Stacy and I have been working hard to organize, declutter, and generally tidy our home. It has been a fun journey that really started when Stacy began reading about The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. We have had lots of fun purging, sorting and generally finding out what we own that we truly love. The problem is, I don’t like to get rid of stuff. And you know what, I bet you (or someone you know well) doesn’t like to get rid of stuff either. How do you declutter and organize your home if you have pack rat or even hoarder tendencies? Read on.
I am not be a certified expert in hoarding. Some of those extreme hoarders have serious issues to work through that are way outside the scope of what we can cover here. That’s probably not your starting point, however. So first and foremost, let’s dismiss the excuse that you “can’t declutter because you have too much stuff and you don’t know where to start.” Unless your living space looks like something from the latest episode of Hoarders, that excuse doesn’t work for you. Deal? Instead, let’s look at some good questions to answer to help any pack rat get started on cleaning out and tidying up.
Do you love it?
This is the root of all the advice Marie Kondo talks about in her book. If you own things that you don’t love, why do you own them? Of course, certain things hold important utility value that you don’t love, but shouldn’t be discarded (think toilet brush). But whenever you’re trying to break your habit of being a pack rat, start by looking around at all the “stuff” (and that’s all it is) and ask yourself why you have things you don’t truly love.
Why do you own it?
This is a biggie. When my dad died and we started cleaning out his massive garage and the basement, we hauled off truckload after truckload of stuff we couldn’t even find a utilitarian value in keeping. It was trash – pure and simple. My dad kept just about everything. I am often the same way – I’ll see stuff in my own garage or basement and think, “I will use that” or “…one day….” I finally realized, though, the “I’ll use it one day” mentality or the “it is worth something” mentality will keep you from getting rid of things that really should go. If you won’t use it in the near future or can’t sell it easily, consider it what it is: a donation to the thrift store or very likely, trash.
Notice my important caveat there: If you have a bunch of stuff you won’t use but it is of value, why not sell it? The last time I wrote for this site, I wrote about how we’ve made money selling in online classifieds. So far, we’ve made over $2,000 selling things that we didn’t love and didn’t want to keep in our home. Some of that stuff was useful and we may even end up re-buying some of it in the future. But at this point, it wasn’t something we wanted and we didn’t need it in the foreseeable future. So we exchanged it for something I’m always glad to have on hand – cash.
Why did you buy it?
“It was on clearance!” “The deal was too good to pass up!” “I knew I would eventually use it.” “The multi-pack was only a little bit more than the single.” I could keep going, but I think you get my point. If you’re a pack rat, I’d almost guarantee the preceding statements describe your reason for buying lots of the things you’ve bought and never used. See the paragraph above for my thoughts on how to proceed. If you got such a great deal, you’ll make some money when you sell it to someone else. 😉
Does it bring you good memories?
I’m not super sentimental, but I have lots of great memories. I always kept every greeting card, letter, photo or trinket I was given. I had LOTS of them. If you’re a pack rat, I’d bet you do too. I still have plenty of them, but I went through every one and asked one question: is the item what has value, or is the memory what has value? Don’t get me wrong – I’m not suggesting you get rid of every love letter your spouse wrote you or the quilt your great grandmother made. What I’m asking you to do is to look through all those “memories” and determine if the item you’re storing is the valuable thing or if the memory is the valuable thing. What I found is that lots of the stuff I had kept I couldn’t even tell you why I kept it. I had absolutely no clue what the memory associated with it was supposed to be. The item stirred zero emotion, so it went in the trash.
Are you happy?
Stacy and I have been hearing from lots of you who have been trying to declutter. The comments are usually:
- This is awesome. It is so freeing to get rid of all this stuff!
- You hate the environment because you’re throwing away all that useful stuff. I hate you. Why are you making me feel guilty for having stuff?
- My husband/wife refuses to get on board with this whole idea of decluttering. We live in a dump. HELP!
My responses:
- 🙂
- Ummm…if you are happy with your pack rat-edness (that is totally a word, right?), why change? If you love having clutter and chaos, that’s cool. That is your right and privilege. I am not asking you to change (and I’m definitely not demanding you to change). This isn’t a spiritual issue so I’m pretty sure you won’t go to hell for it. I’m not sure what gets people all up in arms about this idea of getting rid of stuff you don’t need or use, but hey – it is your stuff. If you are happy with your current situation, don’t change. By the same token, don’t be a hater because I choose to discard things I won’t use. Sheesh.
- Ummm…if Stacy were to throw away or give away all my stuff and call our home a dump I’d take personal offense. But instead, when she started talking to me about the idea of decluttering and getting rid of things, she started with her stuff. I know there is the only two-become-one thing when you get married, but her underwear is not our underwear. We are husband and wife – one unit – but we still have things that are hers and things that are his. If you want to declutter your home and your spouse isn’t cooperating, focus on the things you can control and your spouse won’t care about. As he/she sees the change it may prompt change in them. And it may not. But that’s where you need to start.
If you’re a pack rat, I still love you. I really do.
I’ve fallen into a deep depression from her hording collection. I just spent hundreds on a dumpster and all that went in was shipping boxes of her obsession. And my stuff. Nothing of hers.
I’m working on finishing up my books and already feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I struggle with being a pack rat, so it’s been challenging. But, i feel like I’ve been drowning in stuff and am ready for a change! I’ve decided I don’t even want to hang on to the items to sell them and have made several donation trips with more ready to go. These things need to leave my life so i can truly enjoy the things (and people) that i love.
I don’t like hoarding at all. However I’ve become a paper magnate & not the kind you can buy things with. It seems every flat surface is covered with papers. Where do I begin? Im afraid once I walk into the “craftroom” I’ll be swallowed whole. I just want my room back so I can get back to sewing, set up my new pc, painting, crafts & exercise but I don’t know where or how to begin. Please Help!
with. It seems every flat surface is covered with papers
Maybe this will help: https://www.humoroushomemaking.com/get-rid-paper-clutter
Hi Barry,
Excuse me. I spelled your name wrong. Hi to Barry and Stacy. I meant I have gotten rid of a lot of papers.
🙂 That’s okay – we’re used to it! We answer to just about anything except “Hey, stupid!” LOL
Hey Barry! Thank you to Stacy for turning me on to this book!
Listening to the audio version 3rd time around & still hear something new.
I can’t comment how to fix your pack rat but I’ve learned those who fix others do so to avoid the fear of their own reflection. Marie agrees & sounds like you have a smart wife!
All I noticed in your testimony was you have your fathers tendencies. Are you honoring him by following his traditions? And do you want your children to have to follow in the footsteps he left to you?
I’m only on clothes and books. I notice with books, I can see ,and feel, Marie’s testimony that her clients find their dreams again. It’s not what you lose, it’s what you keep. And if you really love it by just touching it, you can see your life breathe as you are freed from what you thought was important. Be grateful to release the weight. Because ain’t no one got time not to be sparked by joy!
Good points. Just like anyone else, Dad had good qualities and bad. I like to carry on all the good I can and reminisce at everything he was (and will continue to be through those who knew him). 🙂
Sounds amazing! Rock on 🙂
Hi Barry and Stacy, I have read about 80 % of Marie’s book and love it. It is very motivating. My husband, on the other hand is a bit of a hoarder. Like a huge weight machine, (that takes up a huge space) that he is going to use one of these days. Umm, he’s 57 yrs old and a workaholic. When will that be. I actually could probably get rid of it and he would never even know. I would never do that. Really. So I have started, like you suggested, with my own “stuff.” I do still have a really big issue with “piles.” Paper, things to file, UPSTAIRS, and just things that have to stay around. I inherited this from my mother. These piles seem to appear in different places, too. I know that most of the problem is just laziness, but it drives me crazy. My Mom’s seem to come with her dementia and was mostly things like junk mail that, “she had to read first.” I don’t have that excuse. Yet, praise God. Anyway, rambling on here. Nice to hear you talking about this great book. Patty
I’m glad you’re being motivated by Marie’s book and our posts. I’m the one with the pack rat tendencies on some things and Stacy on others. Thankfully we’re both finding less is more. 🙂
Great post Barry! I bought the book (thanks to Stacy) and it’s next on my list. Personally, I can’t wait to declutter!
One tip for cards and letters – If it only has a signature, I toss it. If it has a sentimental note by someone I love, then I keep it…..BUT…I have a small, square box (about the size of a photo album) that I wrote each person’s name on (me, husband, kid, kid) and only what fits in that box, do we keep, as far as cards and letters.
I think the hardest things to toss are those things that parents give you and you know they will come over one day and ask where it is! Give us some advice for that one!
Thanks for adding this tip on what to keep and what to toss. Stacy and I have both run into the situation of wanting to get rid of certain things our parents may come ask about later. How did we handle it? We were proactive. I had a desk my parents bought me when I was 8 or 9. It is super nice, solid maple and well cared for. But we have no use for it, so I asked my mom if she wanted it back or knew someone she would like me to give it to because we didn’t need it. When she said no and with her blessing, I put it up for sale.
As for the things they may not want back but want you to keep forever and ever amen, that’s a battle you have to decide if you want to fight. I value the relationship more than the stuff, but if the stuff is more important to them than the relationship, that’s their issue, not yours…right?
Also under #2 My Responses: I can’t make you feel a certain way. You choose how to respond.
I am right on board with the decluttering and have made $ 3500.00 so far. Didn’t realize I had so much stuff I didn’t need. . I am very pleased with my progress so far. I have a few things that didn’t sell and I don’t live near a place where I can donate so not sure what to do with it. Too good to throw away.
Hey Madeline. WAY TO GO on selling so much stuff! If there is stuff you don’t want to throw away but don’t know where to donate, maybe ask your pastor (if you are a churchgoer) or call a few local churches and ask them if they know of families in need or places to take the donations. You can have the tax write-off and they can benefit from the items you no longer need.
Hi Madeline! Wow! $3500! What kinds of things did you sell and how did you advertise them?