I received a question last week from someone wanting a Biblical response to the concept of lending money. Since I have made Romans 13:8 (“Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another…” (NIV)) a bit of a mantra for my counsel on personal finance, it is only fitting that this question would eventually come up. If I’m telling you to avoid borrowing money as much as possible, then what is my stance on lending money if you are a Christian? I thought this was an excellent question, and it is one I truly wrestle with because I know people are going to borrow money. I also know borrowing money in most cases is not a sin. Having put that out there, what does the Bible say about lending people money?
First, let’s get a couple of foundational things out of the way. Biblically, a lender becomes master of someone who borrows from them. This is pretty clear from Proverbs 22:7. Someone who borrows money is figuratively picking up the chains of debt and the lender is not responsible for their choice to do so (generally speaking). Having said that, the Bible speaks a LOT about those who are in debt and that they should free themselves from it (see Psalm 37:21, 1 Corinthians 7:23). The Bible is also pretty clear that co-signing for someone to borrow is a bad plan because co-signing generally means the person wanting to borrow money can’t handle the weight of those chains, even under pretty decent circumstances (see Proverbs 6, Proverbs 11:15, Proverbs 17:18, etc.). But let’s say someone who is an excellent candidate for a loan (is that an oxymoron?) approaches you and asks to borrow $10,000. What is your Biblical response, assuming you have the $10,000 to lend?
Simply put, the Bible teaches us to give generously (see Matthew 5:42, Psalm 112:5, Psalm 37:21, etc.). Why then, do I (and maybe you) wrestle with this topic? Two reasons:
- Luke 6:34-38 (and other verses) teach that if I lend money, I should do so without the expectation of getting it back. In fact, there are lots of verses about forgiving debt, some of which I’ve referenced above. Unfortunately, this concept doesn’t make sense to me! If I lend you money and you promise to pay it back, then why the heck shouldn’t I expect you to pay it back!?! I wish I had a good answer for that one. Luke 6:34 specifically says, “And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full” (NIV). Does this make me a bad person to expect repayment of money someone borrows from me? Maybe those of you out there with a closer walk with Jesus can help me out on that one.
- I don’t want any slaves. Even though I am from the south and have lived here my entire life, I am not cool with the concept of slavery. I have no desire to own slaves and the Civil War (or for those of you who have a memorial to Jefferson Davis in your living room, “The War of Northern Aggression”) pretty much decided slavery isn’t a copacetic idea for our culture. I agree. I don’t want to help you into bondage by co-signing and I surely don’t want you in bondage to me. If you decide to take on debt, that is your decision and none of my business. However, if you come to me and ask to borrow money, I really struggle with this idea. Again, maybe those of you out there with a closer walk with Jesus can help me with this.
That leaves me with the Biblical response of generosity. Many of the verses I’ve shared either directly or indirectly promote the idea of being generous in all dealings. Proverbs 11:24-25 says that, “It is possible to give freely and become more wealthy, but those who are stingy will lose everything. The generous prosper and are satisfied; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.” My responsibility as a Christian is not necessarily to lend money but instead to be generous and merciful. This doesn’t mean everyone who asks me to borrow money will get me to fork over some cash, but it does mean that I can always remember that the Bible is a story centered around God’s generosity, mercy and forgiveness of the biggest debt of all. When I took on all the debt sin could possibly give me, Jesus came along and took care of it.
Hello I need help. I’ve been giving someone money since I do have extra. And now I can’t even afford to help with the expenses and I’m having problem with my job. It seems like weekly she’s asking me for some and today I have less than $10 in my pocket. I don’t know what to say. Should I keep on helping? I feel like they depend on me but I don’t even have a stable job.
This is a tough situation, but I believe there is a clear answer based on what you wrote. You do not help someone else until your NEEDS are met. This is true with money, with health, and even with first aid in a medical crisis! If you have extra funds after meeting your NEEDS and WANT to help others instead of saving, investing, or spending that money on yourself, go for it. But if you’re struggling to meet your own needs and someone else is expecting you to care for them, they need to look elsewhere unless you have a duty to care for them (young child or similar).
Hello, I am having a situation right now. I started helping a ministry abroad in a country that has difficult situations. Initially the money was to help the ministry and at the same time I started developing a friendship with the pastor and his wife. After a while they started asking me for more and more money for personal needs (doctor appts, debts, etc) . This year an immediate family member of mine has been diagnosed with an illness and I need to support my family more than before. This fellow christians keep texting me asking for money almost weekly or bi weekly, yesterday they asked me $200.00 as a loan, and I don’t feel comfortable letting them borrow that money, because at one point I feel manipulated. Technically I have that money, but at the same time I have my own debts and my family does as well, but o feel guilty if I don’t let them borrow that money
This is a tough situation, but consider this: there are thousands (maybe millions) of worthy causes to which you could commit your money, but which of those is most important? Look at 1 Timothy 5:8 as you think through what to do, and then ask God for guidance. As a reminder to us ALL: it is not your responsibility to fund every ministry and cause that comes along. We are called to be generous, but we are not called to give to every cause.
Thank you so much for your reply, that verse and your advise helped me a lot. God bless u
I am a Christian and I too wonder about the concept of lending without expecting it to be returned. Dies that mean I should never say no to anyone..to always lend money without expecting the person to ever pay me back. Can’t I say sorry I can’t lend u this time
The guilt feeling lies in me cos I HV it n don’t want to give…but I realise the person takes me for granted
I don’t HAVE TO give money to anyone/everyone who asks. To quote part of my last paragraph, “My responsibility as a Christian is not necessarily to lend money but instead to be generous and merciful. This doesn’t mean everyone who asks me to borrow money will get me to fork over some cash, but it does mean that I can always remember that the Bible is a story centered around God’s generosity, mercy and forgiveness of the biggest debt of all.”
I get to choose with whom I’m generous with my money and with whom I am not. I answer to God for how I use what He gives me.
I believe giving without the expectation of getting it back means that if the person gives it back, then fine. If they don’t then we should be fine with that too. If the borrower does keep his word and pays back, the lender should feel free to take back the repayment.
Notice the verse doesn’t say don’t lend but give instead. So we lend with the attitude that we may never get it back. But if we do get it back, we can either take it or tell the other person to keep it.
Thanks Mimi – I appreciate your thoughts.
— Julie, HH Team
I just read a comment on here “The dissapointment (sic) and frustration of feeling like your own family member has stolen from you is too much to bare”. Some of you people really have issues. We have to understand firstly that it all belongs to God. As it says in the article, the Bible teaches us to give generously. We are the salt and the light of the world, right? It’s simple.
I came on here trying to figure out a way to give to my friends and relatives in a way that would allow me to help them without draining my bank account and causing tension on myself and my immediate family. I’ve been going into the negative recently. I’m thinking I just need to budget a certain amount each month to giving.
A budget for giving is GREAT!
I wrote comment in box below , so to give you more info- my son is 46yr quadriplegic(for 5 yrs)the caregiver had been trained & briefed on him & trained well. I feel torn on is it right to sue if you are coned into borrowing the miney?call if you need more my # 901-219-5246…..please help… Searching my Bible I cannot find an answer.($640.00)-“that is a lot of money to me!!”
I loaned my sons caregiver B/c she staged and elaborate scheme to get me to pay her salary she promised he did not pay her I had her sign a promise Note promiseing to reimburse me -if and when she were paid ,after finding out it was an elaborate scheme filled with much talk from her about God and doing the right things. Do I sue her?
I attend church with some friends that have been really nice. I borrowed $20 for some medicine and paid it back within the week I said I would. I love with very limited income. I have found a business venture that will financially help me to become more stable. I don’t drink or do drugs. I invested all I could spare in the company and needed like $600 more to get everything I needed to start turning a decent income. I went tonight to ask my friends to loan me the money and I told them that I would pay them back as I could. They told me that they can’t loan me the money because the bible says do not loan and do not co- sign for money or loans. I’ve searched and searched for that in the bible and have not found it yet. Other than the $20 I borrowed and paid back I’ve never asked them for anything! My husband has borrowed a few times and all was paid back as promised. I just don’t understand why it’s a big deal. It’s not like they don’t have it. They admitted they had it but God tells them not to help others! Why would God tell them not to help someone who’s trying to secure a long term income? I’m beyond hurt and confused!
Amanda, I’m so sorry that you feel hurt right now. The Bible does speak very specifically about being in debt and about loaning money to others. I’ll put some of those verses below so that you can study them. But know that they likely have your best interest at heart – because borrowing money puts relationships into a very fragile state – and maybe they don’t want that for your friendship.
Romans 13:8
Proverbs 11:15
Proverbs 17:18
They mentioned that at the beginning of the conversation,but continually told me the Bible condemns loaning money. They loaned me $20 for medicine and as soon as I got paid,3 days later,the $20 was given back. My husband has borrowed way more than I have over and over,and he’s paid it all back too! The wife made it a point to say that there’s no question of trust for my husband,but never said anything to me or about me. I’ve never really talked much to them about money or finances. I’ve never been on their property except being invited by them. I’ve never borrowed or taken anything from their home or property. So not sure where them pointing out he was more than trustworthy! Not sure what the statement was even made for by the wife of this man. It was a hurtful statement to make in front of me. I’m just not sure why this has to be this way. I agreed to pay them back as soon as I got paid and the money was to start a home based business. But I also already have an income. So it wasn’t like they were handing me money to sink off into something with no back up plan. I do have income! I just needed $750 to match what I had in the business so that I would have all that I needed to get started. But I guess I’ll figure it out somewhere.
I understand that you feel hurt. I’m sorry that you’re going through this – but even looking at it from this side, maybe you can see how much the money is affecting your relationship with them. Now imagine that the money DID exchange hands and something happened and you weren’t able to pay it back. Can you see how that would damage the relationship even further?
Oh I absolutely can. With that being said,it should have been done fairly across the board. If they can loan my husband $400 several times and it is paid back and hasn’t affected our relationship then I’m not grasping why they can loan to my husband but not myself…if that makes any sense at all. I guess if things can come up and things agreed upon can go awry then it should have been considered when my husband borrowed and they loaned.. no questions asked. I had to sit through an hour of 21 questions…
Amanda, again I’m so sorry you’re hurt – but maybe take this as a way to be super determined and find that money yourself – sell something. Do some side work. Babysit. I bet you could get it quickly with a change of mindset! 🙂
I even went as far as talking to the company and getting a lower cost package to jump start with for $395. And they still wouldn’t loan it. I’m not sure why I feel so unfairly done. Normally things like this don’t bother me,but this does. They are supposed to be “our” friends not just his!
I became a financial partner with a christian music ministry who promised he would pay me back the money plus 10 percent. The agreement was he was to pay me back on a monthly basis. 4 months into it is have received 2 checks. I want to honor God with my response to this but my heart tells me I was a fool for doing this now.
The Bible is very clear about lending money. Maybe you should let it go and consider it a gift.
If been struggling with the feelings around lending money to my friend.
Today was the first time I said I couldn’t lend any more money because I need it myself.
As of today I will know if my friendship is a true friendship or Best benefits friendship.
My friend is Christian too and well If lent the money out of my credit card account. That may be stupid but my friend really needed it at the time and I was promised to be paid back.
Unfortunately my friend never paid me back, so I wanted to make an payback agreement. This ended into an angry friend that was now telling me I didn’t understand the situation.
If lended my friend hundreds of dollars every month at one point I couldn’t even eat myself, something my friend doesn’t know btw.
People here can call me crazy and I should just give up this friendship, but this friendship goes deeper then I can ever explain. It’s like God wants us to learn something from this.
I don’t expect that I will get the money back, frankly I don’t care about that anymore. I hold on to faith that it will be paid back in another form. It’s in God’s hands and it will be his judgement call if me or my friend handled in the right way.
What hurts me the most is the part that it was promised more than once.
What hurts me is that the money has been used for unnecessary things while it was needed for something completely different.
Maybe I will lose this friendship for I’m fighting for it alone, who knows.
The only thing I know for sure is that if always hated money and maybe I hate it even more now.
Hi, I’d like to ask….what about if I have lent the person so many times and she haven’t paid them, in fact, I didn’t even charge interest, and I have decided that if she will not pay me at all, then I will just forget about her debts. Then again she wants to borrow for her son’s tuition…she has a job, her husband has a job…right now, I do not answer her text messages…but is she comes to my house, then I will give her a much smaller amount. But I have told her I can’t let her loan, and now I am ignoring her texts…is that a sin?
This is a really tough situation you’re in, and I’m sorry you’re there. It seems like this person has decided you are an easy target because you’ve said yes in the past. I wouldn’t ignore her texts – I would respond and tell her you are no longer in a position to help by giving money. You do not have to tell her why; it is not her business. You shouldn’t be mean, but you cannot continue to enable her dependence on you that is a dangerous place for both you and her to be in. SO…respond in love and kindness, but you do not have to explain your reason to say ‘no’ to her request(s) for additional money.
we were ttaught we should not Live our lives for money. We live our lives for God, jesus and each other. If your brother or someone you love asks you for money you would lend it to them with out concern to get it back just say your wife. You should also lend to a neighbour and because we love one another we want whats best for them. The love for money leads to all kinds of sin so trust in God and let him provide for you.
I have a brother-in-law who has fallen on extreme circumstances and just found out that the truck he was driving needs to have a full on engine replacement. I have a car that is paid off but I am also paying on a car. I feel as though God has placed it on my heart to sign over my paid off car to my brother-in-law and buy a new one. I know in most cases, people put themselves in situations thinking that they will be okay but only to find out that they are way in over their heads. Everyone deserves to be forgiven 70×7, so if I were in that situation, I would hope that a family member would help me like I would like to help my brother-in-law. Any thoughts, comments, prayers? Please let me know. Thank you
Jacob, if you feel you need to give your brother-in-law your paid-for car, DO IT. Without expectation of anything in return, fill it with gas, hand him the keys and the signed title and tell him you love him.
That said – if you’re to buy a NEW one, be careful you are not put in the same situation of owing to someone more than you can pay or doing something you shouldn’t financially.
I am struggling with this with a couple of my family members. I know that I’m supposed to be generous. I have been working on budgeting and paying off my own debts and saving. But, every now and then, the two family members ask me for money. In the past, I gave, because they needed it. Now, I feel like it’s just enabling them to continue to ask me for money. If I say no, I get the guilt trip about not having faith and not being a good Christian. How do I handle this? Am I just supposed to give them money whenever they ask for it? When I do say yes, I never expect it back or any repayment. And it’s not about the amounts. Sometimes, I’m really unable to give if they’re asking for a larger amount. But when it’s only $20, I can most likely spare it, even if I didn’t budget it. But, for me, it’s the fact that this isn’t the first, second, or eighth time I’ve been asked for something. Maybe I just have this all wrong. I don’t know. Please share some insight with me. Thanks!
This is a HARD issue to deal with. My response would be to say ‘no’ but instead offer some ways they could come up with the money or to say ‘yes’ with the condition that you help them plan better for future needs. If this is done with love and they respond well, everybody wins. If they give you guilt, then they are not really ready to make the changes necessary to succeed with money and you are enabling them. Every family has that person (or people) always “in need” due to poor choices, lack of planning or other reasons that are issues they need to overcome. The Bible is clear that we should help those in need, but it is also clear we should help meet the needs, not encourage them to be dependent on your generosity.
Great, I like the discussion. Also, what I learned is that we do not have to feel the pressure to lend money but to pray prior to do so and let the lord and the holy spirit fill us with his peace about lending and how much to be lend. Seek for the peace and follow it the bible says. If we are not willing to lend money knowing ahead of time that we can loose it then, do not lend money.Also, we can not strain our self and/or our families regardless of the need that other one might have. Many times we need to learn to say no/ I can’t. and many other times what we need to do is to pray for the person in need as well. We as a Christians are forgetting to ask our Lord to provide and we are depending from other ones and institution instead because we think is easier and faster when the bible principles are clearly to seek for our Lord.
More over, lend or give away only up to the amount right before you start loosing the peace and happiness. example : if lending $100 gives you joy do so but if lending $150 is not then stop: this principle applies when given to the Lord as well, we should give with joy and not with sorrow.
Sincerely
Israel
Israel, this is very well put. Give as your ability and your conscience (directed by the Holy Spirit) direct.
My mom lends money & gets 10% plus her money back to people she knows mostly all of the people are very grateful because my mom lends them money & they pay her back & the 10% from every month is this bad
Hey Judy, if your mom is consistently able to get her money back plus 10% then mathematically this is a wonderful result. If this works for her and doesn’t damage the relationships as a result, I wouldn’t fuss at her for it. I would caution anyone, however (including her), that if you lend money and always expect it back (especially with 10% return), you’re going to be disappointed and let down eventually. She’s not a bank, she’s a person. As such, she is going to end up with a “slave” indebted to her for their inability to repay and she will have to release them from that obligation or become a “slave owner’ Biblically speaking (if that makes sense). Especially since you say she’s lending to people she knows, this puts the relationship in a strain and could cause a lot of heartache.
I have a friend who is borrowing money to get him through the following week going to work, and says to pay it at once when payday comes. I’ve known the person for like 3-4 years, and he will pay his debt on the day he said he would. But the thing is, if I will lend him the money, i don’t know if he is going to use it for his daily expenditures going to work or he will just use it for his vices. What i want to point out is do we still consider giving without expecting in return, even-though we know that the money will just be used for something which is not godly? Thanks in advance.
-Geoff
Hey Geoff, I like your attitude on “giving” rather than “lending” money since it shows the right attitude about money and not enslaving someone to you. That said, if you know the money will be used to harm the person or in a sinful manner, you have every right to refuse to lend or give the money. If you know he has needs that you can meet and are able to do so, you could consider meeting those needs instead of handing over cash.
This still doesn’t answer my question. My friend’s situation is that her daughter took money from her. She went to the daughter with no results for the debt to be paid. She takes it to her elders…no results…now she must consult the legal system for help in this matter. Where is the scripture that deals with this example?
Thank you,
I think you’re referring to Matthew 18: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” (Matthew 18:15-17).
There is no scripture I’m aware of that deals specifically with the issue of a daughter stealing from her mother. That being said, there is obviously something very serious going on in their relationship if daughter steals and is unrepentant. Is daughter a believer? If not, you can’t expect her to act like one. At the same time, mom is taking her daughter to court for stealing money? This is SERIOUS and there is way too much going on that probably neither of us know given what you’ve shared here. Sorry I can’t provide more guidance.
I have been left an inheritance which was split between me and my daughter. Apart from grieving from the loss of my Mother I also feel that the inheritance has given me grief too in a way. In short I have been happy in the past with having little savings but paying my bills and living within my means, so this as tipped the scales for me as I want to do the right thing with this money. The grief for me is that biblically i am very CONFUSED with how to deal with this amount of money as savings THAT I really don’t know where to start explaining my problem. For example, I don’t want to waste it on everyday living, as a Christian can i invest? Can I put the money on a flat and rent it out to have as a Pension for myself? The list is endless and heavy for me. Also, tything on my share of the inheritance is a real issue, as I hear different from everyone. Do I tythe on AN INHERITANCE? OR the interest which is the money I have made. I hear the phrase “How much do you love God regarding tything, but I find that quite manipulating in itself, especially with net or gross on my wages, as biblically isn’t giving/tything from the heart and not done under COMPULSION. Also, I lend money to people/friends, which I don’t mind at all, but lately I see my savings have gone down by half now and I am starting to break out in a rash everytime someone asks to borrow money as they know i am in a position to do so and THAT puts me under pressure to lend it to them. I do feel guilty as yesterday I denied a good friend another loan. Anyway, I have said enough….would love to hear another’s point of view in this mess I feel I am carrying. Thank you.
I’m both glad and saddened by your comment. Money is not evil, nor is becoming the beneficiary in someone’s will. Proverbs 13:22 says a good person will leave a long-lasting inheritance. As far as tithing on that money, that’s your decision. The Bible isn’t clear on that matter – it says you should tithe on the ‘firstfruits of your labor,’ of which an inheritance is not. In our family, we don’t generally tithe on gifts because we didn’t work for them. We tithe on ALL our earned income though and believe very strongly in doing so. I can’t make the tithing decision for you since the Bible doesn’t give me a specific answer to give you. Sorry.
Should you invest? ABSOLUTELY! Think about the parable of the talents. The master was displeased with the servant who didn’t do anything with the money – God EXPECTS us to take our money and be productive with it.
Since you’ve read my thoughts on lending money (I don’t do it), I would encourage you to take the same approach. Because people obviously know you have money, they now magically want it to disappear. It is your responsibility to make sure this doesn’t happen. I don’t lend money because I don’t want slaves. If I am led to GIVE money, that’s fine, but I would set a policy IMMEDIATELY that until you’ve resolved this issue in your mind you won’t lend/give ANY money to ANYONE. This is a hard stance, but it sounds like you’ve made some “friends” solely on the basis that you can lend (give) them money. Those are not the people you need to be around. You should not feel guilty for having money and should not feel guilty for taking care of your own and your family’s needs before doing anything else. This is also biblical – see I Timothy 5:8. Your household first, your relatives next, everyone else thereafter.
Hope that helps! Grieve, then get your head on straight with the inheritance, then act. Don’t wake up a few months from now and wonder where your inheritance went. It sound like you’re on that track now. Be careful.
Thank you, this has helped me a lot, its so nice to get another person’s view on my situation.
Yvonne
I do have one small correction: the parable of the talents is not about money (even though it is very often preached that way); it’s about our relationship toward God. If it were about money, then the penalty for failing to save our money would be eternal torment in Hell, which is certainly isn’t (eternal torment is the end result of the man with one talent–see Matthew 25:30)!
A parable that is about money is Luke 16:1-15, the parable of the shrewd manager. This parable gives us guidance on biblical financial stewardship that runs counter to our human notion of good stewardship.
Sorry for picking out one point to critique–my intent is not at all to snipe, just to help, but I don’t have time right now for a longer comment. 🙂
I wholeheartedly believe in everything the bible teaches about generosity and giving. I am a very compassionate person and it is never a burden on my heart to help others when I can, because I know that Jesus would help them. But I have been searching for perspective on an issue my husband and I are having. My husband has loaned a lot of money to some people in his family in the past. He doesn’t come from the best family – his parents were drug addicts from the time he was born. He grew up there with them and struggled very much to get out on his own and become independent. He worked very hard to save up and buy his first car and worked even harder to get a good job. Once he had a decent job, his family began asking for things from him. They had not treated him well in the past and had taken advantage of him many times. But still, he remained merciful and loaned 500$ to a relative of his to help them avoid jail time for a debt they owed. This person agreed to pay the money back as soon as they were able. Shortly after this, this person asked for the same amount of money. My husband just couldn’t afford to lend this money. So this person becomes very angry and stops speaking to my husband. This person and my husband were pretty close family and this hurt my husband’s feelings so deeply. Even after this, that person still asked for more money. My husband’s family are not financially stable – they don’t work and don’t really do much of anything. But once my husband got on his feet and got a good job, they all decided to depend on him for things they wanted. They try to make my husband feel guilty for his success and make him feel as if he is doing wrong by not giving them part of it. One person continually lies and makes up reasons to ask him for money – the most recent one was she had a tumor and needed to go to the hospital. They are constantly asking for things from him. I am so conflicted about this, we feel as if we way not be doing the right thing by turning them down. But then I also know that there is no help for these people, by giving them money we are only teaching them they can depend on us. They continually lie to try and take advantage of us. We have done many things for them in the past and it is never enough. I don’t want to sin but I refuse to let them hurt my husband. The bible says honor the mother and father but I am not sure how my husband is to do this when they won’t speak to him unless he is giving them money. There was one occasion where his parents stole all of the cash out of his wallet while we were visiting. We are kind to them and pray for them but we are young and trying to get on our own feet, trying to build our own life, trying to establish a career and a home – and we cannot afford to keep them up. I really would like some perspective on this. Are we doing wrong by not lending money?
This is a VERY TOUGH situation and one I hate to hear you are in. Your husband’s ability to dig out of poverty, drug abuse by family, etc. is a story we don’t hear often enough. It sounds like his entire family has the “poor” mindset, which I’ve written about (search for “poor”). I have the policy that I DO NOT loan money for any reason. If you need money (truly need, not want) and I am in a position to meet your need, I may do so. However, I am not biblically obligated to enable bad choices, stupid behavior and no one should be made to feel guilty for refusing to “loan” someone money. The fact his family is doing this tells me he needs to establish a similar policy that there is plenty of love from him, but no money. PERIOD.
Thank you so much for your response. We are praying every day that the situation improves. We haven’t given any money to them in a very long time, so they seldom ask for any anymore, but still they continue with their attitudes that they are entitled to anything they ask for because they are family. They cause a lot of undue stress for my husband because since they are the only family he has, he tries to keep close with them but is constantly being hurt by them because he sees how all they are interested in is what he can do for them. Because of this, I am not on good terms with his family because I speak up and let them know what they are doing is wrong. My husband is still concerned with trying not to hurt their feelings and he doesn’t want them to not like me because he doesn’t want to have to cut them out of his life for treating me badly. There are a lot of conflicting feelings here so we appreciate any prayer we can get!
You got it.
This is such a tough situation. It really comes down to which is more important – the relationship or the money. Sometimes, you want to break ties and recoup your losses as best you can. Other times you have to take it as a learning experience and let the relationship win out. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you that if these people are valuable to you, if you share with them your struggles and they are able, the relationship will win and you might just get your money back in the process.
Well…I did loan a couple of brethren money years ago and honestly, I expected it back. I really felt bad initially because these are men of God and they haven’t even acknowledged this. Now that I am “lack” and could really use the money back…i’m torn on whether to ask them for it or not. Right now, the money seems like a lot but then, it wasn’t. I don’t mind helping but I really don’t enjoy being taken advantage of either.
I am just a kid and tonight, my dad asked me if i could lend him some money for some ice cream for the family and some for the car gas. Well, i have ben saving up for an iPad mini for a LONG time and i had no idea what to do. I figured that i could go to the bible to see what it says, but i couldn’t sit there all night just trying to find a verse! 😉 so i just searched it online. This article has really helped me think. Thanks A lot For The Help 😀
I’m glad I could help give you some guidance. 🙂
Barry, I want to thank you for writing this article. This is a situation that I find myself in as I have had a close friend who is on the verge of financial collapse. He has not asked for money but for prayer, which we are doing.
We lent another couple $500 earlier this year who are church friends, as they couldn’t pay their rent. I spoke to their agent and this was the case. They have not been able to repay it, and it hasn’t affected our relationship, because my husband and I privately agreed that it was a gift, and if it wasn’t repaid, we would still love and appreciate them.
Reading this article has given me peace, as I will keep praying and speak to my husband about it when he comes in from work.
Once again, thank you for your excellent article and the followup discussion. Mary
🙂 I’m glad to help.
i just came across your article as i search for articles about giving to others.
My situation is i have an okay job but i cannot really save much. I work for a company that has a driver that picks me up in the morning takes me around on errands and brings me home in the evening. My problem is usually from the middle of the month he starts asking me for money to go home (the car is parked at the office in the evenings). Sometimes especially on weekends i also give him money of my own free will.
sometimes however i say no to giving him money when he asks, my logic being the money i have is enough to use until i get paid. I occasionally may get extra money which i use on extra stuff and it is almost as if he expects me to give him money, without regard to the fact that i may actually have a purpose for it.
It’s starting to frustrate me because in as much as i make more than he does, we both have jobs and i feel he should budget for expenses and generally save money which he doesn’t.So when he asks for money and i say no i feel guilty after, or as if i am being a miser/stingy. I figure sometimes that the amount is small, but these small amounts add up don’t they?
How do i address this?
In case this is all sounding strange i live in Africa 🙂
This is a tough one. My take on “lending” money is that you should give generously, but recognize that you and your family’s NEEDS come first (not always your wants or wishes). If you have all your needs met, then you can wrestle with whether or not to give someone money. At the same time, you should never empower someone to misbehave. If someone proves he cannot take care of his own finances, I’m not very willing to give him money. Counsel, yes. Friendship, yes. Love, yes. Money, usually not.
Thanks Barry!
Hi, can anyone help me or give me some advise as a Christian? I’m quite a low wage earner (and don’t even own my own house). A close Christian friend of mine has just asked me to lend him one and a half times my monthly income to buy a ticket home. (Previously he borrowed about $100 from me, which he paid back after a delay – of course, I never charge for interest).
Thankfully I have a little money in the bank (since I’ve been saving up dilegently for several years for something). However, recently I’ve had a number of expenses and possibly have some more medical bills in the pipe line (within the next two months). It’s also now summer, and I had planned to go off on holiday for a short time (not far) just for a break (I have the next two weeks off work and can’t change this, but haven’t booked anything definite yet). However, if I lend this man so much money, of course it means that I’m stuck at home for the next two weeks and have to go very carefully. I offered to lend him part of the money, but he says he doesn’t know anyone else to ask for the difference and really needs the money now – but has offered to pay it back soon. (Is this a test of my faith?)
I feel rather selfish wanting to go off on holiday (which I only do once a year), when this man can’t go home (he went home a couple of months ago but needs to go back again), but at the same time, I don’t have peace about this and feel rather put upon (I’m happy to lend him say half the money, but feel he’s asking too much). I want to be in line with God’s will (Luke 6:28: whatever measure you use ….) but at the same time, I really can’t afford to loose this money. Normally I would only lend the amount I’m willing to loose (which is why I offered to meet half his need – am I being mean?) – he seems rather insistent.
I’ve prayed about it, but because I’m so stressed out about it I tend to cut myself off from hearing God (of course I don’t wish to loose the friendship with this person, but I do wish he hadn’t asked me more than I think I can bare). What should I do? Am I being selfish or not generous enough?
This sounds like a tough situation. Using the same logic and scripture from this post, my answer is that you should not lend this person the money. I don’t say this because you will use it for a holiday but because you said you don’t have peace about it, he is insistent, and that you would have to “go very carefully” which tells me you likely would be put into difficulty yourself by lending. This is something I can’t give you a scriptural answer one way or the other, though. I hope my insight helps. I’ve also prayed for you to make the right decision.
Amazing response! Well done!!
I’ve always felt that as a believer, if someone asks me for money or whatever it is they need – and I have it – that I should give it. If they pay back, great, I won’t refuse it, lol. But if not, then also great. Giving without expectation of return.
Who would refuse? LOL
I’ve been on both sides of this issue…and neither is a fun spot.
My FIL co-signed a car loan for us several months after we were married. We were barely 20, no credit, etc. Considering the divorce rate these days? The man is a saint. He really is…especially if you take into consideration that my hubby still owed him money for the car he had bought the year before. (Both were used, our first cars.) We paid him back every dime for Hubby’s car; and my car was paid off in a timely manner.
He also gave us a “loan” when we lost both of our vehicles a couple of years ago–he has been “reducing” the loan for Christmas presents etc.–this time it’s been a bit harder to re-pay due to family circumstances. However, I don’t consider it paid; and one of the first items on my financial list is to return all of that money. I love that man dearly, and I will not let him down.
However! At one point, my older sister had come to us for money to pay her house taxes. I did mull this over, considering what my FIL has done for us; but in the end, we didn’t have as much as she needed…and if we had I wouldn’t have anyway. She has never been very reliable with money–though I must admit I’m not TOO much better–and I have a very negative stance on lending to most of MY family members due to their financial instabilities.
Money and family can get pretty sticky….
I don’t have an answer, but I do have further scriptures and thoughts on this topic.
Scripture also tells us to “Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.” Mat 5:42
and again:
Luke 6:30-36 Wherein your verse comes from… commands us to give, and when we are stolen from, to not demand recompense, and “But love ye your enemies, and do good, and **lend**, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and [to] the evil.”
I have heard the argument that it is not loving to give to those who will just do wrongly again… but isn’t that exactly what Jesus did for us? He gave His life, and offered us salvation, His holiness for our rags, even though He knows we will offend Him again, and sin against Him again…It is precisely that He FIRST LOVED US, that we love Him. Even to the ungodly, and the unregenerate, He heaps blessings and grants favors, the rain falls on the just and the unjust. He could withold blessings from those who walk in unrighteousness, but so often we see those people prosper, and are blessed even in their sin.
For this reason, I do not think it is for me to judge whether a person will be more loved by me NOT giving to them when they ask of me. I do not attempt to weigh whether its a “good idea” to bless someone who asks of me. I rather to let the Lord handle that, and simply follow His commands, to love the unlovely, to bless the undeserving, to give and not look for again.
I won’t claim that I do this perfectly, absolutely not. Just the other day I lent a book to a friend, and told her “I really need this one back”… according to these scriptures, that was probably wrong. It seems so inconsequential, and like a “normal” thing to request, but since when does Jesus call us to lead NORMAL lives?
I don’t see the idea of not lending, or the idea of judging whether it is right to give to those who ask of us anywhere in scripture… at least not so far. I’d be interested in understanding where people get the idea that it isn’t loving to give to those who ask… The prodigal son even received his entire inheritance, though his father likely had some idea that he would squander it…
Again, I could be missing something, or misunderstanding these verses. Thanks for opening up the dialogue.
Mrs. Mom of 6
You bring up some excellent points, and ones I can’t give a clear Biblical answer to rebuke or support. Having said that, I think I can add a few things that might be helpful. The Bible says we must first take care of our own households. In fact, Paul writes that if we do not, we are “worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8)! No matter what, I must take care of my family and it is more important for me to do that than for me to give to someone in need. Yes, I know that may be a controversial statement, but my family’s needs will come first…PERIOD. So income that is needed to meet my family’s needs is off limits to the discussion. With that out of the way, anytime there is extra money the parable of the talents is what I believe to be a good model of how we should act. I’m not going to use my money to knowingly enable someone to do themselves or others harm. I’m also not going to give my money to someone that I don’t believe will be a wise investment (not speaking monetarily, but in God’s eyes). So while judging their motivation for wanting the money isn’t necessarily my responsibility, it does come into play. God gives me “talents” (money) and expects me to do something worthwhile with it. Since I’m called to manage (steward) what He gives me, I feel strongly that I must make good decisions if I want Him to be pleased with me and give me more to manage. For that reason, I cannot ignore the duty that goes along with me giving/lending money to someone, even if I’m not fully responsible for what they do with it. I hope that rambling makes sense and helps…
Interesting. Of course we wouldn’t want someone to give so that their family had nothing. However, many people who are praised for giving in the NT are praised for giving their last, for example the widow and her two pence. Regarding stewardship, that is of course important. God doesn’t want you to take your money to the race track and gamble it all away, clearly that would be poor stewardship of His resources. But if God calls it good to give to those who ask, why do we say “well… that person it wouldn’t be good to give to” (and of course I am not speaking of situations where we know what they are going to do is clearly sinful, for example asking for money to have an abortion.) Rather its those vague, indistinct times, for example a homeless man on the street who asks for a few bucks. Is it our place to turn him away because we smell alcohol on his breath? Is smelling alcohol enough reason to believe that this person is going to engage in sin with God’s money?
I’m not saying I fall clearly in one camp or another on this… I do believe in leaning on the Holy Spirit for discernment. But the scripture telling us to give to ALL WHO ASK, and being that that scripture specifically refers to giving to sinners…I wonder about our (Christian’s) justification for not giving…
In general, I do not witness Christian’s giving in dramatic and completely unselfish ways, ways that seem foolish to the world… I do however see loads of Christian’s justifying why NOT to give. (This is in no way a comment on you, I have no idea what you do… if anything it’s a comment on ME… Something I wish that I did better.)
I love this Stacy! So much more grace then Dave Ramsey. He is just says don’t do it! And is usually mean about it!! lol…I love him. Great advice 🙂 I haven’t been put in this situation yet thankfully.
Jami, I pray you’re NEVER in that situation…it’s not a great spot to be in.
Excellent treatment of this subject. I have always felt that I should not lend what I could not get along without, and that the only good reason to have more than I need is so that I can help other people. However, giving or lending money is not always good for the other person. Figure out what they truly NEED, and if you have sufficient, give them that. There can also be times when you DON’T have sufficient for your own needs, but you will feel moved to give anyway. The Holy Spirit can guide us in these choices.
And thank goodness for the Holy Spirit! 🙂
Thank you ever so much! That was one of the most important posts that you have ever had. Beautiful.
🙂 Thank you, Cynthia. I think Barry covers touchy topics with much more grace than I do.
Hi Barry! Thank you so much for sharing today! The post is so beautifully written from your heart! Thank you for searching the scriptures so we can gain valuable lessons on this topic! I guess we just need to pray and let the Holy Spirit lead us if we are ever in this situation. Each case will probably be different and need to be handled accordingly. Have a blessed weekend! Blessings from Bama!
No two cases would be the same – just like none of our family members or friends are the same. 🙂 Thanks, Bama!
Assuming I had $10,000 I could afford easily to loan I would not. If I could afford to give it and desired to do so I would do that. Let me explain. Several years ago a family member was in dire need to a substantial amount of money and begged to borrow it with the express promise to pay it back within 30 days. The person in question based upon income levels had the capacity to do exactly what they had promised.
Exactly what did we do? Of course we loaned the money. Fast forward ten years and what amount did we receive??? Zero. The individual no longer speaks to us. Hard lesson and one that we shall never repeat. We are not angry or bitter. A bit disappointed and more than a little surprised at the outcome but definitely wiser.
Jane, I feel like you do – I would rather GIVE than LOAN. It’s so much more freeing. 🙂
There are alot of things that we take into consideration in regards to lending money to others. First and foremost…it is put to prayer, second my husband and I both have to be in agreement with it. Plus, we also put into consideration the amount and if we can actually make it without that money (say it is in our 3-6 month savings for emergencies). Most importantly, our heart needs to be right when we do give it….
Great topic!
YES! If your heart is not right, it doesn’t matter how much money you have. Great points, Nora!!
There are so many negative feelings to lending money. I have lent to my brother on two different occasions, once $500.00 and once he was to do some work for me for $350.00. He never did the work. I am still disgusted with him. This has been 7 years ago. I will NEVER lend anyone money. My policy is “I can’t help you”. The dissapointment and frustration of feeling like your own family member has stolen from you is too much to bare..
I have too many family members that would like to borrow constantly, this is why we put as much as possible in our 401ks and live like broke people, so when they ask, I can honestly say..Hey, we don’t have any extra, I can’t help you!
That’s a smart move. 🙂 Plus, I’m of the opinion that any extra in the 401 is a good idea! 🙂