Stacy has stayed at home since before we had children. We made the choice that her time and energy would be best spent taking care of our home and family. We have made sacrifices to do this, but it has been totally worth it.
I don’t make an exorbitant salary; we’re not trust fund babies. We don’t live up to our eyeballs in debt; we don’t live in squalor. We are a relatively normal-looking American family that decided we would be willing to live on a single income so Stacy could stay at home with our children.
Important Disclaimer: Before we get into the details, let me make clear I’m not out to hate on women in the workplace. I’ve worked with and for several women over my years in the workforce. I’m perfectly okay if you decide for your situation and for your family that wife/mom should work. Please don’t hate me for using our example and showing the math. I simply want to encourage those who are considering becoming a one-income household it can be done and point out that mom’s decision to go to work isn’t as simple as looking at the salary she will earn.
Important Disclaimer 2: I will use numbers below. They are simply a guideline based on national averages. Do the math for yourself and BE HONEST in your assessment.
With all that aside, let’s get into the discussion. What is the cost of being a Stay-at-Home Mom?
The Income Side
Let’s take a look first at what income we miss out on. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, the median annual salary for full-time women in the workforce nationwide (2013 is the latest available data) is $36,712 ($3,059 monthly). That’s a lot higher than the average where we live, but for the sake of easy math, let’s go with an average of $3,000/monthly. So…we’re probably giving up the potential for my wife to earn as much as $3,000 per month (more maybe, but probably less where we live, especially to start out).
The Expense Side
To earn that, we’re totally gonna need day care. We have three small kids. One of them is old enough to be in kindergarten at public school only needing after-school care; the other two need all day care. Asking around at my office, it seems most pay roughly $500 per month, per child, for day care. Since Annie would only require after-school care, that’s a lot less. So, let’s say goodbye to $1,200 of Stacy’s monthly pay. She now has $1,800 of income to bring to the table.
Next, she’s going to need a car. Right now, we have my 1997 Ford Ranger which we use to haul stuff and work with. It isn’t beautiful, but it works. Then we have our daily driver, a 2008 Ford Taurus. Hmm…my truck wouldn’t last me too long driving my 80-mile daily round trip so we’d have to buy her a reasonable used car, and then it needs gas and ongoing maintenance that we don’t have to pay for now. Since we wouldn’t buy new, annual cost of ownership wouldn’t be too terrible, but buying a reasonable, used, full-size car and keeping it for at least five years, KBB.com, Edmunds.com and others agree it will cost at least $3,000 per year ($250/month) to buy it, insure it, and keep it road-ready (probably more). That takes us to $1,550.
Then that car’s gonna need gas. Since where we live you have to drive quite a bit to get just about anywhere, we’d better set aside at least $200 a month for that. So Stacy’s down to earning $1,350 per month.
Assuming my beautiful bride doesn’t go to work as a stripper (…and she isn’t…no offense to strippers…I think), she’s gonna need some decent clothes, shoes and accessories. Could we grant $100/month to that cause? We’re down to $1,250.
Now let’s keep in mind she’s gotta eat. Chances are, the days of her cooking all our meals at home and packing my lunches for work would be mostly over (maybe not). But there would definitely have to be more convenience foods. Our grocery budget probably needs to go up by at least $100 per month, and our entertainment budget, which is where we include eating out, probably needs to go up by at least that much as well. Now we’re making $1,050 for Stacy’s efforts.
Oh yeah…our kids need clothes too! While they aren’t dressed in rags at home, I’m sure there would be necessary wardrobe upgrades for the kiddos + required snacks, etc. for all the school and daycare-related activities and so forth. Kid clothes are EXPENSIVE! We’d better put aside at least another $100/month for this stuff, so Stacy’s making $950 now.
Let’s see here – what are we missing? Oh yeah – the government. They want their tax dollars…and they usually don’t take kindly to being told ‘no.’ So, since we have to pay those off our gross earnings, we need to take 15% of her $3,000 per month (as a bare minimum), which is $450. Now she’s making an even $500.
I’m sure I’m leaving out a few other things that we’ll have to deal with, but I think you get the idea. Assuming my wife earns the median income as a full-time employee and I’ve accounted for all the big extra expenses, we’re talking about a $500/month decision for our family. This is how we decided our lifestyle could better fit a single income situation than having both of us take on full-time jobs. We sacrifice $500/month in income for my wife to stay home, take care of our children, homeschool them, cook, clean and do all the other things the hardcore feminist would chastise her for but is our daily norm. …And that’s the way we both like it.
Some Other Thoughts
My wife works a lot harder than I do. I have it EASY in comparison to my wife. Raising kids is extremely hard work, and there are no real breaks. If my wife has a tough day or feels like crap, she can’t call in and get a day off. If she just isn’t “feeling it”…too bad. Being a stay at home mom is probably the hardest job I can think of.
Some women don’t want to stay at home. That is okay! As I said early on, this isn’t about men dominating women or suppressing their rights or insulting their intelligence or anything else like that. This is purely a mathematical discussion. Women are smarter than men. I admit it. If you are called to the workforce, by all means, get out there and kick tail at the office. One of the best supervisors I ever had was a woman (and come to think of it, I’ve had more women supervisors than men). If being a stay at home mom isn’t for you, NO GUILT. Am I clear?
You have to choose. I can’t tell you that staying at home or being in the workforce is the right thing to do. All I can tell you is our experience and what the math tells me about how the choice for mom to go to work (especially when the kids are small) really does to her potential for adding income to the family budget.
Now I leave it to you:
- If you’re a stay at home mom – why did you choose this path?
- If you’re a working mom – why did you choose this path?
- If you’re a husband – should your wife work outside the home? Why/why not?
I am following with your article here and I want to be clear that I am all for stay at home moms as well as go somewhere to work moms. There is one thing in particular that I feel is missing from here though that I’d really like to know and wish you would add. The costs of home schooling. If we are going factor in the costs of daycare for a go to work mom (which of course we should) then we need to know the numbers and facts about homeschooling costs also! I have heard in some districts public schools basically pay the cost of homeschooling but in other places they do not. So could you possibly add some cost analysis to that? This is currently the situation I am in, having to make a choice about if it is worth the time from my kids and all the money I will pay out or if it would be better to stay home. So articles like this are REALLY helpful to me and I’m hoping for more info! 🙂 <3
Hi there. I didn’t include anything about homeschooling on this post because of two things: 1) we are still pretty early on in our homeschool adventure so I don’t fully know the costs. 2) You said (and I agree) the costs are all over the board depending on where you live, what curriculum you use (or don’t), etc. I don’t know how fairly lay out the costs of homeschooling as a factor of being a stay at home mom. Sorry I can’t give you a better answer, but I firmly believe that homeschool can be virtually without cost for those who need it to be, even if your school district doesn’t support it. We get most of our optional materials from the library or similar and only end up paying for the curriculum we use.
We homeschooled for 3 years before putting our 2 oldest children in public school this year. When homeschooling we roughly allotted $500 per child per year, plus approximately $250 on supplies and zoo and/or museum memberships, which supplemented their education. This estimate is for buying a used curriculum set made by a poplular homeschool company. If you buy new, it could be much more, and if you use other online resources for curriculum, it could be much less.
For 2 children, homeschooling for us was $1250/ year on average. While that seems like quite a lot, when compared to the cost of daycare or private school, it’s truly a bargain.
Now let’s consider the cost of public school. This being our first year I was shocked at the price tag for a “free” education. (That being said, I do believe that every dollar spent on education of any kind is money well spent). First, there are supplies. For two children to get ready for the first day of school, we spent $180. Then there were school tshirts, lunch accounts and PTA memberships, which came to another $160. And let’s not forget that they need clothes are a little nicer than the ones they wear around the house all day! We only bought a few new items for each child and new tennis shoes for a total of $300. In addition to these first day of school costs, the kids get sent home every week with a supply request, major fundraiser request, book order, club due and many more requests for $10-$20 here and there that I’ve lost track. We don’t send money for everything or buy everything the school sends an order for, but I recently mentioned to my husband that even with our modest support of the school we aren’t going to save any money at all by not homeschooling! (Thankfully we are not sending the kids to public school to save money!)
Anyway, I know that all my figures are estimates, but from what I’ve seen in the first 9 weeks of school, I am sure it is absolutely possible to spend as much out-of-pocket money on a great homeschool education as public school.
Also, I am so grateful for this article as I was recently offered a job (which seemed so amazing considering I’ve been out of the workforce almost 10 years) and it’s been quite a struggle because I really would love a change of pace. But it is a big consideration that I’d be giving up many of the things I can do for my family currently for a pretty small payout.
We just started using Easy Peasy homeschool curriculum and it’s FREE! 🙂
WOW I really like this article! I too am basically a SAHM but I have cleaned houses all along to help w/ income. After our 1st child was born 20 years ago (bday this week) my MIL watched him 1 day a week so I could still continue to clean the 1 house, then our 2nd child was born 18 years ago & only worked 1/2 day every other week, then after our 3rd was born 15 years ago a quit altogether for a couple of years. My dear hubby for almost 25 years 🙂 is a dairy farmer so he helped his mom then he watched our youngest until he started to school while I have worked 1-2 days a week. We opted to public school & its been a good choice for our family. I have house cleaned, substituted, volunteered, helped others, helped at church,etc & it has been such a blessing. The only reason I have did any work outside the home is because the hubby salary has been really low sometimes (dairy farmer) now his salary is about 32,000 a year. We have paid all our insurance, taxes, buying a house, supported /raised 3 children on this plus what little I have made. Yes it can be done & it has NEVER been worth it for me to get a “real job”. The benefits of being home w/ our children as far outwayed me working full time. Now if a mom or dad wants to work I see nothing wrong w/ it , this has just worked for our family 🙂 We have a garden, chickens, our own meat & I can & freeze. I hope & pray I dont get a bunch of negative feedback for this post because I truly feel that its not the same for every family & every family is different. Blessings to all
Thanks for sharing your story. Knowing others have been there and made it work is encouraging to all of us!
I’m a healthworker and worked full time for the longest time, when my oldest was in middle school and my youngest was in elementary I quit full time work but made myself available to cover once or twice a mo. for people on vacation, then 3 years later we had another child…. we can live on a single income but it’s tight, 3 months ago my husband and I prayerfully decided we should maintain my license in case something ever happened to him and so now I work 2 days a week and I’m home the rest of the time, it’s enabled us to afford music lessons, some vacations and eating out but even working 2 days a week I still question myself and ask the kids if they ever feel neglected to which they say no…. next school year I might cut back to one day a week as a balance just to maintain my license and still focus on my family… I earn 700 a day so the net after taxes and the cost of working we still come out ahead….i am teaching my girls that even if they want to stay at home on the future, I want them to have a skill to be able to come alongside the family’s needs in the event of an emergency
The bottomline I think is the motive of our hearts, ours is to desire to honor Christ, then attend to our family… The Proverbs 31 woman was resourceful and prioritized her family…I could be wrong but my husband, children and I are in agreement to me working part-time
This is kind of old, but I was re-reading it and just thought of a rather big expense you missed: diapers. A lot of daycares won’t allow you to use cloth diapers when you are using their services. Many of them also have a “change every hour” policy for babies under 1, which adds up to a lot of diapers each week. So that would be another expense.
You’re correct! We did forget that! And change every hour?! Holy cow!
I read this post and the comments and felt compelled to comment. I’m probably not your target demographic as a non-Christian feminist, but really appreciated the tone and grace that was displayed in this post.
At the moment I am at home with my 6 month old, but have a teaching position lined up for when she is 10 months old. We have no choice at the moment. My (now) husband happened to return to the US after working overseas in the middle of the recession and the only work available was in retail, which, while it is honest work, doesn’t pay a lot. He has worked hard to get into the graduate programme of his choice, with an assistantship and stipend, but realistically my income is the main income. The goal is to get him to a place where I will have the option to stay home if we think it is best for us, likely in about 5 years. The biggest one for us is daycare. We can’t afford to put more than one child in daycare, so if we have a #2, the gap will be fairly large, because my income needs to have increased enough to pay for care.
Thanks for chiming in, Lily. It’s always great to get different perspectives. We have a 6 month old too – aren’t they a joy?!
I am a stay at home mom who works sometimes from home and sometimes opposite my husband’s schedule to help out financially. We couldn’t make it on two full time jobs in our fields with two kids, so as my youngest is almost 2, I will be at home for a few more years. I liked your sensible break down here,but one statement rubbed me the wrong way. I consider myself to be a very strong feminist and I think you have the definition of that word wrong. Being a feminist really means that you think women should have all of the same rights, advantages, and say so as men. From what I have seen in reading this blog, II’d say that both you and Stacy are feminists. Anyone who empowers women to make their own decisions in life is a feminist.
Hey AmberLynn, I do believe women should have the same rights, advantages and say so (publicly) as men. That said, the word “feminist” is defined so many different ways that I’d hesitate to put myself in that camp. So, instead of the label I’ll just stick to my beliefs and actions and let other people judge if I’m a feminist or not – they’ll do it anyway no matter what I call myself. Ha! 🙂
Hi, Barry. Old article, but I’d like to point out that being a feminist means exactly what you wrote in your first sentence. (Look at the Wikipedia entry.) It’s interesting that you have a slightly negative perception of the word and think that it would contradict allowing your wife to have the choice of being a stay-at-home mom. I’d just like to second AmberLynn and say that if you support equal rights for women, it’s okay to have the courage to call yourself a feminist. Your literate audience will appreciate it, and you can moderate the detractors.
I enjoyed this article. I had always thought I would be a stay at home mommy but this hasn’t been a possibility for our family. My job is the stable one. My husband makes great money, when he works a lot of hours. We never know from week to week how much he will work. So for that reason I have stayed at work. Also, I am a teacher with summers off and lots of vacation days throughout the year. I find that I have the best of both worlds. I get lots of time with my kids but I also contribute financially. I also am the only one with a good insurance option so that’s worth a lot. Our daycare is only $720/month for 2 kids and it is a wonderful program! I definitely would rethink things if daycare was so expensive. The unique thing about our family is that my husband is from Venezuela and we travel to visit his family quite a bit. This is an enormous expense but one that we make a priority. If I didn’t work it would be selfish because we could never afford to go. So its not such a simple math equation for us. I wish life was more simple and that I could stay home but we’re trying to make the most out of our situation!:) I’m glad your family has found a way to make it work! God bless!
My mom worked at school when I was there- it’s a great job when you have kids. 🙂 She would leave when we left in the morning and get home when we did…it was great! 🙂
My mom was/is a teacher. It was wonderful! I never really felt like I had a “working mom,” because she was always home when I was. I imagine it’s kind of hard for you right now because you want to be home with them, but take it from a teacher’s kid–they will only remember what happens later, when you’re always there when they need you. 🙂
I am a SAHM and we had this same discussion and sit down about our budget before we had our 1st child. We also starting living on 1 income and saved my paycheck before we “had” to. It is so important to be on the same page as your spouse in these major life choices! Great post for the people who don’t think they can stay at home, but want to.
Yes – you MUST be on the same page.
I had a full-time job when we got pregnant with our first. My husband watched our son part time while attending school full time. I got a year and a half to be a stay-at-home mom while he was in flight school for the Army, but then when that ended, we moved with no house and no jobs, and we both scrambled to find work. I got a job first, so he went back to school in hopes of finishing his degree.
Two years later, with three kids, I have a nice job with a lot of security that uses my degree and helps me support the family while my husband finishes school. We burned through a lot of savings the past few years, and with my employer’s pension plans and retirement plans, we are planning to have me continue working even after he graduates and starts working so we can start building our savings back and buy some acreage. I love being a mom, and I can’t wait to have more (God-willing)… and I am beyond thankful for the blessings we’ve had and the ability I have to provide for my family as we need.
Thanks for sharing your story, Vanessa (and for reading this post before I made it public to the world and ensuring I wasn’t bashing those who stay at home OR those who work outside the home).
Instead of titling it “The Cost of Being a Stay at Home Mom,” I do wish it was titled “The Cost of Being a Stay at Home Parent.” My husband is a SAHD, and it was his dream for YEARS to do that. He adores children and is the best dad I have ever met. I like to think I’m a great mom, but I not only LOVE to work, but I also have higher earning potential than my husband. I love my children (one 23 month old and one due any day) and I love spending time with them and if money were no object and we could all stay home together, that would be amazing, but one of us has to work and I love it. I just wanted to share that, to me, it doesn’t matter who is staying home – mom or dad, so long as both parents feel they are doing what they love and truly excel at it. My husband cooks, cleans, plays with our girl all day, is potty training her, will be homeschooling her, and teaches her loads of stuff (the chores this girl does is amazing – laundry, dishes, dusting, vacuuming, cooking – she’s a little worker and LOVES doing it). Any parent who can make it work to stay home is blessed and enjoying the good life! My hubby works way harder than I do, but I know he loves every minute of it and wouldn’t trade doing it for anything.
Excellent points, Jess. SAHD is a concept becoming more and more common and it sounds like you’ve made it work well for your family. Thanks for sharing your experience!
I am a working mom who also homeschools and my kids stay at home. My husband works evenings and I work mainly weekends so that we are able to work this out.
I enjoy my job, and made some smart choices as a teen with good investments in my education at that time. Now, 25 years later, I still have young kids, the youngest is 2, but I have choices and the ability to control my work time. I can set my own hours. Yes, they are outside of the home, but they also keep us essentially debt-free. We do still have a mortage that is quickly diminishing, and last year met our out of pocket max with health insurance due to an acute injury.
I appreciate that I have choices in life, and that my ability to work keeps us where we believe we need to be.
And as always, I appreciate and respect your views and how you say them.
Thanks, kb. I’ve gotten a few comments from families that have figured out how mom and dad can work alternating schedules or alternative work arrangements to allow more time at home. I think the discussion around this post has been helpful for many and your comments add to that. Thank you!
Definitely agree with a lot of what you’ve said here. It’s worth noting that this math works both ways. My job pays about three times what my husband’s did, so when our daughter was born we chose to have him stay home with her. We estimated it would cost us about about $700 a month to have him work outside the home, so it was a no-brainer for us. There are downsides to having Mom work outside the home instead of being the stay-at-home parent (don’t get me started on the dismal state of maternity leave in our country or on how many hours I spent attached to a pump so our baby could be breastfed) but that was the logical choice for us given the math. We definitely had to trim our budget a lot to make it work, but I’m so glad we did. I felt more comfortable at work knowing that if I couldn’t be with my daughter, her dad was there with her; he bonded with her in a way he wouldn’t have been able to if he’d been working; and our daughter benefited from being at home with someone who loves her, not just someone who’s paid to take care of her.
Alicia, the last three comments have all been similar to yours – the idea of stay-at-home dads is becoming more and more popular. Our system is geared toward making it difficult for ANY parent to stay at home, so thanks for adding your experience on how mom and/or dad can be an option to make it work.
Loved reading this. I thought you were very fair and level and it’s ‘good’ to leave out the emotion and religion aspects.
When I was first pregnant I had a job I loved and also – unfortunately this country is just so, so poor in the way it treats mothers with maternity leave. Because I was new to the job (under a year) I had no FMLA and no short-term disability. I was required to use a week of paid vacation time and then I took 6 weeks off unpaid. At that time I had to put my 7-week old baby in daycare and return to work – after a c-section! But I did love my job and we did need the money and I needed the adult interaction. Plus the leave timing is SO strict that I was to return the Wednesday before Thanksgiving – I had to use another vacation day to avoid that and return the following Monday!
Then things slowly changed at work – we got a new manager who treated me poorly but thankfully I was transferred to a new department rather than let go. However I was so bored and then became pregnant again. We knew that this was it. We did the math and like you point out – I would barely be bringing anything home after daycare costs. And then on top of it it’d be the whole stress of only having evenings (family time!) to do laundry and dishes and cook and clean. So it was a no-brainer for us. I quit after my FMLA and that’s been it. I thankfully now work from home for 25 hours/month and it is just enough to help our income but still give the kids the attention they crave. It hasn’t been all sunshine and roses, but we knew it was the right things for this season.
Thanks for sharing your story, Helen!
Hi Barry, this was a great explanation of the numbers side of making it work on a single income! We decided that I would stay home when our second child was born. My salary would’ve been paying for daycare which would’ve been about 1900 per month for two! In my heart I never got comfy leaving my little guy with someone else. God opened the door and now with 3 littles at home and while homeschooling we couldn’t be more blessed! I actually have a Master’s degree and would probably earn more than my hubby but we chose to make it work on his salary which is about 34,000/year. God continues to provide and confirm we made the right choice! It is so worth the sacrifice! My prayer is for more moms to stay home and train and disciple their kids for the glory of God!
Blessings,
Tiffany Good
Thanks for posting this…you’ve articulated so well exactly why we do what we do. jI posted a link on my blog 🙂 Thanks Barry and Stacy!
I was a stay at home mom for most of our kids lives. We have two children, one of which was profoundly disabled. We also homeschooled so that was where our commitment was. Now we are empty nesters and I am a housewife, or as we joke a “domestic goddess”. There are several reasons for this decision but the main one is just as you have said in your article. I would be able to get low paying jobs that after expenses wouldn’t allow me to contribute that much. I do work. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, finding the best deals so we can keep within the budget, mow, garden, take out the trash. Anything I can do to make my husbands load lighter since he works hard. Staying home was the right decision for us.
I am currently a SAHM. I worked outside of the home while we had our first 5 children and both got our Master degrees. We still cooked our own food, we commuted to work together (so only had one car for many years) and it worked financially and in all other ways. And then it didn’t any more. We prayed about it for a while and then I gave my resignation. My job had no chance of a promotion, so it made more sense. About a week after I gave my notice, we discovered we were expecting our sixth child, which confirmed our decision.
That was about 18 months ago. It has not always been an easy transition, but we are now really enjoying our new reality. I started homeschooling our two oldest this year (their transition last year from private school to public school did not go well). Working outside the home was right for a time for our family and being a SAHM is right for this time. Only God knows what the future holds.
One area you didn’t mention which became a much bigger expense when I quit working was health insurance. I had truly incredible health insurance at my job and our budget for medical expenses has increased significantly more than we foresaw. It was also the reason I kept working when we had our first two children because at that time my husband was at a job that did not offer health insurance.
Thanks for sharing this. Health insurance is probably THE deciding factor for most when it comes to working or staying home. I have decent (not great) insurance where I work but our medical expenses even with it have gone up pretty heavily in the time since I began working (and not due to our health, but simply due to the evolution of insurance in our country).
Great post! Good points and a solid explanation of why it’s a good idea, at least monetarily, to consider staying at home with your kids.
I grew up at the beginning of the “feminist” movement where we were told that we could have it all – full time job, great relationships, “quality” time with our kids, and a clean house to boot. Well, you can have it all, but something is going to have to take a back seat and somewhere along the line you may have to sacrifice something. I worked part-time when my oldest was young, but had to go back to work full-time when we decided to buy a house and later as a single mom I didn’t have a choice. Looking back (my eldest is now 36), I wish I had been able to stay home as a full time mom, especially when our youngest was little. Happy to say, my grandson has his mama home full time and my daughter-in-law plans to go back to work maybe part time when he is in school full time. That said, my other daughter-in-law works full time at a career she loves, but has good support from friends and family. But I see how exhausted she is frequently and wonder if she might have done better to spend more time at home with her youngest daughter.
We decided for me to stay home for basically the same reason. My earning potential is in the low $40,000 range at the moment (although I’m going back to school to significantly raise it), but daycare expenses here are a LOT higher. We’re talking around $1500/month for babies, and at least $1000/month for older children. And now that we’ve moved into the suburbs, we’d need another car, too. It just doesn’t make any financial sense.
An important thing to remember is that everything has its own season, and that is true for raising children, also. I raised 6 kids (the youngest is now 30 years old) and although it was hard to believe when people told me that they would be grown before I knew it, it is so true. Place your priorities according to the season you are in, and know that the seasons will change.
VERY WELL PUT, Mary.
Your idealism makes me a little mad. The area where we live is extremely expensive and salaries low. We bought the lowest priced house that wasn’t in the ghetto. It is a 2/1. With both working, we barely make ends meet. I look and look for a higher paying job, but sometimes I wonder if we can make the math to afford any kids. Yes, that is the choice some have to make. (I know frown judges). A lot of times, this logical math of the debt free one income family is based on the one income being an engineer, lawyer, or doctor’s or living in an extremely affordable area or some other leg up. What about when the one job is a secretary? And yes, sometimes, it is the woman that has more earning potential. We need to have a lot more grace for our difficult times and the various choices people make to make things work. I still remember the time I bought my first condo as a single woman, and was told by the debt free gurus about how I was supposed to afford it on some ridiculously small portion of my salary. It was 432 sq. ft. and muchly unupdated from the 70’s. There was no way that math was working. Unless I was buying in an unsafe part of town or facing a long commute, I am not sure how much less home I could bought that would have met their standards. It was tight at first but all worked out. I got a raise, a husband, and we sold it for a profit many years later. At any rate, things are not so easy nowadays, and we need to have grace and not be judgemental.
Hey kc, these are all points I can see and won’t argue against. I don’t believe my math shows me to be an idealist and I wholeheartedly understand cost of living varies wildly. Apparently my disclaimers in the article weren’t enough, so thank you for adding your thoughts on the issue.
I will repeat for all to see: I do not want to place judgment on those who choose a two-income household – I simply want to explain the math of that choice. If you’ll notice I never mentioned the earnings of the other spouse. Whether he/she earns minimum wage or six figures wasn’t the point.
I stayed at home and raised all four of our children. There’s an even greater “cost” you didn’t mention and that is the cost of having someone else raise your kids. We wanted a loving parent to be with our children at all times, to show love and attention, to discipline lovingly, and to supplement/correct the very basic (and sometimes inappropriate) teaching that happens in public schools. The cost of having someone else raise your kids is that your children miss out on the quality of love, care, and instruction they would receive at home. As for finances, we could always make ends meet with my husband’s salary. However, I often had a few side hobbies that earned a little extra (occasional babysitting, bookkeeping, a sign business, etc.). That little extra gave me an outlet and some vacation money. And I considered it one of my job descriptions to find ways to save money in our monthly budget. I got pretty good at it, actually. I do think that no one will take care of your children like you will. So if you CAN stay at home, I highly recommend it!
Tamara, this is a point well received. I began to venture down the “unseen costs” road, but chose not to so the focus could remain on the math instead of the potential emotion that may come from those who feel guilty for going to work (or guilty for staying home). All that said, I completely agree – raising a family is much better done by Mom and Dad who can be present to train and discipline.
First of all I don’t judge and it’s such a personal decision. However when I held my baby for the first time 14 years ago I knew I couldn’t leave her with anyone else. She is starting high school this fall and our time together has gone by so fast. I’ve been there for everything and I have no regrets. A favorite saying that I like is “money can be earned but when time is spent it’s gone forever” So true..
Thank you for sharing. I am a stay at home mom. My mom was also a stay at home mom. There was a time where my mom did have to get a job. She worked for a few years. But by that time my bother and I where in school. After that time my mom went back to being a stay at home mom. My brother and I have along since moved out, and my mom is still a stay at home mom. I have four kids, the youngest two I homeschool. Our second oldest goes to school, she goes because she is hard of hearing and we wanted for to be able to be in both hearing and deaf world. There have been a few time where I did work part time outside the house. They have been time where money was tight but we would not change me being at home with our kids. My husband and I didn’t want someone else to bring up or kids. I have had family at different times tell me I should put our kids in school so I could go back to work. I tell them no. I am happy being home with my kids and teaching them my self.
This looks like a pretty fair, I would say even modest assessment of expenses. Now that my kids are older/nearly grown, we feel that we save a ton on convenience foods by my being home and cooking nearly all of our meals from scratch, even using many organic and healthy ingredients. I know that I would spend a ton on clothes if I was in the workplace. There are countless other ways that we save or simply do not spend because I am available to run errands for my husband and keep our affairs in order.
We made this decision close to 22 years ago when I was expecting my first baby. It wasn’t hard because we both wanted to raise our children ourselves without daycare and babysitters, however, my husband’s salary is very modest and we were worried, but felt that God would take care and he always has, miraculously on many occasions.
I have been asked by younger women about how we make it work financially without two incomes. I tell them that if they are not in God’s will, whether they work outside the home or not, it’s not going to “work.”
My husband loves it when I say: “It’s my husband’s job to bring home the money and it’s MY job to keep it from going out the door.” My husband is sooooooooo supportive of me and respects me and sends me emails from work about what a great job I’m doing. Found myself an awesome guy!(Okay, God Did!!!) And I never planned to be a SAHM. My mother was a single, working mother and I was raised that you go to college and you get a job and I always planned to work outside the home but then the midwife said, “It’s a Girl!!!!” 🙂 The rest is history. My oldest is 19. My youngest is 6 and I’m amazingly blessed!!!!
I LOVE that quote. I may have to steal it. 😉
Hi Barry,
I really enjoyed this very logical and refreshing explanation of the value of a stay at home mom vs a working outside the home mom. I stayed at home – by choice, despite how much we could have benefited with a second income. Although I understand not everyone can do it, I personally find the value a stay at home mom contributes into the lives of the children to be so much more than money can buy! Kudos to you and Stacy for making this work so well!
Linda
Also, if you have many little ones (four or more) it may COST you to go to work. My friend with four, at the time of calculation, said it would cost them $1100 CDN dollars a month for her to work full time. So if you have or desire more children (which the |Bible says are a blessing so this is a fine desire) you may not be able to afford to work outside the home unless you have an already established well paying career. Although if you enjoy having a little team of littles you are likely happy with career motherhood 😉
Excellent point. If we continue to have children, costs definitely don’t decrease!
LOVE this post. Not to start a war, but the Bible indicates women should stay home and take care of the children and home. If you are a single mom, I feel sorry for you and know you have no choice. But in a society where women’s liberation is the cause of women having to return to work, I say “Fight the system!” and figure out a way to make more stay-at-home Moms. If you read Sarah Titus’ column, she will help show you how you can be a stay-at-home Mom while being single. You just need to find ways to lower expenses (which both your blog and hers show), forget society’s norms about which new I-pad/pod/X-box you need and persevere. My husband and I have no children at home (we are retired) and both live on Social Security alone. We have a pretty good life and manage to save money each month, help both our families monthly with money or dental/medical bills and still eat out a couple of times a month. We drive a 12-year-old car (which we have some money set aside to trade in for a newer model ((Subaru)) – that’s all we drive due to the inclement weather where we live), still pay on our home – which we are hoping to sell and downgrade to a smaller home this summer – and are debt-free otherwise. It CAN be done. It just requires a lot of planning and a deep desire on your part. Thanks for this excellent post, Barry!
Thanks for your excellent point and recommendations, Cate. I wanted to make sure the focus remained on the math of the choice, not the Biblical or emotional aspect. Why? Because while our guidebook may be God’s Word, there are LOTS of readers of this blog who aren’t believers. So…I didn’t go down that road.
Barry:
I found no place I could comment to you without being noticed, so I will do it here. I was NOT judgmental as the first person commented to me and I am sure you will read my rebuttal and delete it. My husband read her comment and said she was the judgmental one, not I. Anyway, I am proud of my faith and DON’T CARE if non-Christians know, read or like it. I answer to God, not people. As to how you think I was being “emotional”, I am sorry if that came across in my reply. I just finished three years of cancer-hell and have never felt more close to God than I do now. I was just making comments trying to help women who are single, showing them there is a website where this girl, Sarah Titus, lives on $18,000 a year while raising two small children. She, too, is a Christian. I thought I would be “safe” commenting on a Christian-based website. Perhaps I was wrong. I will unsubscribe from what I previously felt to be a great blog.
Enjoy your life!
Cate, I’m sincerely sorry if you interpreted my reply as anything other than in support of your feedback. Stacy and I are Christians and anyone showing up to read something here should expect to see that shine through. As I was researching for this specific article, most articles similar to this were very condemning and one-sided. While I wholeheartedly support stay-at-home moms, I wanted to offer the explanation as to why via pure reason and math because the non-Christian who reads this article and gets condemned immediately now has another reason to stay a non-Christian. And that’s not what I want…
I don’t think I have read a more judgmental comment than Cate’s. Perhaps she missed the part in Scipture where grace is mentioned. As a single mom raising two teenagers, who budgets monthly, and who plans every expense I can, it seems that less condemnation is in order, especially from one who does not appear to know what a single parent in today’s world faces. Thank you Barry for refocusing the thread,for the article, and for all of your help and support in keeping my finances on track.
I’M being judgmental? I am a Christian who is proud of my faith. My sister is a SINGLE, STAY-AT-HOME Mom. She has come upon unbelievable issues in this WORLD SHE FACES every single day. I am well aware of single parent issues in this world. BUT, my mother, brother and I help her out financially when/if she runs short and are happy to do so. She, too, is a Christian who has managed to scrimp, save and still work out of her home with a 13-year-old and a 15-year-old (teenagers, like you have). All I was stating is it can be done. There was nothing JUDGMENTAL about my comment. My husband, after hearing your comment, said YOU are the judgmental one, not me.
Cate, I don’t believe Lori’s comment was appropriate, and now I’m having to say the same thing about yours. Anyone is welcome to disagree on this blog, but we expect it to be done in a respectful and loving manner, not out of anger or judgment.
Lori – I worked hard writing this article to keep the focus on the math and our own experience rather than be a judgment of any family that has chosen for mom to work…or make any other reasonable choice based on family circumstances. Cate, as well as numerous others, have voiced their opinions, which we welcome and encourage. I don’t believe Cate was offering a condemnation, although I may be wrong. However, it is important the goal of our discussion be to move things in a positive direction rather than bashing each other. Please keep this in mind. Anyone is welcome to offer an opinion in opposition of another, but please do so in the right spirit.
Ten years ago when my husband and I got married I heard the stat that the average working mom took home $400 a month (Canadian stat in CDN dollars). I had a single mom co-worker who confirmed that. I am an artsy girl myself so we (and I always thought this way) decided I would do best to stay at home but sell creative stuff on the side as I could. This keeps my brain sane, along with the academics I get to indulge in as a homeschool mom, while doing what I value which is being there for my kids at home. As I work on my business more I could see a mom easily making $500 a month with an at home business to help her stay at home.
Thanks for making this point. This website is something that was born out of Stacy’s desire to share ways to live frugally. We refused to attempt to make money off of it for over a year after we started it. That was an excellent choice because it helped us make sure the readers were first priority, not the advertisers. God has blessed that choice as well, because now this site actually makes a reasonable amount of income for us. I say that because it is important for those who stay at home to recognize that being at home doesn’t mean you can’t have a creative outlet and it might even be a profitable one!
I’ve done a hodge-podge of all of the above. After my first child, I went back to work but couldn’t stand being away from her, so I quit my full-time job. The way you did it is much better, having the appropriate discussions and decision-making before the kids come. I’ve never had the full support of my husband, even though I outlined your very argument to him (how much I’d really be bringing in) in 1988. I’ve always had some sort of part-time job to contribute to our income, such as waitressing, babysitting, retail, teaching adjunct classes at our local community college. And always while calling myself a stay-at-home mom, and then a homeschooling mom. It has been difficult, but I wouldn’t miss my time with my children for anything. I have three grown children in their twenties and a young son still at home, homeschooled, age 10. I now have a very decent paying job that I can do from home and/or take him to work with me. We’ve played financial ‘catch-up’ all during our marriage and are not debt-free, but I’m still happy with my choice to stay with the children.
$100/month for your kids to have clothes IF your wife works? What do they wear now? $100 additional on groceries IF she goes to work? Does she starve now? Yes, I can understand your statement saying that you may be eating out more…but you won’t NEED to. I also disagree that owning a used car actually costs that much to maintain and insure, but maybe you’re looking at purchasing an older used car. I actually argue the fact that buying a brand new vehicle is often cheaper than a used car off warranty. Quite often there are zero percent lease and finance rates, plus warranty. Newer vehicles are also less expensive to insure. At least in my part of the world.
I believe the point Barry is making on the car is that they prefer to remain debt-free and not have car payments so even 0% interest isn’t a deal-maker for them. I agree with you about new vs used though and even though we do have a payment, we got a great deal, feel safe in it, and yes, it is debt. We are working on that so our next car won’t have payments (not for many years, hopefully!) but it takes a lot of cash up front to afford new over used.
Hi Barry! I enjoyed your article. I too struggled with the income-expense continuum associated with having small kids. I had three kids while in my 20’s and I’m now 40, and I am currently a full time employee.
An aspect I didn’t consider, at the time my kids were young, was the future investment. My work paid my licensure expenses, continuing education courses, and the five remaining classes to achieve a doctorate degree. Now I make 25,000 per year more on the salary step scale (from years experience), have a great family health care plan, and I’m on track for full retirement by 57. I didn’t consider these items much as a twenty-something, but with teenagers driving and approaching college, I am very grateful for this income I have built through the years of experience. At 25, I made $40,000 and it was hard to see the worth as much. All I saw was bring home money, daycare costs and bottles of breast milk.
Further, because I had part time employment in 2008, when my husband lost his employment during the recession, I was able to quickly pick up my hours to full time equivalency and make up the deficit. This is a nice caveat to a two income household.
Another (hard to measure) item is the invaluable life experience the years of employment have provided. As a pediatric physical therapist working with children birth to three, the 16 years of employment have improved my clinical skills and ability to help families exponentially. I can’t measure the impact of my clinical skill improvements on patient care, but I know it’s there and ten years from now, I will be even better. Better skills impacting others is an effect present in every job: dentists, daycare providers, accountants, teachers and it directly effects and assists others beyond dollar signs and life is about “the whole”.
Every person is different in their family resources and needs, but I hope people can also future-cast hard to predict items beyond the present ledger. Thanks again for a great blog!
Thanks for adding your thoughts, Kathleen. Excellent points!
I am a working mom by need. I’m a single mommy who works full time. I know it’s expensive to work, but I don’t think a SAH mommy is God’s will for me. I made some terrible decisions in wanting to get married so young and knowing he was not right for me. Long story short, I have 2 amazing blessings in my young men and I am thankful for my job. I sometimes wish I could stay home and other times I am so relieved to go to work just to sit for eight hours. I work much harder at home than I do at work, just don’t tell my boss. ?
I hope you received my article as intended – NO GUILT for working mommies. I wanted to point out the math only. In your case, you don’t have the option, and I applaud you for working hard to provide for your “2 amazing blessings” and making it work for your household.
Great post! We’ve also learned that there’s a convenience cost as well as financial cost to working. For example, a working parent doesn’t need to take a day off from work when kids are sick, and the stay-at-home parent can work on household issues during the day versus having to deal with them after a long day of work. Caling insurance companies, paying bills, grocery shopping, etc, those can all be done during the day and don’t have to take up precious family night and weekend time.
Yes. Every single one of these is the reason why I stayed home with our kids, plus I didn’t really like the people I worked for.
Although, the government’s take is closer to 30%.
I actually snickered a little at your comment. Yes, the government likes “our” money, don’t they?
Hi Barry. I work now, but stayed home with our kids until our youngest started school. Being a teacher, we never had to rely on daycare-which was our goal. Yes, I am thankful I had both the opportunity to work and stay home. That said, you have made the best decision for the Myers’ household and we made the best decision for ours-I admire yours and Stacy’s determination to make it work for you!
Barry,
16 years ago, my husband and I went through these same expense questions and decided that it made more sense for us, if I stayed at home. (Which is where I wanted to be!) Now with a 16 & 17 year old, we really see the pay off with the great kids we have raised. Staying at home was much more than economics for us. More about who would be raising our kids and influencing who they would become. Being at home allowed me to have consistent training and discipline with the kids. It allowed me to spend lots of time with them, nurture and love them all day long. It allowed me to get house chores finished early so that when dad came home we had family time–all pays off to less chaos in the home. ( The kids learned a lot about how to clean, cook, etc.. and helped so we could do the fun stuff of the day.)
We also put out a huge garden, which we all work in and then I can and freeze to cut down on food budget, while also providing us with organic and less chemical laced foods to eat. I start our garden plants and all my flowers from seeds in our sun room, which helps make the garden even cheaper for us to plant.
We made good use of the library for books and DVDs and shopped at garage sales and thrift stores for clothes.
We also managed to go on a small vacation nearly every year and 2 major 2 week vacations one to Yellowstone and last year to Maine.
I was also able to go on school field trips, help in classrooms and be involved in fundraising for the school. Now that the kids are older, I am able to help care for aging parents. Seems like there is always something to do and people to help.
Hope this helps some other parents in making this decision. One last very important comment–make sure both mom and dad are in agreement with this decision. That is the key for it to be a success for the family.
Excellent story, Mary. Thanks for sharing your experience. It CAN work (and usually works very well) to have a stay-at-home mom to focus on her family.
Our family did a combination. We only have one child. I stayed home the first 5 years, and prayed fervently for God to provide something that could work for us thereafter. And boy did he! I have a part time position working 5 hours in the early morning. It’s federal so the benefits more than make up for the shorter hours. So hubby gets the morning shift of breakfast, packing lunch & dropoff. Then i am home mid morning to handle the household, appointments after school stuff. My child isn’t without a parent. There are detractors though, my bed time is the same as the child, but we think it’s reasonable in this season of life. Its not always easy but I remain thankful for answered prayers.
That sounds like an excellent way to make things work for your family.
I am a stay-at-home Mom and we have been raising six kids and homeschooling them. All my children are adopted and four of them have special needs. I use to work full time and did until my oldest daughter was 5. We would only get to see her a couple hours a day and that is if she didn’t fall asleep in the car on the way home from daycare. She was having trouble in school so we decided to homeschool her and I worked at home part-time doing transcription work bringing in about $1500 to $2000 a month.. We thought why adopt children if we weren’t going to raise them ourselves? We then added two more boys and our sons had special needs. I could no longer continue working and taking care of them and all their doctor appointments. I was burned out. We eventually completed our family and added a sibling group of three children who had such a traumatic past that the oldest has severe problems. My husband became a real estate broker and works out of the back office attached to the garage. I help out doing assistant work. He is able to schedule his appointments to help with taking care of kids, their school work, and sometimes attends the doctor/therapist appointments. We also limit the activities our kids are involved in and so we are down to soccer, boy scouts and girl scouts. My husband also coaches our kids’ soccer teams (at one time there was four) and is an assistant scout master. We volunteer for the soccer league.We have to carefully schedule it to have everything covered. We are a team. We really have to watch our spending because sometimes we don’t get a commission check for months. We cook most everything from scratch and do not live beyond our means. We drive two used vehicles, a Suburban and a pick-up truck to get everything done. We bought a foreclosed home 11 years ago and believe it or not, we got it off of E-Bay. It is a five bedroom house with 3 1/2 baths and a pool and a beautiful park-like back yard. If it was fixed up, we would more than double what we paid for it. We aren’t in a rush as my little darlings would just tear it up anyway so it is a “kid-friendly” house. Thankfully, our children are older now (20 to 11 years old) so they help out with a lot of the chores around here. We aren’t rich but we certainly have been blessed. Our life style works for us and we are not influenced by other people or are jealous. We are able to take off whenever we want and take field trips, etc. We take advantage of the free days/times at our local attractions. We heartily believe that the reason I was unable to have children was so that God could put these children in our lives. We did not actively seek them out and yet they kept “showing” up. We feel we honor these gifts by giving them a good life, not necessarily a material life. I have been home full time now for 11 years and do not regret it. Sometimes when we are tight on money, I think I should go back in the work force but God always provides. We get a real estate deal closed or a check comes in the mail. Just yesterday, we got a $786 check from the mortgage company for escrow overage. This will pay for my husband and two younger sons to go to summer camp with their boy scout troop. Is our life easy? No, it is often stressful and overwhelming but just think how hard it would be if we were both working out of the house? I am too tired to even think about it, LOL!
A great story! Thanks for proving it can be done.
My husband is the one who stays home but the economics are very similar. He cooks a little less but probably fixes more things like the dryer. I like cooking so that’s ok. The car expense is huge. Our second car lasts forever.
Hi Barry, thanks so much for this post highlighting the value of a Stay-At-Home Parent! I really enjoy this blog, and I’m grateful to you and Stacy for your posts. I just want to add that the math works both ways, and Stay-At-Home Dads can add the same benefits to their families when Mom works outside the home. It’s a little unfair to women (and men) when we suggest that the only one who can be a stay-at-home parent is the woman!
Hey Vincent, good point. While it traditionally is the woman who stays at home, it doesn’t always have to be. The math and the points still work the same, so hopefully those men considering the “stay at home” part will look at this too.
We also have a stay-at-home dad in our house. While I would love to be the one to stay home, my career has better hours and better benefits than his. Financially, it was a no-brainer for me to work and him to do the daddy daycare thing.
I agree with your overall point, though. Raising our kids is worth far more than a double income. Our culture makes us think we “need” a lot of nonsense that isn’t important. What we truly need is to be present in the lives of our children.
First of all, I absolutely love you two. I think you’re great and Stacy is absolutely hilarious…I would love to have a cup of coffee with her! I work full-time and have for almost 24 years. (We had our daughter late in life.) I struggle *every* day with being away from her – especially now. I am in the Army and I’m deployed, so I’ve been away from her since June. It is the equivalent of getting your heart stomped on every single day. So, as a woman, I think you’re kidding yourself if you say it’s an easy decision to get in that car and drive away from your babies. The women I really feel for are the single moms out there. I frankly do not know how they do it.
I need to say, though, that I get tremendous satisfaction from running things at my job and discussing what I’m working on with my husband. I also think my time in the service will be a source of pride for my daughter later. That said, unless the Army offers me the job I really want next, I will retire – because ultimately I want to spend this part of our daughter’s life spent teaching and looking after her – not farming her out for someone else to raise. Being her full-time, stay-at-home mama is what my heart is telling me to do. I’m fortunate that I am not a single mom, and I can make that choice.
The bottom line is: You can’t have it all (Read Ann Marie Slaughter’s article in The Atlantic for more – titled “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All”) and, in the end, it is an intensely personal decision.
Thanks for a great post.
Thank you for your service. You (and countless others) are an example of sacrifice and diligence for more than simple profit. I think you’re right that your daughter will be proud to know her mom was in the Army.
Great article! These are the things we took Into consideration when we were thinking about doing the same. I stayed home for a few years and now work part time from home. And it definitely is a hard job – that pays in hugs 🙂
That’s a much better paycheck than most people receive. 😉
I love this so much! I taught for 9 years and had a master’suite degree. By the time the money was paid to all the extra expenses, I only brought home around $500. We actually save more now with me being home. I don’t see myself going back to the work force. I rather work from home and be with my babies.
I was a stay at home mom for about 7 years roughly, with the exception of a couple part time jobs here and there. I love having time with my kids, but I couldn’t stand being at home. I’m not the type of person that is personally content being home. I’m not downing anyone that is, but for me I was constantly bored. We chose not to homeschool. First because our local elementary school is wonderful and neither I nor my children have the personality for it. They love going to school and having that time away to be with their friends, and I loved it too. Does this make me a bad mother? I don’t know, but it is truth. I’m not afraid to say I hated it. I don’t regret it because I love that I was here for my kids when they needed me most and it gave me the opportunity to finish my degree and get a job that I love….teaching. I know that alone is weird, I love teaching other people’s kids, but not my own. I feel so much more fulfilled now that I’m working full time again. I have about the sme amount of time I had before since we weren’t homeschooling anyway and we doubled our monthly income. Stress has been removed that we lived with for so long. We’re finally starting to see real progress on our debts and home improvements. Our expenses haven’t changed, with the exception of $160 in gas a month, but for the pay off its been worth it. Even if I was to have another child, I wouldn’t stay at home again. I still get plenty of time off including the whole summer.
Hey Amanda. Thanks for your honesty about this. NO, you’re not a bad mother for choosing to work and send your kids to school. It is truly a CHOICE and one every family has to make. I just wanted to point out the math (in most cases) for that choice. It seems a teacher is a fantastic work choice for those who want to be home with the kids but also want to work full time, as the schedules overlap really well.
I chose to be a stay at home Mom many years ago, I do not receive any money from the gov. now that I am retired. I did not put in enough hours at a job “they said” to receive any benefits. I was a single Mom most of my children’s growing up and worked odd jobs. I do not regret a single moment and would do it again.
I am a stay at home mom.
I was a stay at home from the beginning of being pregnant because I was not one of those women who could have a job up until birth. The finances were always tight but we weren’t going without anything. I am married and my husband has always worked. My son is now 3 1/2 and it wasn’t until last July that I started feeling the pressure to apply for a job from family members and even my husband. So I started working at a daycare which allowed me to take my son there. I was only being paid 8 dollars an hour keep this in mind. But I had to pay for him to be there.
My son hated being there…I hated being away from my son (even if in the same building) and my husband hated to see what it was doing to us both.
So we sat down and figured out the numbers ourselves with our budget and if it was worth it for me to work or not.
turns out it is NOT worth it in our situation. My husband does not want me to get a job again and now I get to stay home and homeschool my son. I’m extremely happy to be back where I was and to do what I love doing the most.
Plus my son is happy and gain and that’s what matters the most. 🙂
I’m glad you were able to work this through. It sounds like everyone wins!
I stayed home and we live comfortably enough on $3100 a month. We’ve made it on as little as $1600 a month with a family of three. I make a little extra on the side babysitting part time and doing some sewing/alterations. Yes it is tougher some days, but this is my dream job. I do have other dreams that will still be there should I desire to pursue after the kids are gone.
I did the math too. If I returned to work after maternity leave I was going to clear less than $2.50/hour. I felt at that rate, it was worth resolving to live more simply and not pay someone else to care for our child all day. Therefore I felt it was my job to make our budget work. My husband works hard and I am very grateful and respectful of that. Being frugal is part of my job and I see it as an interesting challenge.
One of the books that helped me be a full-time mom was The Tightwad Gazette. She too approached frugality as her job and I found that inspirational even if I wasn’t as extreme in application. I also was inspired by my grandmother who lived her whole life on a farm. She was a very thrifty and resourceful person. Many of the “green” ways of doing things, she did out of necessity. Love that.
The pit-fall or mis-step I made though was not returning to the work-force sooner. The longer you step out, the harder it is to get back in. Once the kids are grown it’s time to pay for colleges (?) and pack away the retirement nest egg. Save save save all along, but also take advantage of earning capacity while you can. Waiting 18-20 years is too long. You are pretty much back at entry-level jobs.
My husband and I chose for me to stay home and the Lord confirmed it by telling me to quit my job before we had our boys (11 & 15). We have discussed me working again but are currently helping to care for my husband’s 83 year old mother. Each time one of our boys talks about what others have or get to do we tell them that we can have those things too but I have to work. They always say no thank you. They want mom around and available for them. Our newest vehicle is 18 years old and we haven’t had a vacation in about 6 years. We have some medical debt and a little in savings. We are so blessed to be married nearly 26 years.
Perfect timing… I actually came here looking for Stacy’s post about how the blog makes money, and this was right there in front. We’re gearing up for the transition for me to become a stay-at-home or work-at-home mom now. I’ve missed the first 10 years of my kids’ lives as I worked way too many hours, with a long commute. I was the primary breadwinner, but luckily we’re plugging away at our debt and can almost make it work on my hubby’s salary… I’ll still have to find some sort of part time work to make ends meet until my blog takes off, but I’ve got six more months to go and at least it’s a start.
Hey Donna, if we can help you get things going with the blog, feel free to shoot either one of us a note. Since people ask regularly how we make it all work, we made a resources page that may be of help: http://www.stacymakescents.com/resources
I did check out the resources page… Thanks!
I haven’t made time to really get into it yet (there’s a lot that hit my family all at once), but I’m really looking forward to it. That page looks like a fantastic start. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with the newbies. 😉
Just amazing at how much money convenance costs!
We agree. My husband and I met when we were 26 & 36. We both had pretty good ideas of what we wanted in a spouse. Because we were older when we met neither of us were really into the “dating for fun” thing—we both were looking for a spouse, so from the beginning we had some pretty interesting discussions about the future. I remember specifically discussing child discipline on our 3rd date.
From the beginning I told him I didn’t care what our lifestyle looked like—I wanted to stay at home. When we met he had already owned his house for 6+ years so he was already paying the mortgage, the utilities, and everything else on one income so he knew he could do it with a wife and kids.
It was a non-negotiable for us, too.
In October, 2013 I was approached about working from home 10-15 hours a week for a marketing company as a social media writer. At the time we had one in 1st grade in public school and another in preschool 3 mornings a week. I figured I had that time so I agreed to do it. Well . . . even though it was from home it became too much and I quit in March, 2014. My boss wouldn’t take no for an answer and I agreed to stay on, but only work about half as much. Eventually I decided that the small amount I was bringing home wasn’t worth it and I quit for good in November, 2014. Honestly, I would’ve quit MUCH sooner, but my supervisor is one of my closest friends and she would’ve been left in the lurch so I stayed for her.
It turns out my husband never wanted me to do it, but he didn’t want to tell me “no” since he knew I was excited about it and he was THRILLED when I made the decision to quit. I’m so thankful I had his support no matter what and that I’m once again “just” a mom 😀
The funny thing is, even with both of our kids in public school 8:45-3:15 every day I don’t have as much “free time” as one would think to do anything but take care of the house and our family (I’m very involved at the school and am there all the time so I know what’s up, who’s who, what’s being taught, etc.)
Thanks for sharing how you make it work in your family. 🙂