of their friends? Would you tell someone, βI canβt believe youβre indoctrinating your children with all that religious hogwashβ in face-to-face conversation? Wellβ¦two of my friends online recently received those comments on their PUBLIC social media feeds. No joke. Stacy and I have had our fair share of haters as well, but Iβve recently realized something. People have come to believe the rules for interacting online are different than when we are talking with someone face-to-face. As a public service to the universe, I thought Iβd give a basic primer on internet etiquette β some simple questions you should ask yourself before interacting with someone on the internet.
We are a society who gets offended about all the wrong things. Our government officials speak bald-faced lies, our teenage girls are wearing outfits that scream, βI donβt value myself as any more than a sex object,β and our televisions and radios spew filthβ¦and we ignore every bit of it. But at the first mention of the phrase βMerry Christmas,β the whole world goes up in arms because we dare to try and make Christmas about Jesus! HOW DARE WE?! Oh, the outrage!
Iβm not sure when this happened, but it seems the universe has decided that anytime there is a keyboard between two people in conversation, all rules of kindness and respect go out the window. Hereβs the problem β in a written/typed conversation, only a small portion of someoneβs message can be delivered. Why? There is no way to convey tone or facial expressions in a written/typed message. If you ever go back and read old letters (you know, the ones on actual paper), it is obvious great care was taken in most cases to be clear in the communication and leave very little to interpretation. Whether this was something taught in school or by moms and dads I donβt know, but it is something that has vanished altogether in modern society. Iβm on a quest to bring it back.
With that in mind, below are five simple questions that can ask as a litmus test for your next online interaction (and hints of the answer you should be aiming for):
- Would you punch someone in the face (or at least want to) for saying to you in person what youβve just typed? Β If yes, hit send only if youβre trying to be a jerk.
- Would you blush if you overheard someone else saying this in public? If yes, hit send only if youβre trying to be a jerk.
- Would you ridicule your children for saying this to you? If yes, hit send only if youβre trying to be a jerk.
- Would your mom and dad wash your mouth out with soap for what youβre about to type? If yes, hit send only if youβre trying to be a jerk.
- Does your statement take the conversation (on whatever topic it may be regarding) in a positive direction?Β This is a biggie!Β I donβt want someone to ever feel that disagreement with my position is unacceptable.Β I LOVE a good debate.Β However, if all youβre trying to do is be a jerk, I have a pretty standard mental response: this person is a troll.Β Disengage.Β Just like Iβm trying to teach our children, you can disagree without being disagreeable.Β
As you can see, youβre aiming for 4 noβs and a yes. Simple as that. Well, I guess with that Iβll turn it over to you. Iβm sure youβve seen this trend on the internet β what are your thoughts? What can we do to bring back politeness into a digital world?
This was great. I try to think about how my typed words will be read and if there is any chance it could be taken wrong I normally re-write it. This happend with my son the other day as we converesed through text. He responded to one of my texts in a very inappropriate way (I am his Momma after all) and when I saw him I was very upset at his dis-respect. What he said was that I was mad and he just fired off a text in reply.
This was a text…it is simply words (and these were not bad words) it can not show me being mad. What he had done was to assume I was angry and read into the “words”. I have been guilty of this in the past as well. I explained to him that I was not mad and said instead of assuming the worst why not assume the best. I spoke the words with annoyance in my voice and then I spoke the same words with a smile (yes it comes through). After he realized the difference and looked at the texted conversation from a different perspective he realized he had “figured I was mad” and read all the words with that frame of mind.
AMEN. What is with this whole “I can’t see you so I can be a jerk” thing??? I’m astounded at what “nice” people will say over the internet!
I do agree with most of your statements. I also believe I should be able to post things that are important to me. If you don’t like it then don’t read it. Simple. These posts are not phone texts which I would think are more like conversations. I would never intentionally hurt anyone. But if I post political thoughts or things I believe in and you find those things offensive…… well we all pic and choose the people we want to be around. I’d rather have two genuine friends who I could be REAL with than 100 phony friends. That being said, keep writing about Debt and the things you know so well and are good at. God Bless. Hope I read you right.
Thank you for this topic. I just went through a bad experience with a long-term friend, and, with her thoughtless and antagonizing comments, which were not even directed at me but was very personal for me, we have broken off a 30 year friendship. I’m sad, I put up with years of bad behavior, but could not tolerate any more. I hope people read your article and realize how upsetting their poor choices can be to others, both friends and family.
Thank you so much for this (much needed) article!! I’m off to share it with EVERYONE because my facebook feed and blog lists have been full of so much depressingly rude stuff lately.
Great Post!
I don’t know. I think people are pretty rude in public / face to face too, now. I have heard some really ugly comments about the religious indoctrination hogwash – especially in regards to the Duggar type fundy believers – particularly from ‘Christian’ friends and aquaintances.
Also, as a cashier I saw a whole other level of ugly – especially working the holidays – holy moly. If I said Merry Christmas I got chewed out. If I said happy holidays I got chewed out, because of course, your opinion or belief is the only one. *eyeroll*
I think it comes with the entitlement mindset that is so prevalent now and maybe, I guess because they are so used to spewing their ugly online that the filter is thinning in real life too? I can nly imagine what the future will bring π
I agree. This kind of rudeness *is* happening in face-to-face groups! It’s awful!
Amen! Well said. My husband always says that we, as a society, have somehow lost common courtesy. These are all true online and he even points out how rude people are on the radio. People do not know how to state their views without yelling, listening, and just deciding when to be quiet. I am often surprised at the passionate position someone can take when just responding to a blog article. Whew!
Good article,, only thing I would add is that there are people on the net now that are paid to create strife and upset the balance of things. It is odd that they are trained briefly and then assigned places to spread their scripted evil, for lack of a better word. Appreciate your blog and look forward to your entries.
Thank you Barry! I come across this all the time. Both in pleasure reading blogs and at work where I respond to online questions and comments directed towards our IT department from company employees. There are some comments that I can’t believe people would think would be appropriate to post. While everyone may have a difference of opinions (whether it be the word Christmas or whether a recipe tastes yummy or the best way to pay down personal debt, whatever thought someone takes the time to share. We can not agree with that person’s OPINION and move on with our life or we can choose to just be hateful and ugly in our response.
I thank you for this PSA on how we should behave online. Just because someone is hiding behind a keyboard does not give you the authority to be disrespectful.